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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I the unreasonable one

27 replies

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 14:11

This may seem incredibly petty, but this has been a build up of nit picking and generally being dismissive and uninterested.

I've been out with my children, partner was at home this morning with his, who he's now taken home.
I've come home let the puppy out and left the door open for him, gone upstairs to tidy up hoover and so on.
He's come home gone and sat in the garden so I've gone out to sit with him.

Noted a new jumper said " that's nice where is it from?"
Him " i got it when I was out" very short vague and ubrupt.
Him " oh and the dog has chewed up a ps controller that's £60, you could at least watch him"
Me " I was upstairs tidying and I didn't know you had left it in a place he could reach it to chew it" anyway I'm going to finish what I was doing"

He knows the puppy takes things at the moment hence why the controllers go up on the manual, why is it my fault that its been left in his reach? Or am I being unreasonable for him being annoyed at me for it?

Again this morning I'd said my mum would have my two so we could go out for a few drinks together, and listen to some live bands. His response was I'll be going anyway so up to you.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 02/07/2022 14:15

When did the dog chew up the controller? He's obviously pissed about that but it's not your problem that he doesn't put his things away.

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 14:18

He obviously did it when I was upstairs. Well that was sort of my point, don't leave it where he can reach it, he knows he's going through a phase. But he makes it seem like I'm unreasonable for being annoyed he's blaming me for it. Anyway he's sulked off to god knows where now

OP posts:
RaleighDurham · 02/07/2022 14:19

"His response was I'll be going anyway so up to you."
So he doesn't really give a shit whether you go with him or not?
Nice.

Orgasmagorical · 02/07/2022 14:20

This may seem incredibly petty, but this has been a build up of nit picking and generally being dismissive and uninterested.

why is it my fault that its been left in his reach? Or am I being unreasonable for him being annoyed at me for it?

From your one post it sounds like he wants to be annoyed at you so will find/use any excuse.

Have you asked him why he's behaving that way towards you?

dustandroses · 02/07/2022 14:21

A puppy needs supervising, he’s been left too long if he can chew a controller.

Other than that yes he should put his stuff away and yes he does sound uninterested I and dismissive of you.

girlmom21 · 02/07/2022 14:23

dustandroses · 02/07/2022 14:21

A puppy needs supervising, he’s been left too long if he can chew a controller.

Other than that yes he should put his stuff away and yes he does sound uninterested I and dismissive of you.

Well he can supervise the dog while she's cleaning up - probably after his kids - can't he, instead of going to sit in the garden.

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 14:25

He honestly wasn't left that long, it's still in tact and not broken, just teeth marks in it, he tends to just collect stuff, he was left maybe 10 mins, he likes to sunbath in the garden.

Well yeah that was my point of, he doesn't really care, I made the effort to try and arrange child care and he's not really fussed. Now he's sulked off I've no idea if we will even be going out. Just getting fed up with it.

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/07/2022 14:28

He's checked out, so I would assist him by showing him the door and locking it behind him.

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 14:31

The frustrating thing is we have two holidays booked in August together, so trying to figure out how we're going to make it to then

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/07/2022 14:32

He's a right narky bugger, isn't he?

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 14:36

He really is narky, and then blames me when I get annoyed about it, can't even talk about it as he turns it into an argument. So not really any resolve to it. Just that apparently I'm moody

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 02/07/2022 14:45

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 14:31

The frustrating thing is we have two holidays booked in August together, so trying to figure out how we're going to make it to then

Why put yourself through staying in such a horrible environment to wait to go on holiday, twice, only to break up when you get back?

Could you take a holiday each and go with someone else?

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 14:53

He could possibly take someone to the one we have booked abroad. And I could maybe find someone for our weekend but I would struggle as lots of my friends have work commitments or young children.

OP posts:
dustandroses · 02/07/2022 14:54

@girlmom21 the way I read it was that he was taking his DCs home while OP left the puppy downstairs and then DP came home and sat in the garden.

If he was in the garden all the time then yes he needs to be told to get to fuck.

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 15:13

@dustandroses you're correct, however regardless of if the back door was open or not he would have got hold of it, the rule is don't leave anything where he can get it. Had I seen it I would have moved it.

He left it either on the coffee table or on the floor. The dog isn't allowed upstairs so I wouldn't have taken him with me either way. And after days of DP moaning the bedroom is a mess I went to tidy it. But apparently I should have been sat watching the dog.

OP posts:
LairyMcClairy · 02/07/2022 15:16

Do you think he’s checked out or seeing someone else?

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 15:20

I think he's definitely checked out. I don't know about the second, I've not seen anything but I mean we all know that doesn't mean much. It had crossed my mind but nothing solid to make me think that

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 02/07/2022 15:26

Do you want to split up? I would not want to be with someone who told me they were going to see the bands anyway!

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 15:34

@Cherrysoup I really don't know at this point in time, I'm struggling as it's not the first time he's been like it, I usually get told
" you Only want to come with me to keep an eye on me" if I say I want to spend time together or do something together even if it's more something he enjoys

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 02/07/2022 15:38

@Losinghope9 sounds like he’s not bothered about spending time with you.

FictionalCharacter · 02/07/2022 15:42

Yes, he’s checked out. But he isn’t much of a catch is he?
He moans that the bedroom is untidy but doesn’t tidy it himself- so his moaning is an instruction to you to tidy it.
He sulks. He’s grumpy when you ask him a normal question in conversation.
He blames you for the puppy chewing stuff he’s left out.
He says he’s going out whether or not you go with him.
I do hope you really know that you’re not the unreasonable one.

Losinghope9 · 02/07/2022 15:46

I find it hard because he's so good and convincing me I'm the problem. Oh and I'd he does tidy it's a massive song and dance he's done it. But yeah I'm starting to get fed up with it. I try to make conversations and get one word responses or sarcastic one's. It's just tiring

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 02/07/2022 15:55

And after days of DP moaning the bedroom is a mess I went to tidy it

Why can he not tidy it up?

KangarooKenny · 02/07/2022 15:57

Sounds like he’s sucking the joy out of your life.

Orgasmagorical · 02/07/2022 17:30

I find it hard because he's so good and convincing me I'm the problem.

Well, we're here to tell you you're not. My ex was like that, very good with words, very quick with his lies, gaslighting, blaming me, very believable. It's only now I'm away from him I have the headspace to see clearly what he was doing.

If this guy isn't bringing anything positive to your life, or if the negatives outweight the positives now, take back control of your life. You're not there as a vessel for his shit Flowers