Am I wrong ?

[joeylou7]

This is the whole truth and I really need some help with this...

I came out of a relationship just over a year ago after 18 years with a Narcissist. I felt so happy.
Then I met up with a man I went to school with. It was like an instant connection. We started dating and he started to sleep over etc after a few months. But I noticed he was always on WhatsApp. But in a shifty secretive way.
6 months down the line I found out he was drunk texting his ex saying he still loved her.
She screen shot and sent me the texts. They had not been split long so I sort of got it...
Somehow we stayed together. (Maybe this is where I went wrong)
He has no contact with her anymore and we are 4 more months down the line but I don't trust him.
I look at his phone, I feel insecure, paranoid. I hate it. And now we have another problem. TikTok! He's always on it. He's accidentally love hearted videos of teenage girls dancing, but they are always really provocative and slightly pervy videos. We fell out over it. I don't feel it's appropriate for a 48 year old man to do that! And I find it a bit embarrassing! But also it makes me feel old and ugly and fat. He only watches the skinny young beautiful hardly dressed girls...
anyway i spoke to him about it and he agreed to not do it again. But now he's switched off his watch history so I can't see what he's viewed and His TikTok feed is full of inappropriate young teenage girls hardly dressed.
I've told him how I feel about it, but he says I'm controlling. I don't even know if I'm right or wrong for how I feel- I just feel worthless cos I've asked him nor to do it. I just want him to stop it.
Our relationship hasn't been easy.
Should I end it before it goes in too far?
Or am I being stupid?
Help!

End it. There’s an ugliness under the surface of this man. And he’s so disrespectful of you with still contacting his ex. And the rest just shows what kind of person he is. He’s not the man to keep that happiness going for you.

Somehow we stayed together. (Maybe this is where I went wrong)

That would be it, and things have gotten much worse, yet you're still with this creepy fuckwit. Raise your standards. You have left one abusive relationship and jumped right into another.

You don't trust him, he doesn't make you feel good, he makes you feel insecure and paranoid. You describe his behaviour as shifty/secretive and slightly pervy.

Your confidence was low having got out of an abusive relationship, you need to raise the bar.

You deserve someone who makes you feel good and whose phone you know you don't need to check.

End it.

He's a tosser and you don't trust him anyway. There is no future in this.

Give yourself a bit more time to be single and enjoy it!

You need to end this. This man is no good. There are better men out there.

If a friend told you all of the above about their relationship what advice would you give them?

You know what to do.

End it.

Yes, you should have ended it when you found out he'd been messaging his ex. And he didn't 'accidentally' love heart the videos.

He's a big standard, sleazy bloke who is making you feel bad about yourself and turning you into someone you are (hopefully!) not. You can do better.

He hasn't accidentally done anything.
He's a dirty, cheating perv.

You deserve so much better.

This is all about how YOU are feeling. YOU feel insecure YOU feel worthless, you aren't, but you FEEL it..

You must listen to your feelings, he isn't good for you. I think you've hung on because of the 'good' bits, but the bad outweighs..

End it, you'll feel much much better in time

Run.For.The.Hills.

Right now.

OP
You were with a narcissist
You probably had some self esteem issues before that.
Now you're wondering if you should stay with someone who is disloyal.
Perhaps end the relationship and get some therapy

He's accidentally love hearted videos of teenage girls dancing

"Accidentally" my eye

Also, you don't respect his choices and behaviour. Don't think you'll change it; this is who he is. It wouldn't be good enough for me, and you're not wrong.

What a creep!

No. The Tik Tok thing is very creepy

Your instincts are right. Trust them and not him

You don’t have to be in this relationship. He is not in any way good for you and you are behaving in a way that is not good for you.

please leave him and look at some therapy to support you.

I don't even know if I'm right or wrong for how I feel- I just feel worthless cos I've asked him nor to do it

There is no right or wrong to how you feel. It's just what you feel. Your job is to respect how you feel. So, if you don't trust him, who could tell you you're wrong? Who would have the authority to tell you that your feelings were not what you should be feeling?

The truth is, you yourself are the only one who has any authority with regard to how you feel. You are the one who gets to say if it's acceptable or not. You are the one who decides if you're right or wrong. You are the one who decides how to act in response to these feelings. You could try to shut yourself up, but that's not very respectful. Or you could actually listen to what your feelings are telling you, and act in a way that will make them better.

My suggestion would be that if you don't trust somebody, remove them from your life. It cuts out all the other drama, and ends things before they mushroom.

It’s so hard.
you are all right. There is obviously a reason I am writing this. It’s not sitting right with me.

thanks for your views xx

He’s grim. Dump him. And work on your self esteem before dating again. It’s self harm staying with someone so disgusting and who treats you so poorly.

He's 48 and he wanks over teenagers' social media.

I think you've come out of a relationship with an abuser and found this bloke who is pretty shit bit not yet actively abusive, and thought you should stick with it because he's not as bad as your ex.

He's bloody grim and there's a hell of a lot better out there, trust.

He's 48 and he wanks over teenagers' social media.

That's the bottom line really isn't it, OP?

Oh god, get rid, pronto. This guy is not the one. He's just less of a dickhead than your ex, which is a pretty low bar, in my opinion.

You're not being controlling - what you're concerned about is totally valid and his attempts to dismiss you are gaslighting, which ironically, is abusive.

End it. I'd find it very off putting knowing a man of his age was leering over young girls. You're unlikely to get over this, you'll always wonder what he's looking at.

Texting the ex would have been enough for me.

"I want him to be different!"
Good luck with that!