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Original poster

In-laws and Birthday Cards

36 replies

InLawQuestion · 27/06/2022 22:05

Do your In-laws give/send you a birthday card? Or just their grandchildren and son/daughter?
I ask this because my in-laws don’t send me a card for my birthday, they send one to my DH and their grandchildren but not to me. They’ll also send them vouchers or money. My parents give my DH a card with money/vouchers every year.
I am not wanting gifts, money etc but is it unusual for in-laws not to send birthday cards to their daughter/son in-laws?

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 27/06/2022 22:11

Do they not like you very much? My in-laws send me a card and a present for my birthday

Inklingpot · 27/06/2022 22:15

I always get a card and money from Mil. I never used to get anything from the other ILs. We’re NC with them now anyway.

Original poster
InLawQuestion · 27/06/2022 23:27

Do they like me? I assume so, I’ve never done anything for them not to like me.
I wasn’t sure how unusual it was for In-laws to get cards for everyone except the son/daughter in-law, my DH has never said anything.

OP posts:
Foxgluv · 27/06/2022 23:43

It is unusual for them to only do this to you.

DramaAlpaca · 27/06/2022 23:46

My late in-laws really weren't into making a fuss about birthdays. Their own children were lucky to get a card. I never got one, apart from my 40th when I was very surprised to get not just a card but a nice gift. Other than that, nothing, not even at Christmas - and they definitely liked me! They did always give the GC cards and money, which was the main thing.

On the other hand, my parents always give DH a card and a generous amount of money for birthdays and Christmas. He's always a bit surprised and very grateful.

Just different family traditions, I guess.

Sarah13xx · 28/06/2022 00:33

They did earlier on in our relationship but completely forgot about my birthday last year. They returned a present I had got for them at Christmas a few years ago (asked for the receipt) when it was something for their house and everyone needs and isn’t to anyone’s taste or anything. I thought if you aren’t going to use it fine but just say nothing 🙄 After that I have taken nothing to do with their gifts and it’s obvious, DH buys and poorly wraps their gifts every year

easyday · 28/06/2022 01:06

Yes I do. I don't send her one as I have no idea when her birthday is (I should). My husband is deceased and she's not good with about half her grandkids but always remembers my kids (she didn't like my late husband's first wife and unfortunately this affected her relationship with my stepkids).

Colouringaddict · 28/06/2022 01:09

Yes I get a card and usually money for my birthday and Christmas. Now I am a MIL I send to both of them and they get the same value gift as my own DC too

yepmetooo · 28/06/2022 01:24

Yes my parents give each of us £50 at bdays and Xmas

Pil spend around £150 on me and dh jointly (if it's separate tends to be more on him.) And £30 for me £50 for dh At birthdays. dd gets around £70 at each dsd gets £30 at each.

caringcarer · 28/06/2022 01:24

I think my mil likes me more than DH. I get a card and money From her every year. DH and DC get them too but she always tells me DH did not keep in close touch with her before he married me, often going two months without a call. Even now I remind him to give his Mum a ring on Sundays. She appreciates it.

Enko · 28/06/2022 02:54

No mil never did send a card or give a gift. However she didn't with dh either. The kids she topped up their savings every year.

She always rang and wished me a happy birthday though.

I do miss her. She was a wonderful woman

StrangeCondition · 28/06/2022 06:43

How's your relationship with MIL otherwise?

crumble82 · 28/06/2022 07:00

I usually get a card on my birthday but I’m the only one in the family who is never given a gift. Even when they come to stay they’ll bring little thank you gifts for everyone apart from me. My DP always get DH a gift and make a fuss though and I’ve always promised myself when my DC have partners that I’ll get them something, even if it’s just a bottle of wine.

I don’t hate my IL’s but I don’t massively like them either and I think the feeling is mutual.

BackToTheTop · 28/06/2022 07:26

I don't have in-laws, but my dad sends my dh a card and a gift on his birthday and Christmas

mamatoTails · 28/06/2022 07:41

My parents always give my DH a card and money/gift/pay for golf etc on his birthday.

My MIL is no longer with us but was lovely, and always gave me a card and a nice gift or money for my birthday.
Also always exchanged Christmas cards with my parents too.

Hoolahulahoop · 28/06/2022 07:50

No I don't get anything from the in laws. I fact my own mother doesn't get me anything now. She once gave me a soap set laughing I would probably be allergic to it , in a ridiculous ceramic bright box. I brought it to a charity shop. She asked for months where it was. A bottle of wine would have been better.

So that was that. Never got anything again.

MontanaMountains · 28/06/2022 08:01

Yes I always get a card and a gift from my inlaws, and I always send my son in law a card and gift too. I think that's pretty normal.

CeliaCanth · 28/06/2022 08:07

I don’t get anything - maybe if I am “lucky” they will send an email after the event (prompted by my husband I suspect). They don’t like me, though. Other daughter in law gets cards and presents.

burnoutbabe · 28/06/2022 08:28

Yes from 9 months in my boyfriend (who had moved in with me) got cards for Xmas/birthday and presents from my parents and vice versa.

I think his sister doesn't bother sone years but to be fair boyfriend mostly just texts his brother in law to say happy birthday on the day.

Would find it very odd to be just ignored by his parents (and even more so if married with kids and everyone else is recognised)

Snoken · 28/06/2022 08:39

I sometimes get a card, sometimes not. I really don't care though, and I am not British so I don't understand the value of a card. In my country we don't really do cards, except maybe a christmas card or two. I buy one card a year, for my DH on fathers day from our kids. They write it and I buy it. Other than that, I text or call on birthdays.

LindaEllen · 28/06/2022 08:49

I get cards and gifts from my in-laws.

Ourlady · 28/06/2022 08:52

I find that totally weird and I would have to ask my husband what he thinks of it. Why leave just one person out of a whole family out. Not nice.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 28/06/2022 09:02

My PIL got me a card this year only after a few years of presents. It was straight after they stayed with us for the first time. The stay was a bit strained as they expected a lot of us, lifts everywhere, pick ups from the airport, it was a 4 hr round trip, shopping lists issued to me without a word of thanks

I won't be going to that much trouble again.

Original poster
InLawQuestion · 28/06/2022 09:09

I don’t see them often due to the distance, so maybe that’s why. I’m not going to over-think things though because maybe that’s just the way they are, I haven’t ever done anything to upset them, so I don’t think it’s a case of them not liking me. They’re always kind towards me on the occasions I do see them but personally it’s not something I would do myself, when my children grow up, their partners will be treated the same.

OP posts:
Lorrymum · 28/06/2022 09:14

I spent years not getting a card for my birthday from parents in law. I suddenly started getting one 3 years ago, no idea why. To be honest after 30 odd years I wish they hadn't bothered.