Explaining to people why i'm still single

[kingkingmayo]

I've been divorced for over 20 years with two kids. I have been on dates but its I'm just not interested anymore. I have had to fill in both parenting roles i.e. changing the car tire to lighting a barbecue.

But often at events like going out with family and meeting people I still get to the topic as to why I'm still single and why I left my husband. Its 2022 and people would be more accepting now of the reason why he left me (you can work this one out) but I still don't feel having to divulge it to them. Neither do I wish to lie as I'd hate it.

any tips on how to respond. Hope you're having a fine evening!

Family: “Christ Sandra change the bloody record it’s been 20 years”

Randoms you meet: “we just weren’t right for each other, so what are your thoughts on Boris Johnson?”

"Oh it's a long story, I won't bore you" and switch to a different topic.

I'd say that it wasn't working out. That's a perfectly good answer and gives them no information at all.

Why do you have to give them a reason?
Ive spent most of my adult life single and I wish Id worked out earlier that I could just smile in a slightly puzzled way, tilt my head and say 'what a curious question!' and then change the subject.

I Can't believe people are so ill mannered as to ask.

My dm kept asking me and I always gave her the same answer 'I'm having far too good a time to change anything'

It used to irritate the hell out of her 😁

Alternatively use the line from Sharon in Bridget Jones 'because underneath my clothes my entire body is covered in scales'

Just be like ‘why is it a problem?’

How does my being single affect you? It's always my standard answer to nosey ppl.

Tell them to mind their own fucking business! I actually would say that as couldn't give a flying fuck what people think lol

surely not on a cruise ship sipping wine with friends and everyone else around you?

At the moment- why are you still married??!!'

I feel your pain, I get hassled constantly about it by people who seem to think it’s light hearted conversation and I still dread seeing certain friends and family, one friend in particular who will just not let the subject drop. At the moment I feel that I just can’t be bothered to date and finding someone is just really not my top priority but some people really seem to think it should be. One particular friend I am really trying to fizzle out of my life for several reasons, one being she will not stop pressuring me, going on at me and generally giving me a hard time just because I don’t happen to have a man on my arm, she really thinks she is such a good friend for doing it but it’s practically bullying!!!! Being single wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if it wasn’t for people like this. I never know what to say to people either so will follow this with interest. One response I have started to say lately to questions like “found yourself a bloke yet?” is to just smile and say “now what on earth would I want one of those for? Wouldn’t know what to do with one!” and then change the subject! I can do that with men who ask, but find it much harder with women who think having a man is the be all and end all of life and think they have the right to grill me, and lecture me on being “too fussy, you just want someone with no flaws!” when I’m not even looking for a relationship right now, don’t even know any potential boyfriends and am dealing with much much bigger problems at the moment that actually get in the way of me going the hunt for a partner.

Reading mumsnet is enough to make me want to stay single forever. I've been single a very long time to and simply cannot be bothered to even try.
I would just reply why would I want to be in a relationship just look around you as to what people are capable of.

It can feel like an other pressure you don' t need.
Single way of life is alien to some.
When people tilt their head to the side and try to reassure me l will find someone, ( as they are so fond of doing) l simply laugh and say "God, l hope not !"
l think its just one of those things like when your younger and in a relationship you will get asked re wedding plans, then once you have your first child, when are you having another ?

I might just start telling people that being in a relationship would mean giving up the harem of 20 odd year olds I've got at my disposal and I'm not prepared to give that up just yet 😂

I’ve been single all my life and I gotta say my biggest struggle has been other people’s nosiness (bad manners).

Unfortunately our society continues to be very amatonormativity.

Just tell them you can barely fit in your FBs never mind having a relationship 🤣

I have been single for 14 years since my dc were little. No one ever asks me why I am still single. If they did ask I would say because I have no time to date. When I am not working I am with my dc. Maybe when they are older. And then I would move the conversation on. Or I would say that I am happy being single and then move the conversation on.

I do feel happy being single and I feel confident talking about it. I think it is a more difficult subject for you to talk about?

I would tell them to mind their own business, they are rude to ask.

I think my genuinely personal answer to the question is 'What for?' I can't see many if any real benefits personally at this point in my life. I'm busy with work and my kids, I have wonderful friends and am financially fine.

What's the difference? So don't literally tell them to fuck off but make them feel embarrassed for asking. I don't see what's so difficult about it.

They didn't care about embarrassing you, did they? It's a really rude question.

Some people feel fine about it but they don't know that, so they're deliberately asking something that could be quite painful. Like asking a married couple why they don't have children.

I play a sport regularly and frequently am paired up with people I don't know, men and women. I find it's usually the women who are nosey keen to find out whether I'm married (particularly if their husbands are also playing).

Now I have a great response: "Oh God the less said about that the better!!!". Even better when you throw in an eyeroll and a snort. It means the answer isn't rude (although I'd prefer to say piss off, it's none of your business) and makes them think your life is full of intrigue!! Haha

If I had a tenner for every time I was asked why I never had kids ....

Some answers I have given-

Because I’m not in a relationship or married
God, if I had a quid for every time I get asked that
I’ve no idea, maybe ask all the married blokes and sleazebags that keep hitting on me
Why do you ask?
Because I’m too picky

Then change the subject.

I could never say “what the fuck’s it got to do with you” – it just comes across as angry, defensive and confrontational.