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Original poster

DC's first heartbreak

33 replies

FluffingMarvellous · 03/07/2022 18:49

OK so not my own relationship...my child's. And they are only teeny (upper primary) but had had the same relationship for almost a year which is forever at that age!

Took it really seriously, always looking out for each other, making cute cards, lovely gifts at valentines, trips together with other friends. Just generally adorable together.

But got dumped this week :( not sure if for someone else or just one of those things.

My heart hurts for DC2! They literally cried on me for an hour and said no more relationships ever as it hurts too much. I hadn't been prepared for how much it can hurt feeling that sort of pain through them...

OP posts:
bloodyunicorns · 03/07/2022 18:52

Oh for goodness sake... In the kindest possible way, do get a grip. They're far too young for boyfriends and girlfriends, and they cannot be 'heartbroken' at primary school.

MadMadMadamMim · 03/07/2022 19:04

Oh dear. I'm feeling very sorry for your child who is clearly upset at the loss of a 'friend' but honestly - you were silly to allow this kind of intensity in a primary aged child.

It's not appropriate and it's certainly not 'adorable'. There's something very odd about encouraging this type of behaviour in a child. Far too precocious. I'd have briskly discouraged the idea of a valentine's gift or any kind of romance!

FiveHargreeves · 03/07/2022 19:08

I'm a primary school teacher and I won't hear of girlfriends and boyfriends. I think it's quite the opposite of adorable.

And I certainly wouldn't let my own pre-pubescent children talk about relationships.

MWNA · 03/07/2022 19:09

bloodyunicorns · 03/07/2022 18:52

Oh for goodness sake... In the kindest possible way, do get a grip. They're far too young for boyfriends and girlfriends, and they cannot be 'heartbroken' at primary school.

What a nasty response.

Children have powerful feelings. Companionship and affection and the certain, loving safety of a bond at 10/11 is incredibly meaningful.
Bring dumped is painful at any age. Whether it be your best friend abandoning you for another girl or your boyfriend finishing with you. Must be so hard for her to adjust and understand. My heart would be a bit broken if she were mine too.

Ignore insensitive idiots, OP, who believe that children can't feel strong attachments. They're probably the same people who think children can't or don't experience sexual feelings. They're wrong. And they do children a massive, ignorant disservice.

girlmom21 · 03/07/2022 19:12

FiveHargreeves · 03/07/2022 19:08

I'm a primary school teacher and I won't hear of girlfriends and boyfriends. I think it's quite the opposite of adorable.

And I certainly wouldn't let my own pre-pubescent children talk about relationships.

You don't let your children talk about relationships? That's awful. You can't just pretend they don't exist. Age-appropriate education is the way forward. Don't you have to teach sex education to pre-pubescent children?

Stichintime · 03/07/2022 19:12

Sounds like you were all taking it too seriously. Probably would have died out a lot sooner and with less tears if you hadn't allowed this intensity.

Kitten2 · 03/07/2022 19:14

Oh for goodness sake... In the kindest possible way, do get a grip. They're far too young for boyfriends and girlfriends, and they cannot be 'heartbroken' at primary school.

Nonsense.
They have become close to someone and the friendship (or 'bf/gf' situation) has come to an end. That's going to be upsetting whatever age you are. Losing someone your close to hurts, rejection hurts.

I think you treat this as you would a falling out with a friend. Openness to talk about it. Extra love. Distractions.

FiveHargreeves · 03/07/2022 19:16

That is not the same thing, knowing about relationships and sex is not the same as children having boyfriends and girlfriends and seeking adult affirmation for that.

FiveHargreeves · 03/07/2022 19:17

Ignore insensitive idiots, OP, who believe that children can't feel strong attachments. They're probably the same people who think children can't or don't experience sexual feelings. They're wrong.

Good Lord.

plasidr · 03/07/2022 19:18

Primary age children should have friends. NOT relationships.

LittleSockOfHorrors · 03/07/2022 19:18

plasidr · 03/07/2022 19:18

Primary age children should have friends. NOT relationships.

Absolutely.

