Tomorrow would have been my wedding day

[blueblueelectricblue28]

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for out of this, but I wanted to get it out somewhere, I was meant to get married tomorrow.
I left my abusive ex at the end of last year (with the help and support of you lovely mumsnetters) and have dreaded this day rolling around. The exit was painful and I had to retract all my invitations, cancel suppliers, all on my own, we lost our flat, sold/divided our possessions and I've lost our shared group of friends as I was the one that left plus his family and lovely nephews and nieces.

I feel I had a very lucky escape as life with him would have been miserable. We now have no ties, but have mourned the shared hopes and dreams and the loss of a long relationship. He was an abusive, controlling bully, and while it took me a while to get free from him I know my future self will thank me for it.

Since I left I've tried to rebuild my life, I'm having counselling, moved into a house share, made new friends, and adopted a lovely rescue cat, I'm trying to focus on the positives but today I feel awful.
Some relatives who had already booked to travel for the wedding decided to keep their booking after we cancelled the wedding so it hurts knowing that they are there still. Social media is full of weddings every weekend and its driving me insane!

Hand hold please while I make it through today and tomorrow😔

Ah I'm so sorry op
Though you know you've dodged a bullet it's understandably still going to be emotional for you
I hope you have something planned tomorrow ?

I think it's natural to be sad about tomorrow - mourning the life you were initially sold before he turned out to be a p-ick.
They clearly weren't friends worth having - no friend worth their salt would choose an abusive kn-bhead over you.

Be kind to yourself this weekend OP.

That must be very difficult. I think you just need to let yourself feel sad today. Have a good cry if you need, punch a pillow, let it all out!

You already know you're better off without him, so I don't need to reassure you of that. It's easy to say think of the positives and keep busy / try to distract yourself, but it's understandable to be feeling bad today and I wouldn't ignore that or try to push those feelings down.

Well done for leaving him OP. 💐

What you’re feeling is all normal. You can be angry, tearful, resentful, hateful if you want. Cry, shout, punch a pillow. Buy yourself something nice tomorrow, just flowers or chocolates or ice cream or a new lipstick. Let tomorrow be your day. Then say good bye to the old life and embrace your new one.
You know you did the right thing, you know you’ve come a long way and you’ve put so much in place , ( far more than I managed in the first year!) you’re a strong person.
Tell yourself your next year will be better, happier, brighter.

I'm sorry for what you have been through and hope you are ok ❤this time will pass and you will be able to keep moving on with your life. It sounds like you are coping amazingly xxx

I’ve been there sadly. The good news is once it’s here you’ll just get on with it. Sometimes it’s the apprehension that is worse than the reality. You’ll be fine, think of it as the last page in that chapter.

Look at it a different way OP.

If you were getting married tomorrow, you would be marrying your abuser and your life would be so much worse as a result. You managed to escape from him in time, so be proud of the fact that you had the courage to ditch the bastard.

That must feel sad.

But you are sad for a dream - the lovely wedding, the anticipation of a happy-ever-after. You know that dream was never going to happen, and you have done the biggest and bravest thing is getting away from it.

I wonder how you would have felt tomorrow if the wedding had gone ahead? Would you have felt joyous excitment? Would you have wholeheartedly believed every promise of 'loving, respecting, honouring, cherishing'? Or would those words have had a hollow ring?

It's OK to let yourself sink a little into the sadness of what might have been, but I really hope that you are also making your own beautiful plans to re-establish your confidence, and your joy.

It must be really hard.

You know you did the right thing. The dates will pass soon enough. Then you can really focus on the future and all of the exciting experiences you have ahead of you. Well done on making a positive life change, it isn't easy.

Ah, this must be hard for you, so I shall offer a hand hold and a shoulder to cry on, virtually.

You know what would be sadder, though, right? Had you gone ahead, you'd be facing a lifetime of tomorrow's with an abuser. You should give yourself a pat on the back for being strong enough to see this, and to get out while you could. Well done. You are brave and strong and you will be okay. You are okay.

Thinking of you... x

That must have been so hard.

