Miss my adult daughter so much

[tiredofthisshit21]

I feel a bit pathetic writing this as I went through it when she went off to uni last year, but I dropped her off for a summer of travelling the world this weekend and I'm missing her so much that my heart hurts. The house feels empty without her lively chatter. I think it's because it's always been me and her against the world since I got divorced and we're a little team. Am remarried so it's not that I'm home on my own and lonely but OMG there are reminders of her everywhere and I miss her so much.

Help me to make this feel better - what do you do to distract yourselves if you're missing your kids?

Remind yourself she is not dead
She is having a lovely tine
She has got to where she is because you brought her up to be independent
You did great job
Be proud

I've been separated for 8 years and I still sometimes feel lost when they are with their Dad EOW.

By the time they go on a Friday I'm happy to wave them off and looking forward to either resting, going out or getting some jobs done. By about afternoon on Saturday I'm missing them and could happily have them back. By the time they've been back an hour on Sunday evening I'm ready for them to go again!

I'm dreading the empty nest; three children feels like chaos sometimes but I can't imagine what it will be like once it's just me in the future (I WFH and don't like online dating so I cant imagine where I might meet a future partner, so I'm guessing I will be alone once they've all gone)

It is so lovely that you clearly adore your daughter so much.
Mine is much younger but if she's ever away I have videos of her that I like to watch (over and over again)

@cestlavielife harsh but true re the remind yourself she's not dead comment - I do know that I need to get a grip! Honestly didn't think I'd feel like this this summer as I know she's off having an amazing time, and I got over the leaving for uni thing. Just feel like I'm going through that same sadness all over again.

When i miss mine i play her favourite music and dance around pretending she is still here. A little cry now and again helps too. And we text a lot. And i like tidying her room and looking at all her lovely clothes and treasures. And look forward to the next date when u can see her again or next facetime. And be really glad the worst of covid is over and she can have her adventures.

It must be so hard. Mine are still younger but this still gave me a little chill. I remember driving with my dad to drop my older brother off at university and he cried half the way home (he is such a softie). For a few weeks he kept saying I feel like my family has been ripped apart. My little brother and I were pretty unfazed by the whole thing and dad did seem to cheer up. But it is such a big event. As others have said it’s brilliant that you have raised such a lovely and independent young women. Maybe just focus on taking care of yourself. Doing things to comfort yourself. Good luck

I think sometimes you just have to let yourself feel sad. Trust that it will pass and you'll come to terms with it. As PPs have said you've done a great job in raising her, the changes are positive but difficult for you nonetheless.

Mine is (hopefully, fingers, toes, eyes and legs crossed, results pending!!) off to uni' this September. In the meantime, she has a boyfriend she pretty much moves in with, end of week until Sunday evening, then on the holidays, and now they're off to France.

I do feel a bit bereft.

But DH reminds me to enjoy her when we can, while we can, and how wonderful it is that she's so confident, in a great relationship, and living her (no hashtag) best life.

I sympathise, I sobbed like a baby all the way home from dropping my oldest at uni last year! Still struggle now when he goes back after a holiday, but I know I'd be an absolute mess if he went off travelling. There's nothing wrong with being upset, it's the firmest of attachments and just because it's natural - and desirable - that they reach independence and grow away, doesn't mean it's painless for us. I don't let him see me upset, he sees a bright smile and encouragement to enjoy himself, but yeah, I miss him like crazy.

You sound like a lovely lovely mum, and although I can't relate exactly I truly hope to be in your position one day when my kids have grown up. You've given her her wings, and she'll always have a safe place to come back to. I hope the sadness fades a little into pride, delight in her experiences, and acceptance that you both are where you need to be and doing what you need to do right now.
I would also imagine you get her 'back' in the future chapters of your lives. Isn't life one big rollercoaster of emotions!

My sons and daughters have all been gone for at least two years - four of them are married, last one is getting married next year and I still have times where I miss one or other of them particularly. I love all the inlaws but sometimes I long for those nights when I would spend time with just one of them.

Only one lives locally now. On Saturday she had a day of work, DH and her husband were both working so we met up and went out for lunch. It was so good to spend time together. I was on a high for the rest of the weekend because I appreciate her company.

Aw thankyou for your kind messages, I have a little tear in my eye. Good to know I'm not alone.

