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Would you give a second chance?
28

Friendorfoe00 · 28/06/2022 14:25

I bumped into an old 'friend' of mine from years ago this morning and during a brief chat she expressed wanting to meet up for coffee.
However here is my dilemma... whilst we were in contact she was an extremely hostile person and would go from liking you one moment to hating you the next. When she was being nice there was no better friend and she did help me through a tough time just as I helped her through a lot. She backstabbed me a lot and caused friendships to breakdown between me and others, even though I tried to explain that I had said/done nothing, she also did the reverse and slated others to me. She also said some rather horrid things about me to our boss (worked in same office) and our boss ended up slagging me off also. I challenged the boss for being unprofessional and although recieved an apology I decided to leave immediately.
It did hit me hard and ultimately made the decision to cut contact with her.
She stalked my house a while after and would sit outside in her car, she sent multiple messages, some apologising but then immediately after a nasty one. So I blocked her number.
We moved house shortly after so this all stopped and I never bumped into her until today.
I have asked my DH and mum and they have their reservations.
She seemed nice and chatty today but then she was when we first met all those years ago.

So I just wondered from an outside perspective what you would do? Do I go for a coffee or just leave it?

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Supersimkin2 · 28/06/2022 14:26

No.

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Bellyups · 28/06/2022 14:27

Nope

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frozendaisy · 28/06/2022 14:27

Not a chance

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forumdonkey · 28/06/2022 14:28

You really have to ask?! Hell NO

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Serenity45 · 28/06/2022 14:28

She sounds vile! I'd leave well alone tbh. And don't swap numbers / unblock her either

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Mammma91 · 28/06/2022 14:28

Hell no. Leave her in the past. Polity decline and move on. She sounds awful.

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winningate1758 · 28/06/2022 14:30

No, she sounds dangerous.

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Justcallmebebes · 28/06/2022 14:31

And it's a no from me too. Unless she brought up her past behaviour, owned it, apologised and said that she had worked on herself and didn't behave like that anymore.

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AttilaTheMeerkat · 28/06/2022 14:33

Its a no from me.

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StarDolphins · 28/06/2022 14:35

Nope I wouldn’t

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Hellhaven · 28/06/2022 14:40

Absolutely not

Leopards never change their spots

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Snoredoeurve · 28/06/2022 14:42

No!

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BreadInCaptivity · 28/06/2022 14:42

Why are you even bothering to ask the question?

The answer is obviously, hell no - unless you're addicted to drama....

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Annoyedwithmyself · 28/06/2022 14:45

No. Absolutely not.

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maddy68 · 28/06/2022 14:47

Absolutely no chance

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Friendorfoe00 · 28/06/2022 14:51

Thank you everyone for your replies 😀i know it sounds odd to ask and when I read it back it probably sounds ridiculous but my head is a little confused 😳it's hard to explain how she makes you feel. It's as though she's lovely and you blame yourself that it's something you've done. It don't know if that makes sense 😐
I will leave it, thank you for giving me your answers and taking time to respond, I appricate it.

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Friendorfoe00 · 28/06/2022 14:54

Hellhaven · 28/06/2022 14:40

Absolutely not

Leopards never change their spots

This is what was going through my head. But then I questioned whether I was being a bitch if she did want to talk and apologise. But she didn't seem to acknowledge she'd done anything wrong just kind of spoke as though nothing had ever happened.

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Snoredoeurve · 28/06/2022 14:59

Friendorfoe00 · 28/06/2022 14:51

Thank you everyone for your replies 😀i know it sounds odd to ask and when I read it back it probably sounds ridiculous but my head is a little confused 😳it's hard to explain how she makes you feel. It's as though she's lovely and you blame yourself that it's something you've done. It don't know if that makes sense 😐
I will leave it, thank you for giving me your answers and taking time to respond, I appricate it.

Hi Op
What you describe is called Trauma Bonding.
This happens in abusive relationships.
You get a rush of relief when they are nice and distress when they are abusive.
So hot/ cold/ hot/cold.
It hooks you in like a drug and you anticipate the rush and relief when they are bice.
Its horribly manipulative.
Its not normal in a healthy relationship.

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Snoredoeurve · 28/06/2022 14:59

Nice not bice

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HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 28/06/2022 15:06

Definitely nope. And I say this nicely, counselling can be helpful in exploring your boundaries and why you didn’t immediately think to stay the heck away from someone who has treated you appallingly but instead asked us.
I have similar experiences and not having a great deal of self esteem or a sense of self worth meant I spent far too long in different types of relationships that were just toxic and awful.
And I don’t mean this as flippantly as it sounds , Draw your boundaries and stick by them. You’ll be ok.

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Friendorfoe00 · 28/06/2022 15:14

@Snoredoeurve

That's exactly it, and trying to do everything to make her happy. Thank you, I will read up on that, will help me stick to my guns if I do bump into her again

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Friendorfoe00 · 28/06/2022 15:23

@HoofWankingSpangleCunt

Thank you for replying. I get completely what you mean, I'd probably think the same if someone else said it. Seeing her bought up old emotions I think and confused me quite a bit. Never really dealt with it and kind of just swept it under the rug. I strugged with whether it was just me being dramatic by cutting contact.
Thank you, for you honesty it has helped me see I need to work on not doubting and questioning myself.

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MsCactus · 28/06/2022 15:48

I had almost this EXACT same situation but with a man!!! Caused lots of friendship breakdowns between me and other people at work.

He fancied me though (we were both married) and after I told him I wasn't interested he said horrible things about me to my boss (who also bitched about me. He told her I wouldn't leave him alone and he'd turned me down instead, and my boss said I was awful).

The whole situation was mortifying ... then when I stopped speaking to him he cyberstalked/sent me tons of messages (so I blocked him).

All that is to say... NO! Don't get back in touch with her.

I still get "nice" messages from this man and it makes me feel guilty too that I just ignore them... but I'm telling you you really don't need frenemies like that in your life.

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MsCactus · 28/06/2022 15:56

All that is to say – I completely understand the guilty feeling that comes with cutting off a manipulative friendship like this, but it's 100% the right thing to do

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Itwasntmeright · 28/06/2022 16:02

Nope

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