Leave or have another child?

[Zewzew]

I can't talk to ay of my friends, so am hoping for understanding and honest advice here.

I'm 35 and have DS1 and DS2 who's 2 years and 5 months. I can honestly say that I'm not done having children - I have such a drive and know for sure that if I don't have another child, I'll think about it for the rest of my life.

BUT. I'm so tired of my relationship. My partner is a nice guy, but grew up with abusive parents and have basically newer witnessed a normal, loving relationship. His mom left him with his alcoholic dad, who then neglected my partner. I have a similair story myself, just less chaotic and I had a solid, loving longterm relationship with my ex for 10 years.
So we're a great and a horrible match at the same time. There's so much drama, chaos, and arguing, but when we're not, we're really good together. And also a common mission on giving our children a better childhood than we had ourselves. And we're really good parents, just not romantic partners - we will be starting couples therapy in 2 weeks though.

Anyway. I can honestly not tell if we'll be together in 5 years. If this continues, we wont. I want something better for myself, and want to be in a kind, loving and less dramatic relationship than I am now.

But should we have another child knowing this?

Um, no, you shouldn't.

No

There's so much drama, chaos, and arguing, but when we're not, we're really good together.
i don’t think you should bring another child into the equation considering the above

No you shouldn't. You have to consider the potential future child (and your existing children) first, before your own wants, and it wouldn't be fair to any of them.

Please don't bring another kid into this situation.

Yeah why not, bring another innocent child into a house full of chaos and anger just because you want another baby.

Holy shit, I despair of people sometimes.

Of course you shouldn't bring another child into this. What an insanely selfish thing to do. You have two children, be grateful.

You 'want something better for yourself' but just not your own two kids and any third child you bring into your house of 'chaos'.

Part of being a good parent is to want the absolute best for your children.

This isn't it.

Sorry, but these two options for a question should never be posed, ever. Knowingly bringing a child into an unstable and unhappy relationship is selfish. So you very want another baby – I get that. We all want things in life, but you have to think outside of yourself. Go to counselling by all means – I would have 100% suggested that – but hold off the baby plans until your relationship is solid and happy for the long term. If you never reach that point, then it's time to accept another baby isn't on the cards.

I'm an analyst by trade.

I just went through your post and noted ~15 instances of the words 'I/me/my/myself', eight instances of the words 'we/we're/we'll' and one mention of your children.

If I was breaking that down using pure analytics, then I'd say no, that's a terrible idea.

Children are small humans that grow into bigger humans: they're not just props in your life story.

There's so much drama, chaos, and arguing, but when we're not, we're really good together. And also a common mission on giving our children a better childhood than we had ourselves

How can you say that living in this high drama environment is good for your children?

Can't you hammer this out at counselling?

Yeah why not, bring another innocent child into a house full of chaos and anger just because you want another baby.

Holy shit, I despair of people sometimes.

Exactly this.

Okay, thanks for the honest words.

I would want to defend myself by saying that the reason why I'd want another child mainly is to give my children a sibling and to give them a bigger family. I have no family and neither does my partner, so our children will only have their siblings as family in the future.

It's not based on selfishness at all - I've had horrible births and would absolutely prefer not to go any more.

You think you might end up a single parent, and yet you want to give your children more people to share your limited time, resources and attention with?

I'm not an analyst but was hit by what you want and very little of what would be in the best interests of your children. Screams selfishness.

Wanting to create a great childhood for your children in lieu of the one your partner had isn't going to happen with chaos and arguments. Come on.

I mean this is totally opposite to what you first said about wanting another baby so badly you'd think about it for the rest of your life. So I call BS.

You can't "give" your children a sibling - you can expand your family but there is zero guarantee that they will get on or see this as a positive. There is a huge risk you will end up as a single mum of 3 young kids - many happy, balanced couples would find that extremely challenging so think long and hard before choosing to potentially do this as a single parent.

If you read your post back OP it is all about you. I'm not done, I'm tried of my relationship, I want something better.....

You come across as wanting to be an earth mother Goddess being loved by the best god-daddy out there. But you don't once mention the love for the children you already have, one still not walking.

Concentrate on what you have, live in the moment like earth goddesses do.

How can you possibly think of more children, like some sort of checklist, when you have had two with a man you don't love. Or can function with. Perhaps your previous relationship was great because there were no children involved.

You already have enough. If only you could see that.

God no! A baby never fixes a broken relationship.

You sound extremely selfish. Give your head a wobble.

Having more babies thinking you will provide your children with a close, loving family is just foolishness. This isn't some dollhouse family you're creating.

Your kids already have a sibling each. You can't use that as an excuse.

Having a kid is the most selfish thing a person can do. Two is plenty. You want to take time and resources away from your existing kids for your own self indulgence. There are already two people having to endure living in your toxic house, that’s bad enough.

Planet if full!.