Is this controlling?

[Gem8701]

Bf drops you off for an eyebrow appointment - and you go in while he parks up thinking he will wait in the car. He follows you into the salon and wait in reception, is it just me that thinks this is weird?

Did you both actually do stuff or did he make you believe he had no other choice to put a tracker on?

Yes I would say in a healthy relationship it is ok for a partner to wait in reception.
After your reply I would say he was probably making sure you were in the salon and not scooting off anywhere.

I can’t quite square “he was a bit controlling” with “he put tracking software on my phone”. What would more than “a bit controlling” look like?

I reverse what I said before in light of the MAHOOOOSIVE drip feed. If he’s got form for tracking you, get the hell out of dodge.

everything he does I think I perceive it as controlling

Your perception is the only thing that matters, to you, in your relationship. It doesn't even matter if you're right. You could never be happy with someone you perceive to be controlling, so it's over.

Start having a think about all the other times when you've felt he's a 'bit' controlling, and come back and tell us about those. You need to get it off your chest, and find out whether other people feel the same way you do about it. We'll tell you what we think.

@gingersplodgecat

So he put tracking software on my phone.

sometimes he will ask who I'm chatting too on whatsapp.

If i had plans with him and then changed them to do something with my friends he made me feel bad. When we split up i got my friend to come on holiday that he was meant to come on and he makes me feel bad for that.

Other than that not much.

Other than that not much.

well that’s ok then.

he put tracking software on your phone!!!! You don’t need anything else to see he’s a bad person to be with.

@PurpleDaisies I was at the time chatting to other people. I realised i had jumped in far to quick.

Anyway fast forward to now we want to work on things but it is hard with all thats gone on.

Deep down I know hes a good person as am i. We just have a lot of baggage.

I was at the time chatting to other people.

Nothing justifies putting tracking software on someone’s phone. No good person does that and you’re utterly deluded to think he’s changed.

Deep down I know hes a good person

A good person doesn’t insist on constantly monitoring their partner’s whereabouts.

Reading this reminded me of when an ex turned up at my hair appointment. I was annoyed at the time - why couldn’t I just be left to get on with things without his interference? He acted very hurt and said I was being ridiculous, that it was normal to do things like that. But I know he did it because he was controlling, and wanted to make sure I was where I said I was. He too always wanted to know what I was doing on WhatsApp, monitored my online status and constantly accused me of things. It ended up with him stalking me and an episode of violence. I also thought he was a good person, very charming and sensitive on the face of it, but then I realised he was actually just abusive, manipulative and very controlling.

Have a look at this:

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/docs/dominator-mr-right.pdf

Deep down I know hes a good person

People aren't divided into good or bad. There's no over arching authority that gets to assign labels like that, to people or to actions. Unless somebody breaks the law, everything is decided on how people feel. If someone does things that lots of people feel are unpleasant, then that person won't be popular. If someone does things that make their partner feel unpleasant, they get dumped.

Does he make you feel unpleasant, OP, on a regular basis?

Mate, he put tracking software on your phone.

Stop and thinking about how fucking bad that is!

Completely intrusive, creepy and controlling.

Your gut is screaming at you that things he does now are controlling because your gut knows he isn't someone healthy for you to be with.

This all sounds way too much like hard work and not very healthy. I would finish it and organise some counselling to try and understand why you find yourself wanting to "work on things" with someone who alternates between stalking you and "making it up to you" with dinner.

He put a tracking device on your phone. There's nothing left to discuss. Nothing will negate that, the brow appointment scenario is irrelevant.

He is fundamentally not a good person.

He put a tracking device on your phone - did he tell you why? The real reason I mean, no the hogwash he probably came out with. He doesn't like you talking to other people, or spending time with them. Again, has he told you why? I'm guessing not. Not the real reason, anyway.

The real reason is that he has a deep down innate mistrust of you (probably of all women) and assumes that you cannot be trusted to stay faithful to him. Nothing you ever say or do will change that jealous, controlling part of him. He will never trust you, no matter how many hoops you jump through in a vain attempt to get him to believe you.

You're wasting your time with him, sorry.

and now everything he does I think I perceive it as controlling

Your instincts are spot on. Don't ignore that feeling.

Good people can be fuck ups who need to work on themselves before entering into a relationship..

I couldn't be with someone who put a tracker onto my phone.

Run. Remember you was advised this.