Wife expects "too much "

[ingelbybardi]

I'm female and have been married for 5 years to my wife.
She is never ever happy.
Everything has to be her way.
We bought our house 3 years ago (she picked the house)
We live in a reasonably priced area and a 3bed cost us £89,000
Our mortgage is £300 a month
We both work and have 2 kids.

After bills /food we are left with around £700
We have a nice life.
We go on holiday ,are comfortable with what we have

My wife isn't happy
"Mark from work has a new build house"
"Lisa has a new build house that cost £300,000 and we are stuck here"
"I'm embarrassed by our house"

Our house is lovely ,big garden etc and she loved it till she realised her work mates had more expensive houses.
She's had us viewing new builds -going to bank finding out mortgage.
They've said it will be £800 a month
She now wants to do this -even tho the house we are in is lovely (just to show off )

We went to Gran Canaria on holiday -that wasn't good enough as her work friends went to santorini

I'm drained honestly
She's never happy
What would you do?

She ought to be told the tale of the fisherman's wife.......

So with the cost of living skyrocketing, and going into a winter of unprecedented costs, she thinks that taking on more debt is a good idea?

Is she aware of how her envy is making you feel?

Somebody who won't talk to you unless you agree is emotionally abusive.

You'll crack and either divorce or give in

Ok so. One thing I’d say here.

i grew up in a very poor area, big house but cheaper area. But I went to school on the “nicer side” and all my friends lived on the nicer side too. The ones that lived near me were pregnant or on drugs in their teens. Did I feel inadequate. Yes I did. Did I, for years, wonder why my mum didn’t move us to the nicer side just for the connections to people and the culture and to be around prosperity.

now I’m an adult and love life on the crappier side of town. Our house is here. I kept my friends from the nice side and they are envious of our lifestyle because their houses cost £70k more. We live by an area of regeneration in north London. So prices are now going up.

so I can understand your wife’s feelings but what she is chasing here is the emperors clothes.

Sorry your only option is get rid of her, let her tough it out as a single mum, you could try giving, ultimatum, be satisfied or leave, probably won’t work. My nephew had a wife like this never satisfied, now in rented with 4 kids, he pays child maintenence and no more.

Would she compromise and remortgage for a lesser amount to do renovations?

It is fine to have aspirations.

Not fine to saddle yourself with unnecessary debt.

The thief of joy is clinging to her back. If you can’t peel it off, I’d be thinking about letting her go all bi-fold by herself.

You think it's great for kids to learn that if your partner wants to discuss an important joint decision, you should just ignore them until they say they'll do exactly what you want?

You think it's great for kids to learn that it's ok for one partner to always get the final say and to bully the other?

Really?

My opinion doesn't count
She won't speak to me unless I agree to move

Great example, yes.

For a start I do t think this women is 'bullying' her partner at all, she's just moaning! Think abit if understanding and compromise on both sides would work better.

I am not the posters wife, I am in a relationship where by we both want the same thing and working towards that together. To be fair I wouldn't be with someone who didn't have similar goals, it just wouldn't work.

You don't think the below in bold is a description of unkind, bullying, coercive behaviour?! Especially the last two?

Blimey. You must not have a healthy view of relationship dynamics if you think the below describes anything close to a normal and happy relationship.

She is never ever happy.
Everything has to be her way.
My opinion doesn't count.
She won't speak to me unless I agree to move

I Understand both perspectives, but it's a risky endeavour, getting into debt just to keep up.with others.

She picked this house and is moaning. She’s swayed by the lives of random colleagues. She wants a mortgage double the size while working part time and expecting you to foot the difference. She’s emotionally abusive and refuses to communicate like a normal grown up.

She’s sucking the joy out of your life! Sounds utterly shit and completely exhausting.

Save yourself. You’d be so much happier without her dragging you down.

Personally I think it a far better lesson for children to see their parents be sensible with money, work hard, and save hard to improve their lives, and not take on shitloads of debt just to keep up with the Joneses.

I have a large 3 bed victorian terrace with over 200ft of garden in Nottinghamshire that I bought 3 years ago for £85k (although world about £110k now). Not everywhere has ridiculous house prices.

@ingelbybardi your wife needs to stop measuring her happiness and worth by everyone else's yardstick.

Her attitude is borderline abusive.

You are not an equal partnership.

She needs to get a grip. Sorry.

I would divorce someone who was never happy because that feeling would start making me depressed. I am a person who finds joy in the small things.

Buying a 300k house isn't going to solve your problem. She'll want a fancier house to keep up with her colleague which is plain cheeky when she's not even working full time and earning enough for the massive mortgage.

I doubt the children will think their lives have been 'bettered' when the family disposable income reduces from £700 to £200 per month. That doesn't go very far for days out, holidays, clubs and other extra curricular activities for 4 children. Children's lives are not generally enriched by living in a more expensive but otherwise equally adequate house just because its new.

How is it in any way better to move to a smaller house, that costs significantly more?

I wouldn't put up with this.

It's not a partnership - she's a joyless bully whose happy to risk the financial security of the whole family to show off to her mates (and there will always be the "next thing").

It would ultimatum time from me to STFU about it and the nasty behaviour or she'll be living in a bloody shoebox after the divorce.

In all honesty if she isn’t speaking to you then I’d enjoy the silence anything is better than listening to moaning!

Could you explain how this improvement would work in the ops circumstances?

At the moment they have a size house and good size garden plus £700 a month. Chances are they also don’t hear the neighbours fart. The money left over could also be used to pay a bit extra monthly to repay earlier (depending on the terms of the mortgage). The extra also goes towards things like holidays and eventually replacing expensive household goods, money for breakdowns etc. basically a nice buffer so they aren’t working for work.

New build costs more money and eventually house prices will drop so could leave them with negative equity. This increase will leave them with £200 a month so not much of a buffer never mind forgoing those holidays. It also gets them a smaller house and garden so they will lack needed space people need from each other.

Unless your kids have flown the nest, house moves for the majority are about increasing space not reducing it, aren’t they?

I would ask her if she wants a happy family or the move?

The move I would look at the possibility of buying her out during the divorce and she’s free to crack on and buy whatever shoebox house she wants to live in.

Or a separation and she can go and rent a room in one of those amazing new builds.

The adult thing would be to see what improvements could be made to the existing home like the doors she craves so much. And
explain that the expensive houses aren’t affordable if she wants the holidays instead of the occasional day trip to the beach.

She sounds like a total moron. Frothing over what random#1 and random#2 at work have/are doing - how depressingly unimaginative, shallow, short-sighted and boring.

Make plans to leave. She’ll never let up.

Yo do not need any grounds for divorce these days