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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I need an unbiased opinion of this - would you think anything of it?

47 replies

namechange838292 · 25/06/2022 20:07

In February, I finally met DP’s friends on a night out. I met DP’s friend (let’s call him Ryan’s) girlfriend, who was lovely but very much a handful. She’s made Ryan fall out with a few of his own friends as his ex girlfriend from a few months previously is in the same circle (if that makes sense), caused a ton of drama to the point Ryan threw a drink in his ex girlfriends face on this particular night due to the new gf..

I told DP she is lovely but would be staying away as she is clearly trouble. She added me on Instagram and I thought maybe I should make the effort as she’s the only one of DP’s friends I have on social media (he doesn’t have it). She messaged me non stop for weeks; then asked for a double date where we get dinner. I said sure, she said Tuesday and I asked where and when. No reply. Tuesday comes and DP asks if I can message her to say about rescheduling as he starts his new job and doesn’t have much time, now I didn’t even think she had booked it due to silence!. I assumed it wasn’t booked, to which she replied she booked somewhere and paid a deposit but wasn’t feeling well so would try and call. I sent her two messages asking for an update. Read and seen, no response. I get DP to text Ryan who says it’s all good and not to worry - being super friendly and not bothered.

Since then, she pops in and out. You’ll send her a message and she’ll reply weeks later. She leaves me on seen constantly. I’m starting to feel.. inferior? I know she’s drama so I keep asking myself is there something I’ve done wrong that she knows about? I’m constantly liking her photos and updates being supportive, no response or reciprocation. I keep worrying she’ll try and turn Ryan and DP against me as she is so unpredictable. I also think she is a bit of a cokehead, as she’s out every single night despite having two jobs and has such irregular responses and timing etc.

DP thinks I’m being silly but I know I’m a people pleaser. Am I being silly?

OP posts:
namechange838292 · 25/06/2022 20:08

Ps - DP & I offered to pay the deposit because we had no clue she was booking anywhere, we would never leave anyone short.

OP posts:
Icansleep · 25/06/2022 20:10

I would just stop interacting with her altogether

5128gap · 25/06/2022 20:12

Your DPs friends sound like chaotic, dramatic kids. I wouldn't go near any of them. You got on fine without them until 5 months ago, go back to that. If they succeed in turning him against you then he's not a good choice of partner.

BornIn78 · 25/06/2022 20:15

Nice friend your DP has there - a man who throws a drink in a woman’s face. Ryan sounds like an absolute prick.

They say you can tell a lot about someone by the company they choose to keep. Wonder what that says about you and your DP?

Wolfiefan · 25/06/2022 20:16

I would steer clear of her. And Ryan too. No one MADE him throw a drink in someone’s face. He sounds horrid. Hope your DP has higher standards.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/06/2022 20:20

It's ridiculous how you are pandering to this weirdo, liking her photos, etc. Just stop already. She has no bearing on your life and she is definitely not a friend.

Discovereads · 25/06/2022 20:20

I don’t understand why you are pursuing a friendship with a woman you don’t like and think is trouble as she causes drama and might be a Coke head? I mean why are you not following your own advice and staying away?

AhNowTed · 25/06/2022 20:40

She may be keeping you hanging to play games and you're falling for it.

Stop with the likes and move on OP.

IncompleteSenten · 25/06/2022 20:46

Yes you are.

You're doing an awful lot of things that surely come across as desperate for her friendship for someone who wants to stay away.

ShellySG · 25/06/2022 20:52

I've got a friend like this who constantly leaves me on read so I've just stopped bothering. She only wanted to catch up/speak if she was after something or if it suited her. And I understand about feeling a bit inferior. I wouldn't bother of I was you and if she messages again ignore her and see how she likes it.

Didimum · 25/06/2022 21:00

You’re giving this way too much headspace. And ‘Ryan’ sounds like an idiot. Too much exhausting drama - are you all 17?

SunnyShiner · 25/06/2022 22:22

Stop messaging her? She's being clear she doesn't want you to be leaving you on read.

I feel a bit cringy for you, just stop.

Catlover1970 · 25/06/2022 22:54

CAnt understand why you are trying to do lease this non entity?

Catlover1970 · 25/06/2022 22:54

Please

HollowTalk · 25/06/2022 23:00

So your partner's friend throws drinks over his ex girlfriend and you want to be friends with his new girlfriend who sounds absolutely batshit. WHY????

Bunty55 · 25/06/2022 23:06

It's a sitcom script isn't it ? I'm right aren't I ?

namechange838292 · 26/06/2022 10:18

None of this was a joke or a “sitcom”, but thanks for your replies.

OP posts:
Dirtylittleroses · 26/06/2022 10:20

I can’t begin to understand what you’re doing.

firstly how Ryan behaves is on Ryan not her and how abusive is he throwing a drink at his ex. And secondly stop hassling her and texting her. You sound obsessed.

namechange838292 · 26/06/2022 10:37

I know it’s on Ryan, my wording might have been off but I never once said I agreed with it or found it acceptable. The whole thing was bizarre, especially for a first meeting and we only found out it happened the next day.

My point was that I would make an effort and it was reciprocated until that random Tuesday and now it’s not. I am not messaging this girl on the daily and for some reason PP’s seem to be responding as if I am? Very strange.

OP posts:
dudsville · 26/06/2022 10:40

You knew she was toxic but had your reasons for trying to befriend her. If you back away now it will be easier then further down the line.

HundredMilesAnHour · 26/06/2022 10:46

namechange838292 · 26/06/2022 10:37

I know it’s on Ryan, my wording might have been off but I never once said I agreed with it or found it acceptable. The whole thing was bizarre, especially for a first meeting and we only found out it happened the next day.

My point was that I would make an effort and it was reciprocated until that random Tuesday and now it’s not. I am not messaging this girl on the daily and for some reason PP’s seem to be responding as if I am? Very strange.

You also wrote "I’m constantly liking her photos and updates being supportive, no response or reciprocation." which is why posters are telling you to stop engaging with her. Distance yourself. Even better, cut off social media contact.

Dirtylittleroses · 26/06/2022 10:52

Well becayse you wrote that you were constantly at her. And you also said you’d stay away from her, she’s trying to give you the hint. Leave her alone.

Coffeetree · 26/06/2022 11:21

So "Ryan" assaults his ex (throwing drunk on some=assault) and everyone agrees it's his girlfriend's fault?

Your DP needs better friends.

Watchkeys · 26/06/2022 16:14

Just back away from this, and any other drama. None of it is really your problem unless your boyfriend chooses it to be, and if he does, you can stop him being your problem pretty swiftly.

willithappen · 26/06/2022 16:24

Why are you bothered? You said she was trouble and you were staying away so this is a perfect situation for that