Mum is moving in with horrid sister

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Not posted before so please excuse any mis-steps. I'm just seeking some advice please, on how to improve this upcoming situation. Or maybe to just turn my back on it altogether?
My sister and I have never been close, there's an age gap of 5 years and a personality gap a mile wide. In the last few years the situation has become quite nasty, as she fell out with me when I got divorced. If there is a family event, I am not invited, and neither are my kids if they are with me that day (I co-parent with my ex). Dropping off birthday and Christmas presents is fraught. She does all she can to avoid me. I don't get to see my niece and nephew either as I am not welcome at hers. Which is all very hurtful, and I've tried to resolve it, but it's ultimately her choice. Our Mum (widowed) is sad about it, but has mostly kept out of it.
Mum told me today out of the blue that my sister and her family are selling their house, and she has accepted their offer to live with them if they can find a suitable new house with an "annexe" for her. This was a total surprise to me, as she is always saying how much she likes where she lives, a rural park home site a few miles from us. She is fit and healthy, drives, walks everywhere. They told her that after this upcoming move, they probably won't be moving again for a very long time, so it's now or never. She is worried about what happens when she can no longer drive, walk long distances etc, even though hopefully that is a good few years away, and she could move somewhere more suitable anyway, if the time comes. I am not in position to make the same offer, as they have a huge house.
I feel really hurt. I feel abandoned as they have treated me so badly and she is rewarding them almost. Once she moves in with them I won't be able to see her, or take the kids to see her, or anything basically, they are annexing her in all senses. They are taking my mum away, childish as it sounds. I can't stop her, nor would I want to, as she has to do what's best for her, but I am really struggling. I feel like turning my back on the lot of them.

Have you spoken to your mum about this, is she aware you feel you won't be able to visit or bring your children? An annex should have its own entrance, it would be no different to her moving in next door if it's done properly

I'd be more worried about protecting your mum from a controlling sister, if that's the risk.

Make sure she gets legal advice about protecting her own assets.

Your mum will be able to come and visit you, even if you feel unable to go to her new home. That isn't the risk here, imo.

I hate to say it but she's also taking any future inheritance, too. She's totally isolating your mum from the rest of her family.

Elder abuse is a bigger risk here, than the restriction on your relationship.

Is your mum being asked to contribute financially towards the new house? If so she should involve lawyers to ensure her assets are protected.

Yeah agree re finances. There was a very long thread a few months ago about a daughter in law concerned for her FIL. He was being asked to invest heavily into his daughters new house purchase in exchange for living there. It all fell apart and he was quite vulnerable and controlled by her.

Thanks so much for the responses. I hadn't even considered the potential for abuse, I guess I don't see my mum as vulnerable, she has always been fiercely independent. Emphasis on fierce. But I will definitely be wary of it now and also advise her to get a solicitor's advice if she invests in it.
She said that if she contributes financially to the new house, she would give me an equal amount, which is something I suppose. Won't do her any good though!
I am not really bothered about the financial side (for me) though, it's the emotional aspect more.
I have spoken to her about feeling unable to visit, she said she hadn't thought of that. She did say that she'd visit me.
My sister's husband is perhaps a bit controlling, from what my mum has said.

Your mum needs legal advice before she agrees to anything.

Even if she's in an annexe she would be living in your sisters home and could be asked to leave at any time unless she has explicit legal protection that says otherwise. What happens if your sister wants to move in the future? They'd have no obligation to buy another house with an annexe....

Unless she is careful she could be in a position of giving away all her assets (for the house and lump sum to you) and find herself left with nothing and in effect destitute.

She'd also have undermined any state help because by giving her money away, she would be considered as having deliberately disposed of her assets (look up the term deprivation of assets).

It sounds to me that she really has not thought this through and the complexities family relationships aside this isn't something she should rush into.

I get her to see a solicitor and you may find once she's aware of all the risks, she changes her mind (or your sister does if she's not willing to give your DM any legal protection to remain in the annexe).

She says she'll visit you - but what about when she is housebound, how will it work then?

It doesn't sound as if she has thought it through.

I would be slightly more concerned by the fact that your sister and bil will be buying a much larger house - and using your mother's money to do it.

You mum really needs to take some independent financial and legal advice on this, especially bearing in mind your estrangement from your sister, and the possible controlling nature of bil.

If your mum is living in her own separate annex, she can invite whoever she wants to visit her there. You would not need to encounter your sister.

My sister's husband is perhaps a bit controlling, from what my mum has said.

Do you think it could be him encouraging your sister to distance you? What was the falling out with your sister about?

Apologies, don't know how to reply individually. All very wise advice, thank you very much.
I can see now that she could be making herself very vulnerable, I had thought about what happens if sis/ BiL have to sell up on divorce for example (as that happened to me), but not the relocation/ future house move aspect. That seems a lot more likely. They have moved several times.
They could move her anywhere they choose, somewhere too far for her to easily travel to see me and yes, when she becomes housebound I'd be totally excluded, wherever she was.
I do think BiL could be the main force behind the distancing, mum has hinted as much, but I thought she was making excuses for sis. He is a bit of a twit.
We fell out because of moral disapproval around my divorce basically, sis and mum are very strict about keeping up appearances, quite religious, anti sex outside marriage, anti divorce, anti choice, very judgmental of others failings etc. I think they see me as a bad influence, or even an embarrassment.
Also it was down to my ex lying his head off about me to anyone who'd listen, for months. Mud does stick, unfortunately. Divorce took 4 years as he refused to split assets, on the grounds that it "was my idea." Started a relationship with one of the school mums the day I left, but that was fine!

How old is your DM?

She's 70 this year.

Have they eyes on her cash right now and using the move as being in her favour when the need her cash injection to buy Dream Home?

Quite possibly.
Very cynical, but I can see it coming now! "Look at us, aren't we wonderful taking mum in! #family" whilst trousering the cash.

Well when your dm needs care in her dotage the Bum Wiper is already on hand!

But that's not what they are promising is it.

It's independent housing in an annexe.

If she does need assistance in the future are they going to provide it?

Because otherwise she's in trouble having divested away all her assets - the state won't pay for home help or accommodation.

The whole thing has disaster written all over it.

There's potentially a lot of financial and legal stuff that needs to be considered here. Possibly, they will be applying for Power of Attorney at some point which will reduce your say even further.

Also, they will be in a position of having to care for her as she gets older and possibly unwell/frail.

The whole thing sounds a bit dubious.

Call your local Age UK maybe and just talk through the details and ramifications for your mum.

I'm sorry but this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Your sister does not sound like a nice person.
Can you talk your mum out of it? Does she really WANT to do it?

if she's in good health and only 70, no one's going to be looking at divestment of assets.

This happens a lot then when the person needs care the family suddenly can't live with them anymore and they have no assets so it is off to the only shitty care home that the council will fund.

Council run carehomes are great! And most carehomes are a mix of state funded and private - they charge the private ones £££ to subsidise the state funded ones.

That said, no, she shouldn't just give all her money to the daughter she is living with in the hopes of future care being covered.
Apart from anything else, if the daughter divorces, there go half the assets

Finances aside, your fit and healthy mum should not be doing this. She must know how things are between you and your sister and see how difficult it would be for you to visit. I’m sorry OP.