Do you believe in Law of Attraction/Manifesting?

[Livingwithobsession]

So, I am a woman with OCD, that relates to the above. I believe every bad thought or scenario I have will bypass logic and happen and manifest. I am in a loving relationship with my DP and I am constantly catastrophizing/worst case scenario thinking, which brings a strain on him, me and also us both together.

I love reading your threads and comments where you all basically talk sense into anyone posting - so I could really do with your thoughts on the subject above. Realism encouraged!

I read The Secret and I came to the conclusion that it's all about being proactive and being positive rather than manifesting things with thoughts.

For example if you want a new job you've got to look for one, do the application and attend the interview. If you don't do the interview in a positive frame of mind and come across as professional you probably wouldn't stand a chance.

@Livingwithobsession I'm currently in therapy for C-PTSD, childhood trauma can mean your brain hardwires differently, so even if you rationally know that certain facts are true (e.g. something bad happens and it's not your fault), your unconscious brain is programmed to believe the opposite, so your body will still respond as with feelings of guilt and shame. I highly recommend the book 'The Body Keeps the Score' - there's a lot of information about the mechanisms of trauma and practical therapies that help. There's no quick fix unfortunately, but you can heal.

@resuwen This is really interesting to know - thank you. I think this is exactly what I've been sucked into, how bad things or patterns are all my fault and it's guilt and shame I feel. I totally internalise everything. I will read this book! Thank you again - this makes complete sense and I'm surprised no one has ever told me this before (about the brain wiring and thinking everything is your fault).

IME law of attraction thinking plus OCD is a really dangerous/damaging combination.

Logically it could not possibly have any metaphysical effect. In fact the effects you see are likely a combination of placebo effect, confirmation bias, and the effect similar to steering when skiing/cycling - that if you look in a direction you'll be more likely to make small adjustments and travel in that direction.

For example, if you constantly worry that your husband might be falling out of love, you will look out for and therefore see/interpret things that might not even be there, that show you he is falling out of love. You'll then in turn feel resentful and upset towards him and your demeanour will reflect this and exacerbate any problems existing in the relationship.

OTOH if you constantly tell yourself that your husband is wonderful and you are lucky, you'll feel positive towards him and do nice things for him which will improve the relationship. Small effects. That won't compensate for big issues like incompatability, abuse etc but can have an effect on relationships that are more borderline.

Be careful in relationships in general because I find when you're open to things like Manifesting you can also come across theories like Twin Flame which is a really great way to minimise trauma bonding and abusive cycles. You might be vulnerable to controlling or unhealthy relationships. I'd recommend reading resources like Baggage Reclaim, Female Dating Strategy, the Freedom Project, to learn how to spot abuse red flags and maintain healthy relationships. (FDS can be a bit full on and offputting at first - stick to Baggage Reclaim/Freedom Project if not ready for that yet).

@BertieBotts this is what I try to tell myself too. When I'm catastophrising, if something bad happens - I instantaneously go "okay I created that/manifested it"

Your third paragraph makes complete sense - I've been worrying constantly, in exchange it means I've been super grumpy/defensive, not taking care of myself, and it's been causing bickering between us two which is basically emphasising any issue we have/the dynamic. So you're 100% spot on.

I (thankfully) know TF theory is nonsense - I cringe every time I come across it! I have been looking for new books too - so I'll add these to my list, so far I have Codependent No More (major people pleaser) and The Body Keeps The Score. Is the Freedom Project a book or a course? I see this mentioned on MN so much!

The freedom project is a course but it's based on a book by Pat something, I think The Verbally Abusive Relationship.

Don't worry, I'm 41 and only just figuring this out this year! Suddenly everything makes perfect sense!

@resuwen only now am I realising how harmful LOA is - it literally targets people like us. Wow.

This bunkum is why so many poor people vote for the Republican party in the US - it basically blames the victim for bad stuff that happens to him or her - for poverty, for going bankrupt due to medical bills - not all the factors that are deliberately put in place to stop them from getting ahead, like making labour unions illegal or not funding schools adequately, or institutional racism.

Absolutely not...We're just a bunch of cells that keep dividing and growing until we reach adulthood. There after we wilt and decline at an ever decreasing rate according to our dna profile and outward environmental factors. Self abuse and habitual vices play a large part in this as well. If you want something in life you have to go out and get it, you make your own destiny, fortune or misfortune.

Have you heard of the Reticular Activating System? Basically it’s a bit of our brain that helps us notice or focus on stuff - particularly what we happen to be thinking about. So, if you found out you were pregnant you might suddenly start seeing loads of other pregnant women in the streets or if you think about buying a new car you’ll notice the exact same make and model all around you. You haven’t manifested them, (there are exactly the same number of white range rovers in your area today as there were before) but your brain has now flagged them up for your attention. You can use this to help you spot opportunities (but you still have to take action, of course) but unfortunately it can also work with the negative stuff too. Worried about relationship breakdown? You’ll notice all the divorce stories in the newspapers. Etc.

