Tell me about your FWB success stories

[thelastshadowpuppet]

Just that really.

14 years together, 9 married now, 1 toddler! Very happy! We still laugh about how insistent we were at the beginning it was just a FWB situation. I was off to uni. He wasn’t long out of a relationship of a couple of years. Wouldn’t have it any other way!

14 years, that's great!
I love a little love story :)

FWB is a made up term (by men), to make women think that they are "cool", because they are having sex that is empowering and "for feminists" etc, whereas in reality, it's men getting sex for free, without ever having to as much as take you on a date, buy you dinner, or do anything that a boyfriend would reasonable be expected to do for a girlfriend. Oh, and they can cheat on you as well, because, you know,.......it's just FWB, and they told you from the outset that it was only ever just a shag.

Who benefits? It's certainly not the women. Women are biologically programmed to fall in love with men that they are regularly having sex with. It is literally hard wired.

Your post proves my point really, because it's obvious from what you write, that a FWB success story for you, would be where the man suddenly has a lightening bolt moment and realises, that actually, he doesn't just want to shag you and several random other women, he actually loves you, and wants to marry you and make babies with you.

Any guy who tells you that you're just a FWB from the outset, is an opportunistic fuck boy, who doesn't want marriage and babies (yet), and he is literally spelling this out to you in neon 6 foot letters (at least he's honest), so my advice would be to walk away and start dating men who at least start out on the premise that you could be a girlfriend or wife in the future.

Your post proves my point really, because it's obvious from what you write, that a FWB success story for you, would be where the man suddenly has a lightening bolt moment and realises, that actually, he doesn't just want to shag you and several random other women, he actually loves you, and wants to marry you and make babies with you.

Erm, nope.

Technically that would be a fwb fail lol. The whole point of fwb is that it's fun and light and casual and feelings aren't involved.

But still, congrats.

FWB success, as in being able to maintain that status without anyone developing feelings?

I've had a FWB fail in that I felt feelings for him, even though he definitely wasn't right for me.
We enjoyed the sex for about a year, but actually he was preventing me going out and finding a more fulfilling permanent relationship.

Most people I know wouldn't want a FWB, they want the real thing.

A FWB success is keeping it no strings without anyone getting hurt.

I managed it for a year or so. Had a great time, saw each other quite regularly. Could have allowed myself to feel more but was very strict with myself not to invest too much energy. It was fine, ended amicably when he moved away and we’re still friends.

Well this is turning into a kill joy!

I wanted happy stories too OP....

Well I must of misunderstood I didn't know FWB meant you must not get emotionally attached I just thought it was meant to be a casual thing without all the pressure.... I don't so it as a fail if you end up dating that person!

@IfIhearmumagaintoday there's always one eh ☺️

Yes and yes!

Oh wow maybe I misunderstood the thread haha! I thought @thelastshadowpuppet wanted some cute stories about falling in love or FWB where they carried on being FWB and very happy with that living their best lives! I did not think so deeply about it!

@Noimaginationforaun yep, that's what I was hoping for ☺️

In my early 30's for around a year I had FWB. I started to fall for him and he just wanted to carry on as it was. He then met someone, I was gutted.

Roll on 10 years, we bump into each other, both single. He wanted to rekindle. One, I no longer fancied him and two, it is something after the first experience, I know doesn't work for me. That said, each to their own and I have a friend who is very happy with her FWB situation.

I currently have 5 FWBs on the go- have been meeting one of them for 4 years, one for 3 years and the others are more recent. No drama, no emotions, no expectations, no commitment, just good fun and good sex. I wouldn’t have it any other way. But apparently I’ve been hoodwinked by the patriarchy 🙄

Ah I'm happy with my FWB. I really can't be in a relationship right now and if I could be, it wouldn't be with him. I think it helps to keep your options open (other fwbs or some fun 'penpals'). I disagree that it can't work for women too, and we can be just as matter of fact about it. I usually choose someone who's not for me for this reason (not for me: not my type, someone looking for a different relationship etc) it helps keep the distance.

I do agree though that it's used a lot now, and by fuckboys. I'd think long and hard about it, it's made to sound easy and casual but it can time to find the right one and maintain it at the right level for you.

And it's not for everyone. It can sound good on the tin but you may find you can't separate out the feelings. That's not a failure on your part and don't force yourself to be something you're not.

(Sidenote: I'm having the best sex of my life)

I've had lots of FWBs in the past, when I split from my husband I never wanted a relationship again but wanted sex.

