Broke her to pieces..

[Swyna]

Well first of all, this new for me, being online and talking my thoughts.

Me and my gf have been together over 5 years, have 2 perfect kids and so far arguments are basicly zero or minimum. Till now, when I literally acted like a total moron.

We were at huge party what we were looking forward to for long time.. as usual, she’s was with her friends and me with mine.

All went wrong after I chose to open new bottle of rum.. yeah bad idea thinking now..

Well party went on and i got drunk as f. In some point i saw her dancing with a guy(who i know) and literally he’s no threat at all. Well on that point i got sooo jealous, don’t know why or was it alcohol speaking. I screamed in front of her friends and ofc no doubt humiliated her.. for flirting(obviously she didn’t)

Went home and slept on it.. since i basicly blacked out last 2 hours Ofc she didn’t.

We talked it through her and my side of story. Ofc shes mad and every right to be.. She said that she’s broken like never before.. Now i’m here looking for answers how the heck i’m gonna fix it.. She said, she loves me and feelings hasn’t changed, but something has and don’t know if and when it will be back to normal..

We still sleep in same bed, kisses me back if i do and ofc she’s chating with her friends 24/7 since she needs time. A break from me i guess.. I’m doing everything to fix it, being sweet in every way, taking kids so she could do what she needs to.

It’s been like this about 5 days. Being distant, thinking over and over and asking what happened. She said that acting front of other people like we’re alright but actually we’re not.

It’s killing inside like hell…trying to be best bf and father, but how long i can hold on to that bleeding inside while trying to fix it, if she’s cold. Not totaly but annoyingly

We’re not in Kansas anymore Toto.

And it appears we’ve forgotten where we are. 👠 👠

I think it’s humiliating for her and she is definitely giving you the silent treatment (so she should) drink or not there’s no need to act like that at all are you sure you trust her? she’s embarrassed it was done in front of a group of people 🙈

You need to stop beating yourself up.
You got drunk and made a twat of yourself. Most people do that.
Some of your comments about being with her friends sound like maybe you have an issue, jealousy maybe? Which could be why you reacted the way you did.

Also the fact you never argue means this seems way bigger.
She needs to get over it and you need to stop beating yourself up.
You've apologized and apparently she has accepted it.
If you want to quit drinking, do. It don't do it because you made one cock up.

Fair enough

See a counsellor who can help you unpick your jealousy and behaviour which worsens with alcohol.

Oh look, one of your mates has turned up to defend you.

I have no advice because I don't think you are relationship material and if I was your gf friend I would be hoping she is thinking the same.

You know what If a woman posted this about her husband you wouldn’t be getting as much grief wow you guys are horrible keyboard warriors. He admitted a horrible mistake we’ve all been there Jesus lighten up.
ignore the commenfs
my advice- get her some flowers, take her on a date, arrange another party with all your friends asap to show a united front. And apologise to her and the guy. Everyone gets pissdd and messes up it’s life

Whether she can forgive you or not will be dependent on your past behaviour I'm afraid.

If you have been supportive, loving and reliable she will be able to forgive you this one act of idiocy (although you must keep apologising and tell her why it will never happen again).

If you have been a bad partner, unsupportive, selfish and unreliable, then she will be considering if she wants to remain together.

Your past determines your future.

You really need to stop being a keyboard twat.

He admitted a horrible mistake we’ve all been there Jesus lighten up.

Everyone gets pissdd and messes up it’s life.

Where does this "everyone" gets drunk and does horrible things mentality come from? It's not true at all. It's yet another lazy excuse for inexcusable behaviour.

Thanx, advice i was looking forward.
i did apologize, gave flowers and said we should go on a date, not at the moment but if and when it’s getting lighter

That is not going to help. You didn't forget her birthday, you revealed something fundamentally terrifying about yourself that completely changes how she sees you, and you will not be able to change that back.

