My Fwb blocked me after I ended it...

[Sophia1980ES]

Hi all,

Just wanted to emotionally vent really. I feel rubbish....

I ended my Fwb arrangement today - it was a hard decision because I was emotionally involved but it ended up wrecking my head

He was very consistent with messaging for 3 months, then the dynamics changed about 4 days ago. He would always contact me of an evening and the next morning, being really enthusiastic - whilst I made the effort plenty of times, he was always the pursuer. Then all of a sudden I felt a change (gut feeling I suppose). It was me now reaching out to him the last 4 days. I knew him well enough to know it wasn't like him. I literally felt sick most of the weekend and I hated the feeling. He wasn't away on holiday or anything, as he said last week he has no plans.

Not only that but this in partie was a huge contributing factor - it had been over a couple of weeks since we hooked up (had a great time, stayed in an Airbnb and it was just lovely - lots of affection and very emotionally intimate). He was all for spending two hours every night talking dirty but I was getting frustrated, if you know what I mean. So it came about discussing our next meet up, and I suggested next weekend (I knew we were both free as he told me last week). He asked if I was going to be still on my period (without going into detail...).Basically, I didn't get an enthusiastic 'yes sounds great', or 'aw I'm sorry I can't but can do this date?'. He blew me off. That was a painful rejection.

So having sense the last few days he was losing interest (pursuing me that is - he'd still respond to my texts), I just felt sick and knew I couldnt handle this casual arrangement anymore. It felt like it was becoming more on his terms.

So I sent this text to him earlier :

Hey, hope you're ok? Listen I'm going to have to bow out of this arrangement graciously 😊. I thought I could handle casual but, not this sort of casual lol. No change on my part - i don't want anything serious - but last few days I've felt the dynamic change slightly. I also thought it would be effortless asking to hook up and get an enthusiastic 'yes'. It was naive of me really to think that the daily interest yohve shown for a few months wouldn't wane at some point. I'm not cut out for something that's more on the other person's terms. It's all good though no hard feelings. x

Then he blocked me.

Was that text insensitive as I feel bad now that I forgot to say 'sorry' 😔

You used a lot of words there!

Seems perfectly fine to me - he is obviously an emotional loser. I wouldn't worry about it and don't let it get to you.

Block, forget and move on...

@Newname1007 hahaha did I!? Was it too much 😂

@MaxTalk thanks for your response I appreciate it. Glad to hear it was OK was I sent.

Don’t even think about it anymore. It was just a casual thing and some men (probably this one) don’t associate sex with love or feelings, it’s just something fun for them to do. He probably has another on the go hence his time was being split between two so less for you.

I think it just sounds like you have emotions around the relationship and that's not what he was looking for. You haven't done anything wrong. Aren't you pissed off with him, though, for not saying goodbye/good luck etc? Why are you thinking you did something wrong to make him block you? Why can't he just be a rude git?

There's nothing remotely casual about this! Daily contact??? Getting pissed off because he wasnt pursuing you enough for four days? I don't think a FWB arrangement is for you.

He wanted fwb. You wanted emotion it was never going to work.

You ended it. He blocked you. What's the problem?

I’m not sure what the problem is either unless you wanted some big romantic declaration that he has feelings for you.s wants to make a go of it etc

I don’t think either of you has done anything wrong here. Nothing wrong with a fwb arrangement. Nothing wrong with catching feelings. Nothing wrong with ending it when you realise it isn’t for you. Nothing wrong with him blocking you once you’ve established that it’s over.

I think you feel shit because you had started to feel emotionally involved, and now it’s over. This is one of those ‘time is the best healer’ situations. Be kind to yourself for a bit. You’ll have forgotten he exists in a few weeks.

This!
though to your credit you've acknowledged that you wanted more and ended it to protect yourself.
not sure why you are still protesting to him that you only wanted casual though....

God knows why he blocked you though. Rude and unnecessary

This is the bit where you realise it wasn’t friends. It was just benefits. He was happy to be friendly when he was getting his end away, but he’s no friend to you.