One of the first guys I met became a long term FWB, we lasted 14 months and saw each other twice a week, sometimes we went out for meals, sometimes we didn't.
It was all about the sex. We'd message daily but I got no feelings at all.
It ended because he disagreed with me going to a sex club and didn't like that I'd joined a swingers site (which he was also on but I didn't know that until his profile appeared) and didn't tell him.

I had other FWBs who I saw weekly or 2 weekly and it worked well.
One guy I saw developed feelings for me so I got rid of him because it was supposed to be fun with no feelings.

I'm currently in a relationship with someone which started as FWB and we were both adamant relationships weren't for us but here we are,over 2 years in.
We have a relationship lite with no plans to live together, get married, merge finances or family. Its perfect for us.

I think @Pinkbonbon has it right. My FWB is currently taking our eldest to nursery while I feed our youngest. We've been living together for 5 years so definitely a FWB fail although we are happy.

You've got to be realistic about yourself and any potential parties involved.

If you're looking for a relationship then don't do fwb. Because all you're doing there is selling yourself short.

Of course sometimes things happen where two ppl who were not looking for love, find it together.

But if you're doing fwb with the expectation that it becomes something more (let alone already in one with that expectation) then 1. You are not emotionally healthy. And 2. You are the last person who should look to be in a fwb relationship.

Also you have to be aware that it's more common for women to prioritise the friendship part. Where as its more common for men to prioritise the sex part. So mismatches can be common for that reason, amongst others.

My experiences with fwb is that men are actually the ones that struggle with it more. Because they don't intend to fall for you, but their egos can't take it if you don't fall for them. I think it's difficult to find a respectful, non narcissistic man to enter into a fwb with. You've really gotta be on the ball and be ruthless with getting shot of them at the first sign of any kind of bs.

Well he's told me he loves me and I'm crazy about him.

In that case why not date properly and see where it goes? You both appear to be wanting more than FWB and as others have posted, this can start as one thing and lead to another.

That's great. As long as he has also said 'I want this to be a proper relationship. How's do you feel about that moving forwards?'

Because otherwise, its pie in the sky.
Actually, its worse than that, it's playing with your feelings.

And could even be an example of the very thing I mentioned about them above. Wanting you to fall for them but having no intention of commiting to you. They will often act really into you or say they have feelings for you or whatever to get you to lower your guard and think 'oh, well maybe I can feel that way about them'. But then you make it clear you do or you bring up a relationship - and they'll look at you like you've just shat in their hat. And if you confront them about what they said before it'll be 'oh I didn't mean it like that'.

Sorry to sound so pessimistic. But it's common. So please be clear with him about what he wants moving forwards before assuming the fairytale. Ask him straight if he wants a relationship with you. If he backtracks or umms and awws then he is a massive bullshitter and it's time to run. Because you'll know he doesn't love you. He just wants you to love him.

Hopefully though that's not the case and he seriously does care about you. But be clear about your needs moving forwards. Amd about what he really means. Don't be afraid to ask him.

OP I am happy for you, but confused by your posts.

FWB= friendship+sex

Your relationship right now might have started as a FWB situation, but isn't anymore. So, the FWB situation broke down. It's not a FWB success. Can you explain why you think it is? Do you see FWB as a prelude to a romantic relationship? I don't think that's the usual definition of it.

Your posts seem to suggest that you both got more serious. That's basically what happens in most FWB situations. One or other of the people involved start having feelings and the situation has to change, or stop. That's why very few FWB situations are successful for very long.

I had one for 5 years on and off as we got into dating/relationships and only ended when I met the man I ended up marrying. But it was great as we could have a laugh, shared a hobby, chat shit and have great sex. We met on an app and both initially were looking for relationships but realised we weren't well suited for that. I felt he'd be better suited with someone who was as ridiculously sporty as he was, I was active but not the extent I fancied 6am wake up calls to go cycling every weekend... And he thought i needed someone who was more laid back. But the sex was the best I'd had outside a LT relationship and neither developed any feelings as we tried dating and it didn't work. And anytime either of us met someone more serious we'd just call it off with no drama. And if we were both then single again, we'd pick it up like no time had passed.

It's been 7 years since we last hooked up and now it's just a vague friendship. My marriage ended, his has lasted and sure enough he's with the sort of girl I felt he needed. And my partners since have been what he thought I needed. We are only in touch via likes and comments on social media now. And I have fond memories of him and our time together.

I've had 2 other fwb arrangements that were much shorter - one ended because he developed feelings for me, the other because he met someone. But they were fun while they lasted. They're great arrangements when you're single but want sex/intimacy still and as long as both are clear on the rules (no dating or super coupley things) it has its place in life. I'd never ever do it with a guy I actually really liked though!