How to get rid of frenemy?

[DancingMagpiesOfDoom]

Used to work for this family. We were never supposed to be friends, she has stayed in touch. To my detriment I have kept in touch and didn't ignore her from the start.

Her DH is insufferable, really unpleasant and used to take his wife outside to shout at her because either the DCs or her were doing something that pissed him off.

They are his DCs too and their poor behaviour was just DCs being DCs.

Worse was when DH used to bawl the DCs out.

There is one very obvious favourite DC. They never got shouted at.

Her DH is also an expert on everything. I was admitted to hospital in an emergency. I sent DW a text to tell her I wouldn't be working that week. She's sending back messages which imply that he doesn't believe me because the Drs would have done certain things if I was that ill.

DH is not a Dr, he didn't even do science at degree level. He sells computers over the phone.

I've never seen or heard the DW shouting at him. Otherwise she too knows everything about everything.

We went abroad recently, she was messaging me to tell me that we would lose our luggage and why didn't we get a refund?

Luckily we had a lovely holiday with all of our luggage.

This week again she has been messaging me about something that we are doing. Again she knows better than we do about everything. Including our own minds.

How do I politely get rid of them? In particular her? He isn't messaging me.

@DancingMagpiesOfDoom

Great that you've sent her a "firm and clear message". I hope she really takes this on board and leaves you alone.

But
I am not blocking her in case she decides to visit.

If she does visit please don't invite her in. That is what she wants. Instead email her telling her that she is harassing you and that, if she continues, your next step is to contact the police. Hopefully she will, finally, leave you alone but you should be prepared to follow through if she ignores you. Then block her everywhere except on your email, which will be the evidence you need to take legal action if you wish to do so. Good luck. 🌹

An update.
She kept messaging. And messaging. And messaging.
She still is.

Thankfully she has not (yet) called round, though I would imagine she will.

To the person who said that she (former boss) had made me ill? No, definitely not.

I will update you if she does turn up.

If she calls round Op don't answer the door. Who cares if your car is on the drive or she knows your in.

She doesn't know you were listening to music and couldn't hear the door/ outside hanging up the washing etc It's not rude to not answer the door to someone you don't want to see.

I never answer my front door if it's not convenient for me. I don't care if the people outside know that I'm home. There are many, many reasons why answering the front door isn't always convenient for me - and I'm under no obligation to do so.

I absolutely wouldn't let her in, or even answer the door. Do you have a Ring doorbell or similar where you can see who's out there? Might be worth investing in one.

But why haven’t you blocked her? This is the obvious thing to do

She isn’t your frenemy. She’s an abused woman. He’s probably wrecked every friendship she has.

This is a tough one OP. Clearly, it’s him you want to avoid.

I would try offering to see-her but explain you find her husband’s behaviour difficult to deal with and would prefer it if she didn’t mention him. She might walk away anyway.

Tellher if she ever wants to talk you are there.

I couldn’t watch someone else being verbally abused regularly and then just dump them.

Just seen updates- ignore my last post.

Are you still ignoring her messages? Keep at it.

Seriously, this is harassment and it's not over dramatic to say you could get the police involved. If she was a man we'd be calling it stalking.

You poor thing, she's actually pretty scary with the text bombardment.

Can you just text back:

Please stop contacting me. I don't want to be friends any more. You're harassing me.
I'll report you to the police if you don't stop.

I had a friend years ago who wouldn't get the hint.
Finally I wrote a very frank letter telling her the friendship was over and why.
She wrote back and just said " thanks for letting me know".
I never heard from her again thank goodness.

Next time she comes over I will ask DH to answer the door and tell her I'm asleep or something.

Why? Answer the door yourself, & tell her it's not convenient for her to visit right now. Then tell her you will call her when you are free. And do not call.
Keep doing this every time she contacts you or turns up.

Just keep up the no contact. Ignore her messages. Don’t answer the door to her or if you answer accidentally just say you are just going out. Repeat this as nauseum. Silence speaks volumes. Eventually she’ll get the message. Put her out of your mind OP

The above, every time. Do not change the record! If she is being more aggressive, make it clearer. You don’t like people turning up unannounced etc. I do think she will eventually get it.

Grey rock grey rock and silence (No contact) all the way,

Silence silence silence

Every time you engage she gets her 'hit'

@DancingMagpiesOfDoom I’m so sorry you’ve been so ill. I suspect most of the people on here have no idea what even a short spell in ICU can do to you, with all these exhortations to sack her off immediately. Can you ask your DH to speak to her?

Wow, I can imagine this is oh so tiring for you, definitely not what you need.
Have you responded to any of her numerous texts? I agree with others and think you should block her completely. If she turns up say I can't talk and close the door.

Yep.

SILENCE

its a thing.

cut the cord today.

as I said, silence speaks volumes.

good luck OP.

Keep going

On 23rd June I sent her a firm message saying that, as I no longer work for her, I do not want her to contact me again.

As I say, she is still sending me messages and I am still ignoring her.

We have been considering a Ring doorbell, however, we are moving soon and decided to buy one when we move, along with a CCTV system.

And no, we aren't going to tell her our new address!

What sort of things is she saying in the messages?
Still acting like you are ‘friends’, or being unpleasant?

She is saying things like, how is my recovery? Am I alright? What is going on?

As though it's me with the problem.

Message again formally requesting that she no longer contact you. Then block. You don't need to explain or justify.

I would actually respond that she is negatively impacting your recovery with her constant harassment of you and by the fact she cannot understand or respect the fact you are no longer her employee.

This is the last time you will respond and that she must stop trying to contact you or you will make a formal complaint to the police of harassment. You ceased to be an employee on x date and as far as you are concerned your relationship ended on that date.

You need to move from grey rocking to ghosting.

She says she isn’t replying to the messages, so I think she is ghosting. (As she needs to do, well done OP.)