Wouldn't this give you the ick?

[CataTonic58]

If you were ever (knowingly) an OW, didn't it give you the ick knowing that the clothes he's turned up in were probably washed and ironed by his wife, that the aftershave he's wearing was probably bought for him as a present by his wife/DC, etc.?! Doesn't all that family stuff make him seem less - I dunno, 'sexy'?

You would like to think that but there's plenty of insecure women who get a huge ego boost from it.

It appears that some women get a thrill from pinching something that belongs to somebody else.

The Real ick would be him playing hide the sausage with someone other than his wife!!

I'd be more concerned with cross contamination. A quickie with the wife before work, then off to the OW straight after work

Agreed, this would be a real concern. Don't they know how risky this is or do they just not care. Not even talking serious STDs either. Just something that disturbs the ph balance can be a real bitch. That's surely a turn-off for an OW?

Women who are knowingly an OW probably either try to avoid thinking about those sorts of things, or they're deeply insecure and get off on seducing someone who's in a relationship.

It's often the case in affairs that the husband is feeding the OW a narrative that he's deeply unhappy in his marriage or that his wife is cold and unloving, so their minds seldom conjure up images of a wife lovingly ironing his shirts or spoiling him with expensive aftershave.

@yellowsmileyface I think that happens a lot- feeding a distinct narrative of not getting sex or only there for the kids etc- the sex might well be true- but that's possibly because he's a prick, the kind that has affairs

You made a good point about feeding a narrative (I hadn't thought of that).
So what, OW will be envisioning him at the ironing board, him cooking his dinner, etc. while his wife does, er, what?! There must be some sort of naivety going on? More likely then that a OW is a single woman who simply doesn't know what a family set-up looks like? (Or, she may have witnessed marital infidelity in her own parents?). She won't get the ick in the way I would because she pictures him as a bachelor anyway? (Especially if he has a mid-life crisis red convertible?!)

'The ick'? Talk about minimising things.

Agree. It's a really childish term.

Well I was the OW. He told me he was separated but living with her as friends for the kids / financial sake because she couldn't work or afford to leave.
No wedding ring, separate bedrooms (this was true because we'd often speak on the phone or FaceTime at night). I was still aware that she cooked for him, looked after the house, probably did wash his clothes etc. I didn't really care because I was caught up in the excitement of a new found attraction and it was all fun.
Until one day he told me they were going to a concert together and the penny dropped ... I never got the truth out of him about it because I blocked him.

We even slept together at his house once, saw her things around. I don't feel any guilt tbh. I didn't cheat on her, he did.

I get the "ick" when people think that wives do all the washing and ironing. Ffs!

@Kitten2 That's an honest and slightly worrying post.

Was the mention of the concert the first clue that he had been lying to you? Bit of a stupid mistake on his part?

@CataTonic58

More likely then that a OW is a single woman who simply doesn't know what a family set-up looks like? (Or, she may have witnessed marital infidelity in her own parents?). She won't get the ick in the way I would because she pictures him as a bachelor anyway? (Especially if he has a mid-life crisis red convertible?!)

This is the case with my DH's OW. At nearly 40 she has only in the last year got her own place, has never lived with anyone, has no kids. Her dad has had numerous affairs. She has shown a complete lack of empathy for myself or my children. She seemingly believes all his lies re our marriage being practically over before he met her anyway. This is despite being told otherwise, and seeing for herself on my social media. I know he has taken various gifts to her place that myself or our DD's got him. Doubt she cares.

Yep pretty grim, worse that they are still having sex with the wife. Some people have no standards though - hopefully what goes around comes around and they will get cheated on in a similar way.

As several posters have noted, if someone is knowingly the OW then they’re probably quite good at compartmentalising so the answer is because it doesn’t enter their head. Probably different if the OW is spinning a romantic fantasy yarn that one day he will leave his family for her. But anyone who’s just in it for the sex or whatever will not be thinking about a full picture.

I get the "ick" when people think that wives do all the washing and ironing. Ffs!

this too, though.

Why on earth would a man's clothes be washed and ironed by his wife???

This post is so dated! Is OP living in Mad Men?!

I’m not sleeping with any married men but I don’t assume any man I meet has their clothes washed and ironed by their wives, and most men I know choose and buy their own aftershave!

An OW will covet what they think the wife has even if that's just great sex (but more likely they'll think the wife has everything but the sex!). Some men will want variety in sexual partners while still remaining in a happy marriage. When you want something badly enough - and if you're stupid enough - rational thought doesn't enter into it.

Love these threads within a thread.

I would say it depends on the age of the posters. DD buys her dad's aftershaves. He's quite happy for someone else to be the decision-maker in that department!

I think this just says more about what you think grown men are like as standard, OP 😬

Are you from the 1950s? Or do you just keep your head up your arse there?

Every grown man I know looks after themselves, shares cooking and cleaning and does their own washing an ironing.

Maybe you need to set the bar higher yourself? 😂

Oh come on! you know all men who have an OW never ever have sex with their wives any more, lived separate lives for years......😉

Exactly 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Probably mate. I am quite old.

I had a brief relationship with a man just after I came out a LTR. He told me he was in a similar situation but it subsequently transpired that he hadn’t actually informed his partner that they had finished their LTR 🙄

When I found out I binned him off but it seems to be a very common story. I imagine people are probably less willing to post if they have knowingly been an OW but I wonder what proportion are fully aware?