My mother phoned last night to harangue me about what a bad daughter I am, and this has really upset me. I am 36 weeks+ pg, tired, ad hormonal, so may have got things out of perspective.
Background to this: I have always had a 'difficult' relationship with my mother, to put it mildly. Without going into all the details I was emotionally abused as a child, and it took a long time (and a lot of counselling a few years ago) to deal with a lot of the stuff I'd experienced as a child. We speak once a week or so on the phone (they don't live near), and it is fine so long as topics are kept neutral. I only stay in touch for my dad's sake (he is reasonably normal but very put upon). My mother is a very loud, over-bearing, domineering sort of person, who is used to getting her own way on things, and nobody can ever be bothered to argue with her.
Anyhow, last night she called and started with a rant about how I never return her calls despite her leaving messages on my answerphone ... except there hadn't been any messages. We'd last spoken about 10 days before that when she had ranted about SIL coming to take care of ds when I give birth (SIL 45 mins away max, parents 7 hours drive away at their speed). Ds spends a lot of time with SIL and solts easily into family life there. In contrast, he finds my mother's visits unsettling and screams a lot when she visits. There were comments about her being ds's 'proper' family, not SIL, and this arrangement not being 'right'.
Then she said they'd like to come and stay soon. I suggested it might be a good idea to wait until after the baby came now. The last thing I need now, with high bp, is the stress of a parental visit. They won't do short visits (min 4 nights) and expect me to run around after them (as when they came to 'help' after ds was born). My mother is also very noisy and a night owl, and I get next to no sleep when she stays.
This did not go down well. She put on a sad, quiet voice and told me I was a dreadful daughter, shutting out my proper family, keeping them away from their grandson, etc. I didn't say much - I'm hopeless at saying the right thing in confrontational situations - just that I recognised that of course they wanted to see ds, but it would be so much easier if they could wait a few weeks. Dh and I had planned to arrange rail travel and perhaps an overnight stay in a hotel for them after ds2 was born (saving them the stress of driving which they hate, and getting rid of them promptly)
Aside from upsetting me now, I am worried that she will ruin the time after ds2 is born. We had such an awful time when ds1 was born (ill in scbu, moving house at the same time, parents insisting on staying and causing extra stress). I'm not planning on being pg again, and would dearly love to bring this baby home just with dh and ds and enjoy a bit of family time together. She cast a dampener on my wedding with similar behaviour (does not like dh or his family at all).
Sorry, very long and dull. Needed to get it out of my system.