How do you work on your self worth?

[MrsCoyote]

Work on your self worth first - this is often said here when OP has troubles with men, dating, boundaries in general.
But HOW exactly do you do that?

I started a list of things that made me think 'Wow, he/she's amazing!'

Then I chose some of the things and started to do them. Now I donate blood, run marathons, play the piano, choose dignity over being 'right', and a variety of other things. Essentially, turned myself into someone who impresses me.

Once that's done, if someone treats you badly, you think 'Hey! I've put a lot of effort into being who I am, I'm not going to put up with you putting me down!'... and that's the boundaries.

Good advice @Watchkeys watching with interest for tips myself

The nice thing about it is that it's ongoing, lifelong, and goes at whatever pace you like. Really turned my life around. Glad it's helpful, @April90

Yes really is thank you 🙂

Do good deeds, be kind and courteous to people (costs nothing), improve your mind with reading, courses etc, get better qualified so you know you're intelligent, go to the gym and get fit, eat better, so you look better, walk tall. Stand up for yourself without being aggressive, but be prepared to admit when you are wrong. Recognise you are a good person who people are privileged to know.

I think you need to have time where you put yourself first. Be it reading a book, taking an art class, going for a walk. Something you enjoy and look forward to.

I think women are programmed to be people pleasers and that often ends up with putting your own needs last all the time.

This is a really lovely post.

Excellent advise as always @Watchkeys

Advice even 😂

Try to view yourself as your friends view you and if you wouldn’t think badly of/notice something in your friend do not castigate yourself for the same thing!
Do things you enjoy, don’t waste your time on people that don’t see you as a priority, say yes to things you want to do and no to the things you don’t want to do. Don’t do things just to please others or out of guilt or obligation, you are not responsible for other adults.

You don’t have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Read breaking the chain of low self esteem by Sorensen

Invest in yourself - physically, mentally, financially.

Exercise and eat well to stay in shape and in good health.

Spend more time doing things you love, find some hobbies, anything to keep your mind active.

Work hard, find a job you enjoy, have a good handle on your finances.

The more you invest in yourself, the more empowered you feel and the less likely you are to put up with people who drain you and make you feel like you are not worthy. You also start to radiate confidence.

Thank you all. Some interesting ideas.

This is interesting as I do those things but still people please and have low esteem of myself.

I earn well and like my job enough.
Im financial stable.
I read a lot.
Im studying for a qualification while working full time.
I have a hobby, I'm not great at it but enjoy it.

I'm not sure it's a shopping list. But agree it's the knowing your worth... Bizarily as a single parnet I now know my worth a bit more than I have done before. As I can cope but it's not always been easy.

Meditate.

Yes, I feel that way too.
All my achievements are ok and so what?

You create a person who is happy and successful (both are relative to you) and then you take that fully formed person into the world and meet someone who is also fully formed and have a happy time together.

What most of us do is exist in a state of stress and inadequacy (often based on the expectations of others and pressures trying to meet them) and find a person who is also this way and form a dysfunctional relationship of co-dependence and misery.

It depends what kind of self-worth. I’ve been working on mine too and I think as a rule many issues in adulthood tend to stem back to childhood.

Highly recommend Alan Robage, he has a lot of videos on the YouTubes. There’s also books about attachment trauma and I’m currently reading into Erik Eriksons 8 stages of development xxx

Lots of good advice. I would add:
*working out what your values are (eg, honesty, fairness etc) and living by them,
*being true to yourself,
*living to your standards & ideals not what you feel is expected of you,
*aiming for kindness & compassion where possible,
*practicing gratitude,
*books by Ryan Holiday where he talks about stoic philosophy & it's us basically trying to be good human beings and as you aim for that, your self worth improves.

I think it's appreciating that you are a good person and that that is what is important. One of the things that gave me the highest self worth was being treated very badly because it made me realise that I wouldn't treat even someone I really disliked in that way.

I attended a webinar on dealing with your inner critic and it was amazing!

Real self worth doesn't come from your job, or achievements or possessions - because those things can be lost, and then what. It comes from knowing who you are and valuing that. The small still voice within, the one who watches, your essential being that is connected to everything. I think the things that help to connectwith this are mindfulness, gratitude and for some people meditation. And for me I also lose and find myself in doing tasks where I experience 'flow' (see Csíkszentmihályi).

@Watchkeys oh dear I am in my 60’s and I’m still struggling to chose dignity over being right. I was brought up to speak my mind and challenge. I like the way you put that and I’m going to use it in my regional meeting on Monday 😁

Self worth

It is OK to say NO if you don't want to do something

It is OK to do things just for yourself
Financially
Emotionally
Physically
Spirituality
Try new things

Invest & plan for your future

Sleep, eat, think, learn

Try to be happy

Love yourself

Yes, it's not always easy! It helped me to realise that being silent in the moment doesn't mean being silent forever, and if the thing is worth saying (and isn't just to save your ego), it'll still be worth saying tomorrow. A pause can be the most valuable thing, sometimes.