Haha, so he's just unblocked me and sent this message :

Hi Sophia,

The daily messaging has reduced but only this weekend, busy with one thing and another.
Regarding meeting up, I was considering if I could do a particular day, then forgot about it so apologies.
I understand, it's no problem at all, I had a great time too "

He forgot!! Fuck off....... 🤣

^^ 100 This, why on earth are you expecting a FWB to be chasing you?

I think you did load that message with emotional guilt tripping and he didn’t want drama.
FWIW - no relationship can sustain daily interest and chasing for much longer that 3 months. If this is what you expect you will be disappointed over and over.
And this was not even a relationship.

I also think you aren’t cut up for a casual arrangement. You aren’t able to separate sex from emotions. That is why in your last interaction with him you saw what you wanted to see - ‘lots of emotional intimacy’ - while he probably was on a very different page.

Anyway - nothing much you can do but move on.

You ended it = his ego blocked you.

He's reflected and realised it was a bit unnecessary = sent you a reasonable reply.

End of the matter surely?

Or were you hoping it would prompt him into saying he wants more than fwb?

I think you sent that message to prompt a response in him. You shit yourself in the foot by reacting quickly and now you've ended something you didn't want to end.

You sound pretty intense for a fwb situation - getting the hump over 4 days of changed contact? Surely people do fwb so they don’t have to think about other peoples feelings to this extent

Exactly what I thought. Why are you lying to him (and more importantly yourself) about what you really want?
He was honest with you - he just wanted casual sex. But there is nothing wrong with wanting a serious relationship and if you want this you should be out and proud!

@Catsdrool nah I wasn't intense - I hardly ever contacted him - he did 98% of the chasing. I sound intense to you because I wasn't happy he suddenly changed course after being consistent for three solid months. And yes you're right, whole premise of fwb is that you don't have to worry about people's feelings - but I realised that wasn't who I was and respectfully bowed out.

@DisplayPurposesOnly

"There's nothing remotely casual about this! Daily contact??? Getting pissed off because he wasnt pursuing you enough for four days? I don't think a FWB arrangement is for you."

Haha no shit, that's why I ended it. Daily contact? Yes that's what he was like - it wasn't me doing most of the daily contact it was him! I wasn't complaining - I loved it! But when he stopped - it was uncharacteristically like him. I didn't like it, and that's when I knew I couldn't handle being in a fwb.

@CloseYourEyesAndSee

"I think you sent that message to prompt a response in him. You shit yourself in the foot by reacting quickly and now you've ended something you didn't want to end."

I'm lost sorry - sent what message? The one where I ended it? What do you mean shot myself in the foot by reacting quickly?

If I read your message correctly, I sent that message ending it because I genuinely wanted to end it. I realised I was in too deep and couldn't emotionally handle it. I don't regret it. Sure I feel shit because I really did like him and was emotionally involved with him (first guy I had sex with in 5 years - he was my immediate coworker for several months before we got together - so we worked closely alot before hand - but I left that department three weeks ago).

I knew by sending it that there'd be no going back and he woundnt suddenly declare his love so, there's no shorting myself in the foot scenario. .

Hello OP

Please believe me when I say this, but your well shot of him. It took me 4+ years to figure this out with my FWB.

Tbh, my story started the exact same way. He was very keen texting and calling everyday all day. I slept with him a few times and and started to get feelings. He always said it was just sex so I plucked up the courage to ask him to get more serious and he blanked me for 3 days until I said I get the hint 🤦🏻‍♀️.

We continued things as friends but he would still flirt and ask to hook up etc. Stupidly I went along with it thinking he might develop feelings for me at some point. This went on for years and throughout that time he used me in every way possible . Eventually I blocked him (which I know is different in your case) but it's like a weight off my shoulders now . I can finally move on and although I do miss him in a weird way I'm glad he's no longer part of my life.

You will feel hurt that he has blocked u but I promise it has saved u a lot more drama than necessary. Find someone that's worth your time and not gonna play about with your emotions ti suit themselves x

Sorry - that should have said "was always more than just sex " 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️