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Original poster

how do you forgive..

57 replies

Namechanged454 · 17/06/2022 15:34

how do you forgive a breach of trust? I've commented and posted on so many threads here about how amazing my relationship is, yet here I am now after finding out my partner has been looking at hook up sites this week. He promises he never messaged, met up, nothing...it was just part of a rush doing it and looking at what people are doing on there. He can't give me a reason why he did it.

He makes me feel wanted and loved every single day since I met him, we have so many future plans and this has totally thrown me because we are SO in love - we are best friends. I love his family, he loves mine. I can't imagine life without him. I asked him to leave, and he did. But does this really have to be the end? Am I a mug to allow him another chance? My brain is fried.

OP posts:
Quartzrain · 23/04/2023 04:08

The poster who wrote this "You have to decide if it's worth it for you because honestly, it's like that old saying "if a mirror breaks you can glue it back together but you'll still see the cracks". Trust is only there until it's broken and then it can't ever be replaced - you'll always be wondering IMO." has nailed it in my humble opinion. Also great advice for me to take in my current situation.

AprilFool23 · 23/04/2023 10:44

What's the story with how his relationship broke down with the mother of his children?

Do you think you have the full/correct story there?

This forum is full of ex wives and partners who know exactly what their ex is like, but feel they can't tell his latest partner because they'll be deducted as jealous, bitter, insane, trying to break them up etc. etc.

No doubt there are some decent people (though way fewer men than women) who end up broken up from their original life partner and coparent, but lots of them end up broken up for good reasons. Reasons you're only likely to start discovering a few years in and when you're living with them.

AprilFool23 · 23/04/2023 10:45

*depicted

AprilFool23 · 23/04/2023 10:47

With no kids together, no financial ties (?) it would honestly seem better to cut your losses now you've seen this significantly sketchy behaviour.

(And he knows why he joined the site - he's just not able to be honest about that).

ThickSkinnedSoWhat · 23/04/2023 10:48

Namechanged454 · 17/06/2022 17:05

He's totally owned it all, handed his phone straight over to me to look at. He's not making excuses or defending himself, nor is he minimising how bad it is what he's done. He's said it's the rush and excitement of seeing people on there doing things they shouldn't, more than him actually seeking anything himself. I wholeheartedly believe he's never met with anyone..maybe I'm a mug though

You are. He will know to keep his phone cleared. Trust me.

Gettingbysomehow · 23/04/2023 10:50

I'm not big on forgiveness. I cannot see the point of it. It doesn't solve any of life's problems to just unconditionally forgive and ignore the core problems that will no doubt recur again and again.
I'd forget about forgiving and concentrate on the actual issues and your needs and wants.
Do you want to live with a man you don't trust?
Can you see a future with a man you don't trust?
What will you do if this happens again?
Do you want your children to be around a person like this?

Fuerza · 23/04/2023 12:59

Eugh, you're turned off by his shabbiness. Then trying to ignore that, no wonder you struggle with it.

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