It's not pathetic, it's still so soon and it does get easier. Allow yourself time to wallow but then be happy you raised a confident independent young woman and you can share in this amazing time she's having.

I often wonder how parents coped before being able to keep in touch with mobiles and Internet.

My 25 year old son left home a few weeks ago to live with his partner. He's had serious illness and there was a time I never imagined him being well enough to lead a full life.

I can't go into his room, I am crying when I am alone, his space at our table is painful to look at and inside I'm a real mess because I know this signals a change in our relationship.

However.

I visited them last weekend and he was so so happy. They were excited to show me how they're doing their place out and his new life is full of plans. It's all I've ever wanted for him.
I'm so happy for him. It's the life he deserves.

But it's painful. It's a wonderful but painful thing to be a mum. You've done amazingly well to create and nurture a brave and intrepid young woman setting out into the world. Well done to you. She will always need her mum I'm sure.

@WotsitsQuavers I'd not seen this for ages - that made me have a little cry to myself again even though DD is only 12!!

Sending hugs OP, it's hard. You sound like a wonderful mum and your DD is lucky to have you.

I'm with you in this process. I think it is a big one and different for each person.

I've had a series of little practices over the years though, with her going off to her dads over a distance since she was about eight and this summer - some more practice at being apart - as she has three summer schools for uni.

I find there are so many mixed feelings around it. I spoke to a few dads - having gone through the same and they actually feel it more than me.

I'm a single parent and perhaps for that reason there are things I enjoy about her being away - i.e 75 per cent less housework and organisation to do (and she does pull her weight in the house)...

I wasn't looking forward to her going to uni - but next year, but I kind of am now - as I know she needs to spread her wings and so do I!

I don't think there will be an emotional scene at dropping her off as she will go on the train (as she has done with summer schools).

I'm seeing the next eighteen months as a challenge and practice for that.

It is definitely a form of loss and grief which is different for each of us.

I left home for uni - before the age of the internet and don't think I ever appreciated how my mum felt when I went abroad to work for years. But then unless you are a mum yourself I'm not sure you do.

I think the safety net thing is really important.

You have moments where you start to think they don't need you anymore - but actually I really think they DO when something happens. It doesn't have to be a huge catastrophe, just something they encounter that is new or they don't know how to do - and then it's 'hey mum...what do I do about this?'

I'm kind of happy about those moments because it gives me an opportunity to help.

I've tried to bring my daughter up to understand that when she goes to places I need to know where she is - not because I'm nosey or interfering but for health and safety reasons and I'm her next of kin and safety contact (aside from her friends that is).

I would really appreciate it on here if we would talk more about this as it is a HUGE, HUGE psychological and emotional and practical process.

Like others I don't do ONLINE dating or anything but I'm appreciating the quiet and space I have - just now with her being out and about more - and trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life!

Thinking of you OP.

It Is horrendously painful, I was physically sick and cried daily for two weeks at first. I couldnt look at her room or her things for a good long time. It was raw, and I would find myself crying hearing her songs or seeing her favourite birds out of the blue.

i feel comforted by reminding myself how lucky I am that she is living such an amazing life, fulfilling life - the alternative of her being stuck here with me wasting her chances doesn’t bear thinking about, she is growing into the most incredible woman.

I do grit my teeth a lot and hope she is safe, I look forward to seeing her, plan lovely things to do together and treasure the time I have when she is here. I start a degree this autumn and I am now planning my next chapter so I have something to look forward to 💐

Can you get her to write a travel blog. I'm sure you and her friends would enjoy that and would be able to keep in touch. It doesn't need to be a public blog you can have private settings on it.

Either that or facetime.

Yes, travelling the world must be difficult for you - I get it. Mine is a high flyer already academically so I'm sure there will be that to contend with later. You are being so brave Op.

Your posts made my eyes prickle with tears. 💐 to all the parents missing their dc,

@siblingrevelryagain

I could have written this post! Everything about it applies to me. I keep thinking that in a few years my 3 will be gone and then what?

I’m seriously thinking about fostering.

Me too, and she has only gone as far as going to see 'Minions' with her mate!

Foreign students for six weeks?

Ugh no I can't bear other people's kids! 😂

Oh God I thought I'd allow myself a little cry and I can't seem to stop, floodgates are open 😭