My heads been stuck up my arse these past couple of weeks battling with my own thoughts and I cannot bring myself to talk to friends or family about what I'm dealing with.
I broke up with my ex in January, we had been together nearly two years and we had many ups and many downs as you'd expect. The arguments towards the end hit breaking point. Usually we would break up and get back together but I decided enough was enough and I left him. I absolutely adored him, he was everything to me. I wanted my future with him. The problem was I was further ahead in life, he was not ready for settling down or growing up and it caused many differences between us. Two months later I met my current partner who literally gives me the world. I cannot complain or say a bad word against him. He is mature, kind, loving, providing, everything that I wanted in a relationship.
Now 6 months later my ex has reached out and said he's realised what an idiot he's been, how much regret he has, punishes himself for the way he treated me, and would do anything to get me back, he's been showing me how much he's changed, how he knows what he wants in life and his future and saying all the shit I wanted to hear from him 6 months ago. I've told him I'm with someone now and that he needs to move on and I've blocked him but I can not stop thinking about him. It's made me realise I do still love him so much and my feelings are deep down so strong. I know if I wasn't in this relationship now I'd have gone to meet with him and talk. I just don't want to risk throwing away a good man and I feel like it's a battle with my head and my heart. I know the sensible safe option is stay where I am, but the love I have for my ex is so over powering, I keep thinking he's the one I'm meant to be with. It's now causing me to be distant with my partner, which is making me feel guilty and cruel. I need advice from strangers because battling my own thoughts is mentally draining me!!!