BecauseICan22 · 03/07/2022 19:20

Upper primary so year 4, 5 or 6? I have a year 3 and year 5 child and no way on this earth would I have facilitated this for a year.

You need to help your child through their pain but help them to understand that this was NOT a relationship, there are so many other amazing things for them to be focusing on now and for the foreseeable and for the love of all things good, help them to grow in the right direction, not in the direction of 'relationship drama' at PRIMARY school.

PeekAtYou · 03/07/2022 19:20

Are they in year 6 and going to different schools soon anyway ?

While it's sad that she's lost a friend, I would never have encouraged this "relationship"

Bibbetybobbity · 03/07/2022 19:21

Sorry- I agree this is weird too. I think I’d treat the same way as if it was a friendship ‘breakup’ because that sounds like what it was?? So some normal distractions and whatnot, sure they’ll move on.

Prinnny · 03/07/2022 19:22

Upper primary school???! I thought you was going to say late secondary at a push!

I remember pretending to get married at primary school but nothing on this level, that’s mental!

PeekAtYou · 03/07/2022 19:28

You don't let your children talk about relationships? That's awful. You can't just pretend they don't exist. Age-appropriate education is the way forward. Don't you have to teach sex education to pre-pubescent children?

I think it's fine to teach children that sex is for adults and "romantic" relationships are for people older than them.

Original poster
FluffingMarvellous · 03/07/2022 19:34

I'd like to clarify there was definitely nothing sexual going on there! But my DC did definitely care very deeply and was hurt in a different way to other friendship breakups. I don't think I can trivialise that. Thanks to the pps who have said about openness and room to talk, share feelings. That's the line I've taken.

OP posts:
PeekAtYou · 03/07/2022 19:35

I don't think anything inappropriate was going on but presumably this is the equivalent of losing a best friend which has a sad.

FriedTomatoe · 03/07/2022 19:36

I think it's a little odd but then I remember my own kids in year 6 - all their friends had crushes and it made me think how aware children are nowadays of so much.

I think now is a good time to talk about feelings, relationships and let her know that it will pass.

LittleSockOfHorrors · 03/07/2022 19:36

Age-appropriate education is the way forward.
Yes, and it isn't age appropriate to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in primary school.

alpenguin · 03/07/2022 19:41

In Scotland upper primary can be 12 years old and kids that age can and do develop feelings for each other. First crushes can be incredibly strong. Mine was and last years throughout primary and into second year at secondary. He was also my best friend for a lot of that and it was perfectly innocent. It doesn’t really matter if they call it best friends or boyfriend/girlfriend /whatever, it was a close friendship and they shared feelings. Nothing unusual or wrong about that.

OP just allow your child to talk about their feelings, reassure them it’s normal and that they’ll make lots of new and other good friends at high school.

legalseagull · 03/07/2022 19:55

Lots of heartless responses here.

My best friend was a boy in primary. We were inseparable, to the point where the teachers moved us in to separate classes. I definitely loved him in a none romantic way. It was only as an adult that I realise I clung on to him to replace my dad, who we had moved 300 miles away from.

I was heartbroken like your DD when he went to a different school. Distraught. In hindsight I was unhealthily substituting him for my dad.

Attachment issues needing to be addressed?

I would worry about this at this age as she might be the type to fall deeply for any old boy that shows her attention

LittleBrenda · 03/07/2022 19:55

It doesn’t really matter if they call it best friends or boyfriend/girlfriend /whatever, it was a close friendship and they shared feelings. Nothing unusual or wrong about that.

If it doesn't matter what you call it, then call it best friends.

I can't see how children who aren't going out on dates (for want of a better word) and kissing are boyfriend and girlfriend.

They are friends so call them friends.

Cas112 · 03/07/2022 20:02

This is really weird OP, it's primary school age. Really not that serious and it sounds like your attitude towards it is enabling an even more dramatic reaction to the break up. They are kids they will forget about it in a matter of days🙄

girlmom21 · 03/07/2022 20:11

LittleSockOfHorrors · 03/07/2022 19:36

Age-appropriate education is the way forward.
Yes, and it isn't age appropriate to have a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship in primary school.

And it isn't appropriate to ban all talk of relationships.

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