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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this controlling?

42 replies

Gem8701 · 30/06/2022 09:04

Bf drops you off for an eyebrow appointment - and you go in while he parks up thinking he will wait in the car. He follows you into the salon and wait in reception, is it just me that thinks this is weird?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 30/06/2022 09:05

Well on its own no, not controlling. Is this part of a bigger picture?

AngelfishDecay · 30/06/2022 09:06

Yes. Sounds perfectly normal - unless you're ashamed to be seen with him...

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 30/06/2022 09:06

BitOutOfPractice · 30/06/2022 09:05

Well on its own no, not controlling. Is this part of a bigger picture?

Yep agree with this. I’d personally rather sit in an reception than in a car…

LoudingVoice · 30/06/2022 09:09

Not controlling in itself no, sitting in reception to wait is nicer than being stuck in the car.

Watchkeys · 30/06/2022 09:11

It doesn't matter how you label it. You didn't like it. Did you respect your own feelings and tell him so?

Justcallmebebes · 30/06/2022 09:12

No, it's not

PurpleDaisies · 30/06/2022 09:12

Why did you think he’d sit in the car? That’s what’s weird.

PurpleDaisies · 30/06/2022 09:13

What exactly do you think is controlling about it?

MrsSkylerWhite · 30/06/2022 09:14

No, I’d rather sit in a reception than the car.

seaUrchinOne · 30/06/2022 09:20

It's not controlling if he planned to wait anyway, if he insists dropping you off everywhere and waiting each time wherever you go then that would be over bearing and controlling.
Could it be that you just aren't into him?

orbitalcrisis · 30/06/2022 09:20

If you told him to drive you there then wait in the car and then yes, you do sound very controlling. Especially if you are now angry that he didn't do as you demanded. Waiting in the reception sounds much more comfortable than the car.

Shoxfordian · 30/06/2022 09:20

Is he otherwise controlling?

SallyWD · 30/06/2022 09:40

It doesn't sound controlling on its own but do you have any other reasons to feel he's controlling? Any other examples?

MermaidEyes · 30/06/2022 09:41

Haven't you posted a lot recently about this guy? Is this your childs father or the other guy? If I'm remembering some of your previous posts correctly I think you need to stay away from relationships for a while.

Midlifemusings · 30/06/2022 09:42

Are you asking if you are controlling by expecting him to drive you around and wait in the car or are you asking if he is controlling for not wanting to wait in a (hot?) car and instead come inside the salon?

Yes to you sounding a bit controlling.
No to him being controlling.

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 30/06/2022 09:45

I’d rather sit in reception than a car, especially on a hot day if the salon had air con!

Misstes · 30/06/2022 10:16

It’s been a bit hot to just be stuck in car. Why didn’t you want him in the reception?

Cir · 30/06/2022 10:21

As a stand-alone act, no, it's not weird at all. Controlling would've been coming in to the actual appointment with you, him telling the eyebrow person what you wanted doing, answering any questions for you etc. Just sitting and waiting in reception is completely fine and normal.

My own DP probably wouldn't wait in reception because I think he'd feel a bit awkward and out-of-place. So he'd most likely wait in the car or have a wander around the shops. But it wouldn't be 'weird' if he did follow me into the reception.

Is there other stuff that he does which makes you think he's controlling?

mumto2teenagers · 30/06/2022 10:23

Agree with others, on it's own it isn't controlling.

Soapy · 30/06/2022 12:14

It's not controlling but a bit iffy unless it's a unisex place. I don't like men in women's spaces like I wouldn't take my son to the barbers unless I had no available male to take him.

AllNightDiner · 30/06/2022 13:10

Going against the grain here, but I would find this extremely strange tbh, and I would expect the salon staff to find it odd too. I think I'd need more information to say if it's controlling though; it might be insecurity or the slightly hopeless behaviour of someone who's besotted or just a bit boring.

PurpleDaisies · 30/06/2022 13:12

Surely the op would have mentioned if it was a women only salon? That would be a huge drip feed.

Gem8701 · 30/06/2022 13:16

I guess he was a bit controlling before and now everything he does I think I perceive it as controlling,

He did put tracking software on my phone last year. At the moment we are seeing how it goes but I feel like hes trying but I just have such bad connotations of the relationship from everything that has happened. We BOTH did stuff not just him.

I just thought it odd how when I came downstairs from my appointment he was there - I didn't know as I had gone upstairs to the brow part.

He did take me out for a nice meal after.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 30/06/2022 13:18

*He did put tracking software on my phone last year.

Well that’s a drip feed and a half.

Why on earth are you still together?

Temporaryname158 · 30/06/2022 13:19

It doesn’t matter about the nice meal afterwards he’s conditioning you to accept his controls.

you didn’t like it so it’s not ok and in light of your update yes he is controlling. He hasn’t stopped.

why couldn’t you go to the appointment by yourself in the first place. Why did you need dropping off and picking up?