You behaved really badly and have decided to punish yourself by feeding yourself to the lions on here. You need to show her you know how much of a dick you were and treat her really well. You need to talk it through together like grown ups and move forward.

I'd be pissed off, but you're clearly sorry and it sounds like it was a one-off drunken thing, so I'd get over it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some of these comments, honestly..

Well said, anyways that’s enough for today, have a nice evening/morning but i’m off.

Honestly I think someone humiliating me in front of family or friends is one of the worst things anyone can do.
I personally couldn’t forgive this and it would be the end of the relationship.

The only thing you can do is apologise and never do it again.
She needs to know you are truly sorry and know that you’re never going to do anything like that again.
She may forgive you but it might take a couple of days or even months.
She may never be able to forgive you.

I've been drunk before now, but I have never behaved abusively to anybody, never mind a partner, whilst drunk (or sober, for that matter), whether in public or at home. I have, however, been on the receiving end of an abusive, jealous drunk who clearly believed that underneath it all, I was 'just a cheap whore waiting for her chance with other men who knew what I was like'.

I can't imagine anything worse than being manipulated by a bunch of carnations from the Co-op and expected to hold a party to prove to the world that I was perfectly happy being humiliated in front of my friends. And I wouldn't go to any 'party' if that was the point a friend's coercive/abusive/drunk partner wished to prove - I'd be avoiding him or her whilst hoping that their victim would see sense and get rid.

You humiliated her in public. She must be devastated.

No wonder she's being cool with you. Put your own feelings to one side and apologise again. Tell her how horrified and appalled you are at your own behaviour and that you are ashamed of what you did.

It's never acceptable to scream at your partner especially in front of others.

To be honest, I'm not surprised at her reaction and I suspect that, while you think your relationship has been perfect until now, she has had a different experience.

Quite apart from how abominable your behaviour was, it sounds like this might have been the final straw for her.

You need to have a conversation with her to understand what the underlying issues are. She'll probably tell you she's told you before.

If she decides it's over, you need to accept it.

You choose the wrong platform on here all the bitches come out to play, unfortunately not much you can do maybe apologise to everyone that was there she has every right to be pissed at you but if she is also normally the jealous one how does she react to that does she scream and shout at you in front of your friends I bet not

It’s not a misunderstanding, half the people on this site are bitter and dramatic and just looking for somebody to shit on so that they can feel better about themselves for a little while. Don’t take it personally!

Lots of good advice here already but have you apologised to her friends yet? Your best bet might be to grovel to them and let them make fun of you, take some of the embarrassment away from your partner.

OP I've done some stupid shit when I've been pissed and I think you're getting a hard time. However your gf has a right to be angry with you and it will take time and a lot of effort to put things right. I've embarrassed DH a few times and I don't drink anymore but he never made me stop I did that myself. You did wrong and you will have to seriously make it up to her with time and patience and a lot of love.

I would not forgive you for humiliating me in public like that but then I have good boundaries and high standards: You sound deeply unpleasant!

Hmm so @Swyna 1st you publicly verbally abuse your partner humiliating in front of her friends and then tried the old I "blacked out" card and when that didn't work you've tried love bombing her but now she's "annoyingly cold" instead of rolling over and accepting your abusive behaviour and you don't know how long you can keep the love bombing up after 5 days.
So now you expect women to help you keep abusing because she has finally seen what an abusive man you are and how little you think of her.
You do realise that we know the abusers handbook and your following it like a script.
Hth there is nothing you can do to fix this and really need to stop trying to kiss her if she wants affection she would be coming to you not you manipulating her into it when she clearly doesn't want it, your behaviour is entitled, coersive and honestly scary

You said
I’m doing everything to fix it, being sweet in every way, taking kids so she could do what she needs to.
Do you mean you don't normally look after your children when she needs to do other things? Do you think you are doing her a favour when you look after your children? Do you think that's a treat for her?

Being nice to someone, pulling your weight with parenting and housework etc should be the default position, the norm. It isn't something you do to say sorry or to win favour back.