Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

In one hour

36 replies

Asti4ever · 06/07/2022 12:30

I tell my husband i want a divorce. I fear him getting angry. But kids out of the House for 2 nights so now is the day. Wish me luck!!!

OP posts:

Report

WhenDovesFly · 06/07/2022 12:33

Good luck OP. Make sure he's not between you and the door if he's likely to get angry. I hope you have some support IRL too.

Today is the first day of your new life, let us know how you get on and come back for support and advice if you need it .

BouncyBalls · 06/07/2022 13:10

Im about to do the same tonight. Never seems to be the right moment. I cant seem to find the words. How are you planning to broach it

trevthecat · 06/07/2022 13:19

Oh good luck. We're all here behind you

stoptheride · 06/07/2022 13:44

Best of luck! Stay strong.

oobeedoobee · 06/07/2022 13:45

Good luck OP, I hope it goes better than you'd imagined it would

19Bears · 06/07/2022 13:55

Good luck, we're all with you xx

PrincessPark · 06/07/2022 14:21

Best of luck

Asti4ever · 06/07/2022 14:23

Said it. Hes not happy but ok. He left for a few hours. I am relieved..

OP posts:

19Bears · 06/07/2022 15:39

Well done @Asti4ever I need to do this too.

2022NewTimes · 06/07/2022 17:58

@Asti4ever There is never an easy way to say it - but it is better for both of you in the long run if you are not happy

Asti4ever · 12/07/2022 15:35

How do you cope in the House together, including (my) child?
He is crying to her (14) and she is angry at me.

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 12/07/2022 15:58

You keep going, visualise your future without him and keep moving towards it.
He should not be emotionally manipulating your child, the time for tears is when the kids are not with you.

Asti4ever · 12/07/2022 16:00

I'm not crying - yet! I just want out. Found temporarily flat for 8 months, leaving in 3 weeks. But he make it so hard and my dd is so angry, confused and sad..

OP posts:

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 12/07/2022 16:06

Would he be receptive if you calmly told him that it's not fair to expect his child to meet his emotional needs? He should be speaking to his parents, siblings friends etc. Not his 14yo daughter! He needs to be supporting HER into this next phase, not the other way round.

Asti4ever · 12/07/2022 16:07

My child . Not his. He speak to my family, my friends..

OP posts:

Oopsiedaisyy · 12/07/2022 16:49

Take her out for a coffee and explain calmly, and without criticism of your ex, why you are ending the relationship.

Asti4ever · 12/07/2022 17:06

I did. But it is just so hard being in the same house..

OP posts:

2022NewTimes · 12/07/2022 17:22

@Asti4ever I moved out with DCs and animals - would not have been able to live there while we sold the house......

Aquamarine1029 · 12/07/2022 17:23

Tell him to stay away from your child, the prick. He should not be discussing this with them. He's trying to turn them against you.

Asti4ever · 12/07/2022 17:24

I have a temporary flat in 3 weeks.. has to stay for 3 weeks.. he is charming my dd, talking to my friends and family, rude and sarcastic with me one moment, crying the next. Just 3 weeks...

OP posts:

Asti4ever · 12/07/2022 17:25

He has known her since she was one, she call him dad.. today they were at the beach. I didn't want to go. Got a meeting with a lawyer instead.

OP posts:

movingon2022 · 12/07/2022 17:39

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 12/07/2022 16:06

Would he be receptive if you calmly told him that it's not fair to expect his child to meet his emotional needs? He should be speaking to his parents, siblings friends etc. Not his 14yo daughter! He needs to be supporting HER into this next phase, not the other way round.

Yes, this, @EvenMoreFuriousVexation you said it so well, my ex does these kinds of things to our children. He tells them that he has no friends and that they are the only people he sees so they better come to visit every week. My youngest (17yo) came to tell me this and even she commented how this is not fair and is totally inappropriate of him to lay this kind of burden on them. She said, "he should be talking to his friends or a therapist not us".

Anyway, OP you did the hardest part, you had "the talk" with him, but this next while will be hard too. I lived with my ex for four months after I said I wanted to separate. I slept on the floor in the same room this whole time terrified that one of the kids will come in one morning and find me there. It was very difficult and emotionally draining and because we did not tell the kids right away so I had to hide it from them. However, it will all pass, and you will get to the other side.
Luckily for you it is "only" three weeks. I did everything I could think of to help me get through it. I was going to therapy, I meditated, did yoga, prayed (not religious at all), I posted on MN… a lot, went out as much as I could, met with family and friends and took my kids out for treats. (…and drank a lot of wine I am afraid 🙄).

When it comes to your child, I strongly believe that the kids (no matter the age) will mimic your behaviour and will follow your feelings. You daughter is upset because he spoke with her and upset her. You need to talk to her and reassure her that everything will be ok, but whenever you talk to her stay calm and composed, do not show emotions, do not catastrophize the situation. Divorce is not something people want to happen of course, but it is not the end of the world either and you need to communicate that to her. Just tell her in simple terms that you and your husband do not get along so well anymore and that you are not happy. Stay strong and keep posting.💕

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Sapphirensteel · 12/07/2022 20:20

That’s nasty crying to a 14 year old, he’s an adult ffs.
Is there any chance you and dc can stay with friends or family for the next 3 weeks? Doesn’t sound like he’s going to put the dc needs first, not his own.

Asti4ever · 13/07/2022 05:56

Ok i am in doubt and asking you..
My h had a holiday Home (shared equally by marriage) that we sold 4 years ago to renovate our farm.
He now say he want that money, before we share the rest, in House sale.
I talked to a layer, who laughed. Obviously, there a the legal rules and he has no leg to stand ob. He also say, as my dd was a baby when we met and she Call him dad, he "gained" a child and as i cant take her back, morally we should share everything we came with, including finanses.
Im not sure? If i dont agree i am a money grabbing cow, like every woman. But i work for him and also loosing my job, so it might be stupid to give that money up?

OP posts:

KangarooKenny · 13/07/2022 07:15

You take what is legally yours. Don’t agree to anything with him until you’ve run it past your solicitor.

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.