But you did it. You made it through. Remember how strong you are.

I'm rubbish with advice. I just wanted to say I'm here for you. I totally get it. If it was me I'd do the mindfulness thing. The more you try not to think about something the harder it is.

If sad or painful thoughts and memories come into your head. Allow yourself to register them. Yes it was sad. But focus on the present and the future.

You have had a lucky escape. You know this. It will get easier. Enjoy the cat cuddles and come back here to mn whenever you need a virtual hug. You're bloody amazing.

Well done on getting away from the awful relationship.

Just be kind to yourself for the next few days. And be proud!

I know it's easy for me to say as I haven't lived your experience but I can't help thinking that tomorrow should still be a celebration but of a very different kind.

It would have been a day where you would have made the worst decision of your life. Committing to a men that would only bring you further hardship & abuse.

Try to celebrate or at least acknowledge the fact you found the incredible strenght to leave & give yourself a better future. It will be last day associated with him. Your future really starts tomorrow. Celebrate the freedom that brings. You managed to do what so many people struggle with. It make not feel great yet, but it is great and that feeling will come in time.

Well done you- for getting out. I cancelled my wedding with 6 weeks to go 15 years ago. He wasn’t abusive, but it would have been disastrous. I was still devastated. Met DH 4 years later and have 2 amazing DC. I couldn’t be happier.

Well done for getting out. It’s only a weekend, you’ll get through and feel much better afterwards. If you’d married him you’d have a lifetime of abuse. Keep busy, don’t be alone, find something fun to do.

Buy yourself some feel good stuff, whatever that is: chocolate, wine, ice cream, doughnuts, pizza, cookies, cake, all of it of you want! Put some movies on that you love too, or maybe even invite your new friends round and have a party. Or just your own part, who cares if you're by yourself? It's nice me time, and it's me time without that abusive asshole. You're free! Be happy about that, celebrate that. You were strong and got away from him, be proud of that.

Are you up for a night out or day out?

Get out get your best dress or whatever on and just celebrate your lucky escape and new beginnings xxx

Post on here tomorrow anyway get some support from strangers as sometimes it can be the best support

OP I remember your thread from back in October and the updates that followed.

I really admired your strength and resilience in starting again, it can be so daunting when you've been with someone for so long and have lives so entwined.

I hope you took the advice above and turned today around. It's OK to mourn for what could have been. From tomorrow you can start looking forward to what can be, new hopes and dreams to share with someone who treats you the way you deserve.

Up until October you're going to have a year of 'Firsts'. You've already got through your first Xmas, New Year, Valentines since the breakup. Today is probably one of the hardest days in the first year that you'll have. But you've survived. You've got this!

It's just a date in a calendar OP. You have a better life now and make your own decisions. There will always be dates like this which make you remember, but then you get on with your day and feel relieved you did not make a big mistake.
Sometimes I wish those anniversary dates which we all must have and dread would not come around every year. This date is a bullet you dodged and that is good.

Well done on getting free OP 🤗 It's really, really hard but you did it

Thank you for all the love everyone and thankyou to @titchy13 who remembered my thread! I had a great day, I saw the Rolling Stones in Hyde Park and danced my little socks off! Felt a bit tearful at times but mostly felt happy to have another crack at life.

You've done so well!
I always find when I feel like you are describing (proper punch to the stomach sad) that if I find a hill with a big wide view and be there and just sit with those feelings and let myself just be. I always come down afterwards improved in spirit. There's something about letting those feelings have free reign to go through you as they need to, to examine them, turn them over, consider where they've come from and where they're going, and let them be on their way that just helps.

Don't mourn what you've lost, have hope for what is yet to come. You lost a bad relationship and bad husband-to-be. You've gained self-esteem, friends and a sense of self-worth. The fact you had the courage to leave this guy, tells me you'll be brave to face the future and you will meet someone special. The best is yet to come, don't dwell on the past. If the wheather's nice, go for a walk somewhere nice or go for a walk down you main street. Walk till you drop to keep bad thoughts away. Meet friends for drinks and chat about hot guys!