TDLR: manifesting is a load of old cobblers but there is some science behind what we notice and therefore how we see and interpret the world.

This is magical thinking.

Things you think do not come true.

If they did it would apply to good thoughts too.

Do you think that if you think about winning the lottery it will happen? I guess not. If that won't come true why would your negative thoughts come true?

Every time you have a magical thought do two things:

1. Remind yourself it is magical thinking.

1. Don't try to neutralise the thought (eg by doing a compulsion such as seeking reassurance) , just be aware you are anxious, acknowledge the feeling, allow it to sit there, empathise with yourself as you would someone else (ie say things to yourself say as "poor you, feeling this anxious, that's really hard that you are having to experience this).

Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Get some proper CBT ASAP.

Good luck.

@ShoreTea I love this! I googled this a while back and it was really strange, an article said the same thing you did but a neuroscientist commented on it saying it wasn’t true - but it must be? Because that makes complete sense!

its 100% true - when I have issues (in my head), I always notice my friends venting to me more for example which makes me think we’re all bonkers mad and don’t have a clue! But when I’m happy, I don’t notice it at all, but it’s probably the same level!

Well I am definitely not a neuroscientist but the RAS makes a lot of sense to me. I have watched The Secret and tried manifesting things 🤔surprisingly enough it didn’t work 😂but I did keep noticing all the lovely things I was thinking about (it was just that I didn’t actually have any of them!).

So, my days aren’t really any less stressful and crappy now than they were before but I just notice more of the good stuff - a favourite song on the radio, a flash of vibrant colour, a picture of a beautiful beach. It all helps.

@ShoreTea - Maybe it's just me but I watched The Secret and the background music and everything made it seem a bit scary lol.

@ShoreTea I take back what I said. Been watching videos on it since my last comment. It is very real and very understandable where the whole LOA idea came from 🤣

^ I mean the RAS part of brain, btw! Looks like The Secret basically took this info and made it spiritual..

No I don't believe in it. I do think that perhaps focusing very clearly on a goal, for example, could encourage you to look for and grasp opportunities to reach it (and believe that the goal is achievable enough to actively pursue it.) But it's not manifesting, it's just a way of encouraging about positive actions that probably works for some people and not others.

I suppose maybe like PP's example of believing a partner had fallen out of love with you could cause you to behave in certain ways or interpret things in the most negative possible way. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that your thoughts can impact your own behaviour that could then influence certain outcomes, but I don't think they hold any power over anything external. Which makes their influence very, very limited.

I think I can empathise with how you feel because I had complex mental health problems after giving birth, and one of the issues was having intrusive thoughts about something awful happening to DS. I was really unwell and used to worry about all sorts of things, and also struggled with the idea that thinking these thoughts would cause them to 'manifest.' Therapy helped a lot.

One of the other things that helped was sitting down and spending a lot of time thinking about all the scary thoughts I had that had never come true, and things I thought were going to end in catastrophe because of my negative thoughts that actually ended up ok. I wrote them down and read them whenever the feeling that I might create something bad with my thoughts became too much. I'm much better now but still have this feeling from time to time, and the list still helps!

@shreddednips it’s really refreshing to hear someone experienced something similar to me - I hope that doesn’t sound insensitive, but I’ve not actually came across anyone who has the same thought process (when you were going through it)! I’m so glad you’re better now.

The list idea is actually amazing - I’m going to wake up tomorrow and type that up and keep referring back to it!

The thing about OCD is that it plays on your worst fears.

I had a similar experience where I was constantly worrying about something. I went over it so much in my mind that I had false memories. I ended up getting myself into a bad state. I realise now that the intrusive negative thoughts are part of OCD.

I can't advise on therapy but you can always ring the Samaritans if things get too much and you need to talk. Maybe talking things through will rationalism your fears.

Take it one day at a time OP It's easier said than done but perhaps if you can talk to someone and start concentrating on other things life will be easier for you.

@paydayatlast thank you for this - I have read before this, that it preys on whatever you care about most which is obviously my partner and my security in life.

You are absolutely right - whenever I don't have free time/am concentrating on other things or busy - I don't think about it at all!

Thank you

No it doesn't sound insensitive at all, I know exactly what you mean and happy to help! I just found that providing myself with a bit of 'evidence' that my thought process on this was incorrect was very helpful.

@heggertu it's so refreshing to hear this - I actually don't know anybody else who suffers with OCD (even knowing of or in passing), so sometimes it can feel very isolating.

Thank you so much x