Cheating boyfriend

[HippyM]

Hi all, I'm new here and signed up just so I could get some advice.
So just a little background first (sorry it's going to be a long post)

I've been with my current boyfriend for almost a year.

Things have been amazing although we've had a few bumps in the road. He has a heart of gold and him and my daughter absolutely adore each other, they have such a special bond already. He cooks for us, helps around the house, runs me baths and looks after us when we need it.
But he is very insecure. He has had a very awful upbringing and he has had a traumatic past with his ex. It has left him very closed off and with trust issues. This means he never talks about issues that we have together at all.

He went out on Saturday night to a work thing and he ended up meeting a woman. They had been flirting and talking and he had told her that we were having some issues. She messaged him when she left and she invited him back to hers and he had full intentions of going but he didn't have the money to get there then back home (I'd seen the messages and the intentions were clear). I was completely shocked and heartbroken that he even contemplated it.
I broke up with him and packed all of his stuff up. He begged me not to leave him, gave me a sincere apology and broke down. He told me he would do absolutely anything if it meant not losing me. He recognises that he hurt me, he knows he is an idiot for throwing away something so special for one night of (almost) fun.
I told him that I needed a few days to make sense of everything and to clear my head. I said that when I have had a few days then maybe we can talk but it has to be a completely open and honest conversation and we need to get to the bottom of why he felt the need to cheat and we need to figure out any issues and if we're going to get back together we need to be as honest and open in our communication as we can be, and that he can't bottle things up. I said we need to establish some clear healthy boundaries to make us both feel secure and help build the trust back up if we do get back together.
My mam has called me an idiot for wanting to talk to him in a few days and see if we can figure it out. My best friend said she supports me in anything I do but she hates him now.
Am I wrong for wanting to try and patch things up and give him a second chance? I know it is entirely my choice and I believe that me throwing him and his things out may have shocked him into realising that I am serious about leaving. So if he really wants to be with me he will end up working hard and putting in the effort to try and fix it (I'm hoping) because he realises what he has lost.
I just wanted to know what peoples opinions/own experiences were and if it ended up working out? I know that 9 times out of 10 cheating doesn't just happen, it is because something in the relationship is lacking and needs to be addressed, it's no excuse no but it is the reason in most cases.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and TIA for any advice!

Was this a woman from work? He had been flirting and talking? Was this before the night out, or did he meet her there?
So, either there was someone from work who he had his eye on OR he was out for work and went on the pull. Either way involved action from him.

Men like him, who overcompensate will drive you nuts.
Him helping you out with chores and DIY does not buy him the right to cheat.

A year in and you are already making excuses for him that allow you to lower your boundaries. Why?

What work is he doing to heal from his childhood? I assume he’s in therapy? If not, why not?

He is only sorry you caught him. I wasted years on a man like this, even down to the awful childhood. He never changed, he controlled me and was insanely insecure…guess how many women he fucked behind my back? I got the tears and the apologies and the “i can’t live without you, you’re too good for me” every time too.

This is not what your daughter needs to see growing up.

Leaving him will hurt once, staying with him will hurt you over and over again.

He will cheat on you eventually and, deep down, you surely know that.

If you are having issues already (which is a bad sign so early in the relationship), he isn't the one for you.

Leave him or you will be facing a lot more heartache than you feel right now.

A cheater who's too broke to follow through on cheating plans.

What a catch.

Oh and his past is probably just a bullshit sob story, wonder what really happened (you know know cheats so ..).

OP, what do you believe was missing from the relationship that inspired this cheating? Has he tried to work on this issue with you, or was his first reaction to try and cheat? How does this stuff in his past manifest itself in your relationship? Does he expect you to appease his issues? ie, is he jealous so you’re not allowed guy friends?

These are wise words:

He pre-meditated being unfaithful to you, and didn't do it because he didn't have the bus fare. Is this really the definition of the man you want to spend your future with?

You have been together less than a year - and already he has let you down and proved he can't be trusted. Why on earth would you want to be with someone like that? You are still in the early days of the relationship and you've had 'bumps in the road' and he's trying to cheat. You would expect at this stage it would still be hearts and flowers and romantic dates. He's already showed you he isn't good partner material.

And if you stay with him he will do it again. He'll see it as acceptanace from you, he'll think he can do anything and get away with it because you've shown him that you'll accept his poor behaviour. He will de-value you ('I must be a great catch and she must know it, because she's willing to be treated like rubbish. She's lucky to have me....)

He just isn't worth it.

By the way, cooking, helping around the house, running baths - those are not the signs of the perfect bf. They are the signs of a normal, functioning adult. The very basic requirement of a bf is not to lie and cheat. He's failed that test.