Is this an innocent message?

[Maryland0]

Hi,

I read my partner's phone. I know I shouldn't have and it was a while ago but I did and I read something that has been on my mind ever since. I have convinced myself it is innocent because I don't want to think otherwise but actually I just don't know if it is.

So the message was to a colleague. My partner is working in another department now. The message from my partner to a colleague says "I miss you. I log into the radio sometimes just to hear you voice."

Then the colleague messages back- "I hope you miss more than just my voice..."

Partner doesnt really say much to that and the conversation moves on.

I just don't know how this sounds.

We have been having a lot of problems in our relationship and not been having sex. My partner joined a job- police that is very full on and they are obsessed with it and it is everything. My partner pretty much only cares about this job now and their work colleagues which is another problem in itself.

I wouldn’t see that as innocent at all

that is no way innocent

No, not innocent.

No way that is innocent.

My partner is very sanctimonious about cheating and will constantly talk about how they would never cheat.
I was cheated on so many times in my past relationship and I just don't want to go through that again.
I really have convinced myself somehow that this could be innocent.
I read so much about police cheating but my partner is so insistent they are not like that.

Wake up!

That’s no innocent communication.

I would end this relationship now before he does. It seems pretty much over anyway given the problems already.

It could mean something like ‘I hope you miss more than just my voice’ eg her pretty face, maybe her figure etc. Either way that’s still not innocent enough to me and it’s still massively inappropriate.

It seems that something has gone on with the two of them. Whether your DP claims he’s so against cheating or not

There is no way it's platonic only and the little ellipsis (...) as well... She's flirting with him and he isn't stopping it. He misses her voice. Men don't say this stuff to their mates.

My friend's DP was always going off, unprompted, on how he hates cheaters, would never cheat, could not understand how anyone could betray like this... and guess what? He went off and cheated on her multiple times.

At the very least it’s emotional cheating. Being that hung up on someone’s voice is pretty infatuated. I would advise to be careful about telling them that you know about this text conversation. Your partner will be on the defence anyway and they will turn things around on you and say you’re untrustworthy for reading their texts. They’ll be glad to have something to say to make you the bad guy.

Something has happened between them more than just friends.

There's friends I think of now and again and there is a feeling of missing them but no way do I feel any need to check in to a radio to hear their voice.

If you trusted him, you wouldn't have read his phone. The problem started before you even read those messages, and possibly before they were even sent.

No trust, no love, no relationship.

It doesn't matter what he has or hasn't done; it's already over for you anyway.

I agree with this 100%. A few weeks back I found my stbxh on a dating website as I had a gut feeling and snooped. He didnt message anyone, never had any intention of meeting up with anyone blah blah blah. It is over, I will not tie myself up in knots over what he is or isnt up to ever again.

Definitely not innocent. And very unprofessional to be using work resources like that, ffs.

Not innocent, my ex husband was police and affairs are rife between them all. He left for a colleague, then left her for another colleague.

Ok @Maryland0 im betting your head is wheeling

breathe.

talk to us about your circumstances, live together? Kids? Rent/bought house together

this is the time to process a bit, but to be smart and take advantage of the fact that you know something he doesn’t know you know.

get yourself calm and we can help you through the days/weeks ahead

you’re not alone, you will survive this. Everything WILL be ok.

what’s that saying? “It’ll be alright in the end. If it’s not alright, it’s not the end.”

again. Breathe. We got you. (((Hug)))

There are only two people that I say "I miss you" to. My mother and my wife.

It’s the sanctimoniousness that’s get me the most.

to go on and on and on… and all the while, cheating.

the “is that all you miss…” comment makes it crystal clear that it’s more than mates, more than just emotional infidelity.

he WILL cheat again because he lies to himself. Lying to you is a walk in the park compared to that.

and only one of them would say “I hope you miss more than just my voice”

Absolutely! Mind you that person is probably grateful for some peace and quiet!

"I just don't know how this sounds."

You know exactly how this sounds. Also, hate to stereotype but affairs are rife within the police. It is not a good culture.

Thank you for all the replies. You are right that I shouldn't have read the messages. I guess I worried, is it in my head?

The signs are all there-
Working late which I know is also part of the job,
Working out all the time,
Turning off notifications on their phone and only using their phone when I am not in the room,
Not wanting to have sex or really plan anything. Falling asleep as soon as he gets in from work instead of spending time together.

We don't have kids together and there is no doubt I would keep the house as I earn much more than he does and he couldn't afford the mortgage. This makes me feel a little better but the thought of starting over for the third time just really fills me with dread.

This is why I have just blocked this all out for so long and convinced myself it is just their job.

If you were planning n having a family this is why you should not.

He's a liar and has no respect

I guess I worried, is it in my head

Yes, it's in your head. Do you think that things in your head aren't worth taking notice of?

The situation is that your partner might be completely innocent, but if you suspect him of an affair, you're not going to be happy anyway. Given that you already think he's quite possibly lying, you don't trust him, so any reassurance he offers will be empty to you. How do you expect to feel better, within the relationship? Are you going to just not believe the things you believe, and not feel the things you feel? How will you go about that? How do you make yourself feel something you don't feel?