Partners who pay for porn?

[MummyRR]

So I was on my husband's laptop yesterday and I came across an email that he had subscribed to a porn website paying £9.99 a month.
This email was from around 4 months before we married but I don't think he's watching it now.
Lots of men watch porn single or married, I get that.
But why pay for it when it's freely available???
He also had told me previously he doesn't watch porn when that's now clearly a lie. I'd have had no problem if he said he did.
Feeling quite sad about the lie and the fact that he's paid for it. What does that even mean he got by paying.

That's fair enough. I suppose I just noticed there's mention of more than one mail - trust is shot once lies creep in anyway. I'm sorry you came across all that, it must have been awful.

If he’s paying it’s probably a rare fetish

Honestly, if it was just a fantasy and no big deal, you’d think men would be more than happy and easily willing to stop the habit to help their partnes to be happier and more secure.

These days anyone paying for it, other than onlyfans, seems unusual, there's pornhub and youporn, similar to youtube, and then for erotica of the written type, with millions of different stories, literotica

This is why I think porn is damaging to relationships. Personally I hate the feeling it gives me to know his been wanking off to other women I dont think it's good for self esteem or the health of your relationship to discover that

If it's his money and he's not actually cheating then it's just the lie but as a previous poster stated maybe he is embarrassed and not open to discuss this?... Everyone has a few secrets right?

But why pay for it when it's freely available???

because
a) people deserved to be paid for work regardless
b) free stuff is generally ripped off from somewhere else

However if you have boundaries then you need to discuss this with him.

That's understandable, but as with movies etc, I would presume the actors perform in the "movie" get their fee, then that's it, the production company would then get the rest of the profits unless it's royality based ?

Maybe he paid so he could see the site without ads? Porn sites bombard users with popup ads, usually for webcam sites. Can be very annoying.

Depends how high you go. Paid for platforms should be protecting the content creators from resharing but unfortunately it happens

I won't be saying anything to him, I'm just going to leave it.
Had I found that he was messaging women I would have done.
I changed the password in order to access the account. I'll try logging in again in say a month's time and if I can't access the site then I know that he's logged in.

It's called FapHouse.
I checked the messages and he's not written to anybody, just favourited some videos and followed some pages.
Sorry to hear what you went through.

There is more to this.
So the 5 videos he's favourited are:

1. young lad having sex with an older, plumper lady
2. 2 older ladies and 1 older man all getting it on together
3. x2 videos of 2 older lesbians
4. one older lady playing with herself

Going back almost a year ago, I was using his phone since the battery had died on mine. He was sleeping at the time. I was snooping at that time and found various WhatsApp messages all the way from mid 2018 to late 2020 (we married 2021) from women who were escorts giving their postcodes.
I discovered they were escorts because I googled their number and their adverts came up.
These women were of mature age too.
I confronted him of course and he said he never actually met them. The only reason he wanted to anyway was because he was insecure with his man downstairs and premature ejaculation issue. So he wasn't going for sex, it was purely to learn how to prevent coming early. He said he would go to a mature lady since they are more experienced, (And yes, we waited to do the deed until we married)
Obviously he had never said anything to me about this in the time that we dated.
I know there was one lady, she was plump and older because I remember seeing the picture on WhatsApp that he had met sometimes because there were messages about meeting at the flat.
Anyway, I was ready to leave him that night. But he showed me his Amazon purchases from a month before we married and it was delay sprays.
It made sense and so I stayed.
However coming across his favourited videos now, I am thinking otherwise.
Was he really going to 'learn' or was he going to fulfil his fetish?

What do you mean older?
As in around 30’s (to my understanding mid 20’s are already playing milf’s in pornland), or old - as in grey, saggy, wrinkly - old?

Talking 50s-60s, saggy/wrinkly

Oh OP, it sounds like you put up with/overlooked a lot in the past. I wouldn't be impressed that he's doing sexual stuff again, even if it's comparatively light. That it's on top of the stuff he did years ago, would mean it really grossed me out. Because you know now this is to some extent his real character, not some anomaly to help him with a performance issue.

@MummyRR Sorry lovely- but he's fed you a right load of crap about escorts etc- he clearly has got some kind of sex addiction and I would be keeping very quiet and thoroughly snooping .

I'm really sorry this is horrible. But it really does seem as though he has seemed out escorts in the past and he is either doing it again or building up to doing it again. I don't think he can be trusted. He obviously has this fetish for older women and he will always be seeking it out. He will just get better at hiding it.

As a man, I watch porn a lot and may be too much but I never pay for it, why pay for something that is available for free? It's like paying for air or sunlight, makes no sense. Unless your husband is into very specific porn which is on some specialist site like BDSM etc.
I think I would be ok with my GF telling me to stop paying for porn. However; I don't know if I would like it if she said to stop watching porn when we don't have enough sex. Example: My ex and I had sex every day and I never watched porn. My current partner and I have sex once every 3 weeks if as her sex drive is low so I do watch a lot of porn.

he clearly has got some kind of sex addiction

Or more likely, he's just a sleazeball.

He's into plump, older women - straight or lesbian.
We'd not had sex in nearly a month (I am 7 months pregnant) he said he was worried it might hurt the baby which I get.
I assured him it's fine and so we did. When I started initiating it he said "ok then, let's get it out the way."
Realising what he said, he said he didn't mean it like that.
I wanted to again last night but he said he was too hot.
Also, I've never except for once touched/stroked his penis. He said it feels too sensitive.
I gave him a handjob once but he never came.

Something isn't adding up about all this.
Fap House is a paid for part of free porn sites, xhamster i think
The rubbish he's told you about the escorts is just that a load of rubbish

Yeah I went onto the site. To get access to a full video you have to pay.
The stuff about the escorts might or might not be true - how am I going to ever know the truth though☹️

I refuse to go out with anyone who watches porn.
I get that I am probably Mrs Mary Whitehouse but the porn industry is NOT something I support, it's non negotiable.

@MummyRR I don't think there are men who consider seeing a prostitute to 'learn how to prevent coming early.' How would it even work? Prostitutes aren't sex therapists and it'd be verging on the exact opposite of what most of them do.

I think most blokes would know seeing a prostitute isn't the answer to that issue. In fact, the idea wouldn't enter anyone's head. If someone wanted to see someone to help it, they'd probably try a 'sex therapist' instead.