Feel like I’m going crazy, am I really in the wrong here?

[Sbj10]

So, partner broke up with me last week, we have a 9 month old daughter, relationship was going bad for a while. Decided the break won’t be permanent, just until we figure things out.

i really feel like I’m going crazy! He’s always telling me I’m in the wrong, and that I cause all the problems. I’m not a very confident person so I’ll admit I usually believe him, but today feels different, I’m sure I didn’t do anything wrong, but I really need some outside opinions!

a few weeks back before the breakup, I asked my partner to go to a festival with me, his reason for not wanting to go was that it’s a rubbish place and full of drugs, and he doesn’t want to go. today he comes to the house and says he’ll be going with his mates instead, obviously hurtful! He explained that he didn’t want to go with me because he can’t leave me alone and do what he wants, which is different to what he said originally, and that it’d just be better with friends. Now here’s where I’m confused, my partner has always asked me to be more honest about my feelings, so I said that it was hurtful that he’s happy to go with them but not me, but as we are not currently in a relationship, what he does is none of my business. He said that it was manipulative and guilt tripping! I really don’t think I did anything wrong, but he’s so adamant that I’m being manipulative that I’m really not sure, this happens a lot🙁

I'd make the separation permanent.

He's messing with your head.

Sounds like you'll be better off without him.

Why would you even consider getting back together with this manipulative, gaslighting arsehole? He's shit and he will never change.

He doesn’t like that you didn’t get upset about it. Good for you.

You are making the mistake in thinking that he wants to be honest with you.

He is merely trying (and succeeding) in getting his own way. He will say whatever it suits him to say to “win”.

This is a lesson I learned very late. Even if they say they love you, it doesn’t always mean they think they need to treat you fairly. If they can get away with it, they will.

That is why there so many confused and unhappy women posting on Mumsnet.

I feel like he messes with my head a lot. Over the past few months he’s walked out several times, saying he doesn’t want to be with me because I’m this that and the other, and then comes back and tells me he wants it to work, then the cycle repeats. I’m not perfect by any means but it’s really confusing to be told that he loves me but then put me down almost every day 🙁

Unfortunately you need to co-parent with him, but other than that you need to make the split permanent. He sounds awful. And nobody in a good relationship has a temporary break.

Look up the freedom programme, especially the Headworker chapter

this is how I feel, I’ve never believed in breaks, it feels like he wants the freedom and lack of responsibility of being single, with the comfort of knowing there’s the security of a family at the end of it 🙁 he’s not very easy to coparent with, he’s seen her for maybe 2 hours in total over the last 2 weeks, he’ll usually leave after about half an hour, blame it on the relationship, then go out and drink/smoke with his mates, it might be awkward between us but I feel like he should put that aside to spend time with her 🙁

There isn't a chance in hell I would be making that split temporary.

Oh you'd be mad to get back with him.

He wants to hurt you and considers you having a reaction to that as "making trouble,".

People like this (him) aren't emotionally mature enough to have a relationship
You're pushing water uphill

Bin him op. I would bet my salary he's on a dating app.

You are being his safety net and not really knowing that.

I would suggest that if you find yourself in a place where you think you're the only one who is at fault for any problems in your relationship, then your partner is probably an abusive gaslighting nob.

Get rid I say.

So you being open & honest is you bring manipulative. I think he wants his cake & eT it & to know he can come back then he’ll be off again on a ‘break’.

I wouldn’t even contemplate going back to this situation.

Leave him for good. He is gaslighting you. And it will only get worse.

A lot of us have been there before. Your head gets messed with, you start doubting yourself, questioning things you've said, wondering if things are your fault, apologising for things that you haven't done. It's toxic.

You need to break the cycle and move on with your life. He will just keep repeating the same patterns otherwise. You don't need someone who messes with your head like that.

Stop letting him pop in for a visit. He should be taking the child regularly on a weekly basis.

are you sure he wasn’t cheating on you? Seems to have lost interest v sharply!

i don’t think I could ever imagine him doing that! When I was working, he would never let me take overtime, even when we desperately needed the money because he found it hard to cope with her for the 4 hours he’d have her after work. I ended up having to quit because I just couldn’t find childcare for her as he’d get pissy if I was working when he wanted to go out (I worked evenings). I couldn’t even go to the gym for an hour uninterrupted! He’s refused to see her on his own since we split, he’ll only see her if I take her to his moms or he sees her in the house while I’m there.

Definitely get rid.

He's neither use nor ornament.

You deserve much much better.

What a useless sack of shit this man is as a father. Revolting.

Split up properly, don't contact him about your child. If he wants contact he can arrange it properly.
I imagine you won't see him for dust as he will be too busy being a party boy.

Sounds immature and not ready to settle down/be a Father.

He changes what he says to you when it suits his needs. Don’t fall for it - he is the manipulative one.

I would remain separated- after all what joy does he bring and how is he being a good parent?

This ^^

Your daughter doesn't need to see this man who clearly doesn't really want to see her.

I think you should be prepared for him to be an arse over contact but remember that it's not because he is desperate to see his daughter, it will be to mess with your head.

He's gaslighting you. I'd not be getting back with him. It's not you, it's him.

This.