Partners who pay for porn?

[MummyRR]

So I was on my husband's laptop yesterday and I came across an email that he had subscribed to a porn website paying £9.99 a month.
This email was from around 4 months before we married but I don't think he's watching it now.
Lots of men watch porn single or married, I get that.
But why pay for it when it's freely available???
He also had told me previously he doesn't watch porn when that's now clearly a lie. I'd have had no problem if he said he did.
Feeling quite sad about the lie and the fact that he's paid for it. What does that even mean he got by paying.

I feel so jumbled, I'm not sure what to think. I still have the screenshots with their numbers on. I highly doubt that the escorts will give me any info even if I were to contact them.

Totally respect this and I feel the same way.
Byt how the hell you find them/ make sure they don’t?
Seems like they all at it….. ☹️😖

Hes lying to you.
Prostitutes don't help men to cure premature ejaculation they want it over and done with asap, they aren't sexual therapists or drs, you know the people that can help with it.
And no I highly doubt they would confirm or deny anything to you.
Hes lying, I know that's awful news but he is.
I'd be getting a STI check and getting rid of him

Jesus what revelations to find out. He sounds like a total loser. Sorry.

Yuck this is like Wayne Rooney territory (apparently he has cheated on the beautiful Coleen Rooney with various very old prostitutes, I think one was nicknamed 'Awd slapper' from memory ). It's a (not very classy) kink. And it's probably not one many men have hence the need to pay for it or he prefers the webcam type interaction, effectively online prostitution. The erection issues are probably due to him needing the specific porn for stimulation and now conditioned himself to only be able to get off to that, just like Pavlov's dogs. I think he spun you a right yarn before, there is zero need for any one to have prostitutes numbers in their phone unless they plan on using them for sexual services! Get Thee to a STD clinic stat! Then decide if you want to bring up a baby around this lying sex freak. Will you be able to have sex with him ever again knowing he is probably fantasizing about a three way with you and Judith Chalmers?

I’m just trying to get this clear op, are you saying that your DH admitted to going to see (older, larger) prostitutes when you were dating, but before you were married, in order to help him with a premature ejaculation problem?

You believed that story and were ok with it, supposedly, perhaps because you didn’t have sex until you got married???

And to this day your DH doesn’t want you to touch his penis because it’s ‘too sensitive’?

There is so much here to unpack even before we get to the porn sites. You were incredibly naive, but perhaps you were sexually inexperienced, and so just accepted this story he told you.

Your DH clearly has a dysfunctional relationship with sex, he has a fetish for much older and larger ladies and he has paid for those experiences in real life. Your own marital sex life sounds a bit odd if you can’t touch your DH, he seems to have some issues there. I think finding out about the porn has probably just brought some issues that are clearly there to the surface. Watching porn occasionally isn’t a big deal imho, paying for it is another matter, previous prostitute use is a big issue. I think you need to communicate open and honestly with him as obviously this bothers you and there are underlying unresolved issues.

Agree

Yes correct.
I want to ask him about it. I'm just wondering how to go about it.
How do I even start, what do I say?
If I mention the porn I know he's watched then he's to going to know I've snooped.
Also, I contacted two of the escorts yesterday. One didn't answer but the other did. She hung up the phone but I was adamant. She said that he was a no show.

@MummyRR there’s no right or wrong way here, who cares at this point if you have snooped. I think you simply need to communicate honestly.

I would tell him that you came across an email that told you he was paying for porn, and then ask him in a non confrontational way why he did that, if he is continuing to engage in it and what sort of thing he is looking to get from it. I would also bring up that it made you think of the previous situation with prostitutes, your confusion around that and tell him how him continuing to pay for it makes you feel.

I think I would also try to make it safe for him to confide in you, it’s ok for people to have kinks and weird stuff they like, but not if it’s making you uncomfortable and worried, it needs to be aired.

It seems like there’s a lot of unspoken stuff going on here between you and maybe some repression and awkwardness in your physical relationship that you simply don’t share. You also have to talk about why you can’t touch him and (if you do in fact want to) what you can do about that. There seems to be quite a large elephant (no euphemism) in the room that has to be addressed here. Ignoring it wouldn’t be an option for me.