She's checking out other women...

[newcooksintheden]

I have been with my girlfriend for 17 months,we live together and are engaged and getting married next month.
Before we got together i knew of him (lesbian pool is small ) and she used to sleep around every weekend and the stories I heard she loved to enjoy herself(mdma was her drug of choice )

We met when she was 39 and she was ready to settle down(she has 3 grown up children who have now flown the nest a month before we got together )
Now like I say are together and getting married next month.
When we go out together I notice her checking other women out (stating at bums etc )
She rarely goes out with her friends now
I think it's because she doesn't trust herself not to cheat (she had years of sleeping around)

How do I mention this to her?
When she's had a drink ...her eyes are all over.
Sometimes I get scared I was just for convenience of having someone.

We have had a year together since the lockdown ended
It was only the first 4-5 months when lockdown was on

if you are planning on carrying, just be aware how "easy" it is for her to feel very little connection to the baby and leave you when she realises she isn'tas keen as you to settle down again, especially if you are not an incredibly tight knit family set up already. I've seen 5 couples break up over the last few years when doing this.. Hopefully this will all be discussed with you by Fertility clinics as you will have to go through counselling.

@biggreenhouse that's always been a massive worry of mine for years (before we even met )
She has 3 kids and adores them but it's always in the back of my mind
Will she love ours the same if i carry the baby /my egg etc etc
I've had many friends have kids with partners and from both sides -friend who carried baby left partner and partner didn't want nothing to do with baby.
Then another friend carried baby and partner felt nothing.

I wouldn't marry someone who looks at other women all the time. No, it isn't normal. Everyone doesn't do it. We can all notice someone who is attractive, fleetingly, then we look away. That is very different to constantly appraising everyone, eyeing them up, doing it obviously (enough that you notice it). It's totally disrespectful to you and to the people she's staring at.

Because of her background (which is very recent times) there's an added risk that it shows she is still thinking along those lines.

I certainly wouldn't marry her any time soon, as she is clearly thinking about other women. Being engaged to be married is meant to be the most romantic time of a relationship - you're focussed on each other, and your wonderful future together. If she has a wandering eye now, what chance do you stand when things have become a bit more routine, day to day, if you get pregnant and your body changes, when you have a child and don't want sex as often? Even if she doesn't cheat, it will be in your mind that it's an option for her, and her looking at other women won't help that at all.

If you believe she truly loves you and is with you because she wants to be (and not because she thinks she should be married, or wants another child) then it may be worth a conversation where you tell her how disrespectful it is, and ask her why she is always looking out for other women.

If I had the concerns you do about my partner, then I wouldn't be entertaining the idea of a future, let alone a marriage!!

you might just resolve the whole thing by having a big open chat. You won’t have a really bonded relationship if you have secrets, even fairly small ones so you should tell her that you know her past. So long as you’re open about your feelings and are non judgemental in a way that gives her the opportunity to be completely honest you might well find there’s nothing to worry about. Hopefully that’s true and it’ll bring you closer. If not, you might need to postpone the wedding, but it so much better for your happiness to know where you stand, both of you.

If she still interested in the same sex would you consider the idea of an open marriage? Because if she is this might be suggested by her

Notwithstanding this poster misunderstood the OP's sex, can you imagine if, working under the same mistake re sex of the parties involved, this was a heterosexual woman posting about her male partner wanting to pursue same sexual encounters, the suggestion would be to consider an open marriage?!