Why did he blush?

[Lucy Long Socks]

So I've been with my partner for 20 years. We went through a rough patch about 8 months ago, but things improved after several months. I am pretty sure we're back to normal now.
He's joined a popular established band (he's a lead guitar player/vocals) the band (not famous) he's joined has a female singer. She's attractive. I've never had any trust issues before, ever. But when I was chatting with my partner a couple of days ago, he was talking about this woman as he does with the band. When he blushed!. Then he kind of looked away like he knew he was blushing. Neither of us mentioned it. But now, I can't stop thinking about it. There's only one reason why he'd blush as far as I'm concerned. I've been panicking ever since. He wasn't talking about anything embarrassing. Just that her picture was in the local newspaper and about that.
They are going on a mini tour of the UK in 3 months, which means nights away, for 4 weeks. I am beside myself. I'm not normally the jealous type.

[SallyWD]

Well maybe he does find her attractive. You've said she is attractive. It's OK to find other people good looking. I sometimes blush when talking to a sexy colleague (so embarrassing) but it doesn't mean I'd ever do anything. I'm happily married and would never betray my husband. We have a mutual friend and I can tell from my DH's facial expressions that he fancies her a bit. I understand why as she's gorgeous. I don't think he'd ever do anything with her though. It's just human nature. You're never going to stop fancying people because you're in a relationship. As long as you trust him!

[Thisisworsethananticpated]

He’s clearly got a stinking crush on her 😟

now the question is will be act on it ?
crushes come , and crushes go
I had many crushes when with my ex
never acted on them
never cheated

it’s somewhat in the hands of god

will he act on it
and can you have an adult conversation and eyeball him abiut it ?

[cafcass123]

Blushing isn't always a sign of guilt. He might think that you think he fancies her. That's enough to produce a blush in some cases.

[seaUrchinOne]

He probably does fancy her but that doesn't mean she feels the same!
I think there has to be some trust here.

[Annoyedwithmyself]

Perhaps he does think she's attractive. not necessarily meaningful. Do you think he would act on it, does he have form?

[boobot1]

@cafcass123

Blushing isn't always a sign of guilt. He might think that you think he fancies her. That's enough to produce a blush in some cases.

This, I blush for no reason at all. People always read in to it what is not there.

[gannett]

I would be pretty disturbed if I knew DP was monitoring my blushing and reading things into it.

[Trixiefirecracker]

I blush uncontrollably. Do you have other reasons to think your partner is untrustworthy?

[SparklingPeach]

I'm a blush-er! I've been with my DH for 25 years and during that time there are a few people I've found attractive. I'd never cheat on him though.

[MistyRock]

When I was younger someone told me a work colleague fancied me, from then on I'd always blush talking to him. I did NOT fancy him at all.

[Watchkeys]

it’s somewhat in the hands of god

Whether he finds her attractive is, but whether OP has anything to be concerned about isn't. It's in the hands of OP's partner.

OP, you've been with him 20 years. Can you seriously not say to him 'Do you fancy her?' If not, why not?

[getsomehelp]

Well you are going to have to tackle him.
Ask him how he feels about her in view if his reaction
He needs to tell you if there had been any snogging/shagging, now or in the future because the paranoia is eating you up. You do not deserve this & whatever his intentions you just need to know. (Plus get to sti test.)
& just for info. He is out if he's fucking around

[Watchkeys]

Very combative advice from getsomehelp. She's not found receipts for lingerie, a sleazy hotel, and lipstick on his collar. 'Why did you blush?' should be sufficient.

You do not deserve this

Quite possibly, if all he's done is blush because he's attracted to someone and feels uncomfortable about it, he doesn't deserve this distrust, or for his partner to feel paranoid about him.

[Lucy Long Socks]

So yes, there has been something else that got to me. He arranged to go to his friends allotment to help out. He told me on the day. "I'm going to help Jake" I never thought anything of it. Just carried on my day. He got back after 9/10 hours. He then said "oh kenz (woman in question) popped over too, I think she was bored". I just had a feeling something was off. So after an argument about it, he gave me his phone for me to check. I did. There was a message from her the day before saying "see you tomorrow as planned" So she didn't just pop in. It was arranged the day before, and he made no mention of her. So this is something else now.

[sidebirds]

@cafcass123

Blushing isn't always a sign of guilt. He might think that you think he fancies her. That's enough to produce a blush in some cases.

🎯 🎯🎯

[Flyinggeese1234]

OP your latest post puts another spin on it entirely. He lied about something that, if it was totally innocent, there was no need to lie about. That undermines trust massively for me. No wonder you’re feeling unsettled.

[Watchkeys]

Have you spoken to him about it, OP?

[Pinkbonbon]

Does she know he is married?

My first plan of action would be to go to his gigs and be fairly affectionate with him whilst there. Just to gage both their reactions. If she seems upset or angry then you'll know he has been telling her you two are actually on the out or some similar bs. Same if he seems annoyed at you.

[Pinkbonbon]

Also, wouldn't he OK with my partner fucking off and leaving me for a month anyway. Not unless it'll seriously bring home some cheddar.

[DatingDinosaur]

Does he talk about her a lot? Any opportunity to mention "the band"?

Maybe he realised mid sentence that he has Mentionitis? (the blush and look away is how I would react when I realise I'm waffling on about a secret crush and feel like I've just outed myself)

Sorry but it sounds a bit ... :/ particularly with your update. I'm not surprised you're feeling on high alert.

[Watchkeys]

@Pinkbonbon

Does she know he is married?

My first plan of action would be to go to his gigs and be fairly affectionate with him whilst there. Just to gage both their reactions. If she seems upset or angry then you'll know he has been telling her you two are actually on the out or some similar bs. Same if he seems annoyed at you.

Such games.

If you feel you have to do this, there's no trust, and the relationship is done.

Ask him. If his response makes you feel better, great. If not, he's a liar or you don't trust him or he tells you what you don't want to hear. Take it from there.

[ethelredonagoodday]

I am also a blusher and it can pop up at the most unexpected times. Don't read too much into it!

[ethelredonagoodday]

Although having read your latest post that's a slightly different thing. But I'd still not be too suspicious. I was in a band and my husband was constantly ribbing me about the blokes... 🙄 with zero reason to do so...

[Lucy Long Socks]

So we had it out. He said he just didn't mention her coming over because he didn't think. It wasn't important and so on. I don't actually believe this. I think he doesn't want me with his new cool mates, he wants them to himself. Obviously he cant say this. I don't think he's cheating. He may fancy her. Hence the blush. I think I trust him, like 99%. But you know every man I've been with has cheated. My perfect family man dad totally shocked everyone who knew him when he cheated. So I'd never say never. I'm just so confused right now. Thanks for all the helpful comments people. Some have helped a lot.

[Lucy Long Socks]

@Pinkbonbon

Does she know he is married?

My first plan of action would be to go to his gigs and be fairly affectionate with him whilst there. Just to gage both their reactions. If she seems upset or angry then you'll know he has been telling her you two are actually on the out or some similar bs. Same if he seems annoyed at you.

She does know. I've met her a few times and she is actually nice.