Food mismatch

[PrestatynPirate]

Hi all

Me and my bf have a terribly mismatched eating schedule!

My typical day:
Snacks- fruit and no fat Greek yoghurt (unlimited throughout the day - depends on hunger)
7am breakfast - wheetabix with milk and apple. Coffee
12:30 lunch - veg soup and sandwich
7pm tea - tuna pasta bake and broccoli.
If I have other junky snacks they tend to be at work.

His typical day:
Breakfast is skipped
Lunch is skipped until around 4, where he has sausage sandwich, 4 bits of bread and 4 sausages.
Dinner: take away pizza and chicken strips, beer, full fat coke
Snacks: crisps and donuts and other Junk.

When I cook us "ordinary" evening meals like chicken and roasted potatoes and veg, lasagne, curry etc I can never seem to make enough. I make enough for 4 - 6 but he eats it and then has snacks after I go to bed.

This is how I feel- I feel like we miss the time to connect by not cooking / eating together. It's like living with a student / teenager! It also is costly and messy to be making separate meals. He pays for all his junk food and does the lions share of the cleaning though. Although he must be spending a fortune! Thing is I don't want to compromise because I'm happy with my diet which is what I would consider to be more "average". No way I'm eating pizza at midnight regularly, I'd not get out the door!

I don't want to / can't change him, but maybe we can get into a better routine with each other?

Full disclosure because I know you'll ask is that he is larger man, which doesn't bother me (except occasional health concerns, but it's his body!) and he was this size when I met him. It's just since we've moved in (a year ago) that I really noticed.

I decided to post on here because I went to bed this evo and woke up after midnight needing water. I went into the sitting room and he had another Deliveroo. Third this week, and I just thought really love??? We have food in the fridge!

I don't want to nag / upset him. I just want us to eat a normal tea together some nights!!!

I'm sure someone will have wise words.

Do you want kids?? If so I’d end it now.

You need to choose the father of your child wisely and this guy is not a good bet.

Even if you don’t want kids, it sounds like you are doing all the cooking Does he even know how to cook? The takeaway must be costing a fortune Do you want to buy your own home with your partner?

I don’t think you are compatible long term sorry.

By all means sit down for a chat with him about your feelings on this matter and see if you can agree on a plan that works for both of you. But if he refuses to compromise or agrees but doesn’t follow through I would bin him.

I would end it. I wouldn't want to be with someone who eats like this. You'll end up resenting him and the waste of money. You have different values and if you have kids it'll be a nightmare.

He pays for his take aways and junk so that doesn't affect me.

Really? You think I should end it over pizza? That's not what I want to do!

Yes I would end it but I value health.

I would not want him as a role model to my children. I would see that we were incompatible.

What do you want to do then?

I want us to eat dinner together. As a start.

What does he say about eating dinner together? Eating more healthily?

It wouldn’t be breaking up over pizza. That’s like Jacob Rees Mogg saying Partygate is a fuss about cake. 😊

Well you need a serious chat about it all and lay down your list of wants.

He can agree or disagree then you decide how important that is to you.

Don't feel it isn't deal breaker because it's just pizza. It's a lot more complex than that. But only you can decide if you want to live like that with someone like that.

Sounds like he needs mental health help for his eating habits.

He just says "oh I'm not hungry yet" which is probs true because he had lunch at 4!

Mental health help?!

You are not grasping how majorly significant his issues are. You have far bigger problems on your hands than just eating together.

I think we are on a different page here OP.

In my opinion his eating behaviours stem from somewhere. It's not normal to eat like that. He's binge eating snacks and sausages and takeaways. That's not what happy people do. I'd say he needs help.

Eating that diet affects physical and mental health. Is he depressed? It's hard to eat a diet like that without wider consequences than being 'a bigger man'.

I'm glad you said this as I've had to reread the opening post incase I'm overreacting or getting the wrong end of the stick.

My partner is vegetarian and I'm not. I find that hard enough in terms of not enjoying certain foods together and having to compromise on what I feed my children rather than what I'd naturally choose to feed them. And honestly, after 10 years of compromise I'm finding it harder than I used to. It seems like a horrible reason to end a relationship but I think you do need to think very carefully about your future. If you want children, him wasting money becomes irrelevant if it's his or your money. Children are horribly expensive and I imagine in time you'll resent the proportion of household income going on takeaways.

The way I see it, he has got into bad habit from living alone for a while and hasn't adjusted to living with me yet.

I don't think he has any MH issues...

Full disclosure I am v highly paid so money for food will never be an issue. I'm very very fortunate. I'm never going to be relying on him to feed the kids.

It's been a year, that's quite a lot of time to mange a meal with the person you love.

I think you are minimising his behaviour.

Maybe you'll have to have your tea together at 4pm when he's having his 4 sausage sandwiches.

Tea at 4!!! I'm not back from work at 4! Who is 🤣

He's going to rely on you to be his carer. He has massively disordered eating, he's obese, and he is terrible with money. It would be madness to have children with this man.

You're in denial! It isn't just pizza is it.

this man's diet is a carcrash, mainly comprising highly processed junk food eaten at ridiculous times of day/night.

Lol OK I'm gna leave this thread now.

Thanks, I guess?

(Tea at 4 I mean ffs!)

You want to eat together. He won't change. He eats at 4 🤷‍♀️

I'm another who says you're hugely in denial.

DH and I often eat separately due to our work schedules but he doesn't spend hundreds a month on takeaway or eat pizza at midnight.

You can't change him so if for whatever reason you want to stay together, you'll need to change your own eating schedule and what you find important in a relationship which seems very silly to me.

PS I often finish work at 2pm 😉 lots of people finish early and eat early as a result.

(We eat at 4:15pm as that's when we are hungry).

He’s a compulsive over-eater. There may be psychological reasons for this, like low self-esteem. Will he consider addressing those issues? Frankly, I couldn’t be with someone who eats like this because it’s gross.

He’s had twelve months to adjust and hasn’t.

you’re young now and his metabolism is better - the older you get the more obese he will become. Is this the future you want?

I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who had no desire to change such awful eating patterns. It’s wasteful and gross.

If/when you have children would you want them to see this and think it’s normal?

Have you told him you want to eat together? That his pattern bothers you?