Slept with friend, now he's acting weird.

[Sellingsunrises]

I work at a hospital, so does my friend. Different departments. We know each other because we are the same profession and grade. We text, eat lunch together at work sometimes, and I've been to the cinema with him and his friends.

Last weekend a group of us went out, I was tipsy and hit on him. He was surprised and said he had no idea I saw him that way. Anyway, we slept together. After we did, he told me that he needed to be up front and say he wasn't looking for anything casual because his parents are strict and he has to marry someone from the same background as him (I'm white).

I said this was fine. I'm not ready to commit at the moment.

He also mentioned that he doesn't like to tell people about these kinds of arrangements but he didn't specify why not. Maybe to avoid the hospital rumour mill?

He texted me the next day, just a simple chat about how nice my flat is. I didn't see him in person until yesterday and I haven't initiated any chats to keep it chill.

I was working with a colleague who's in the same friendship group as the man I slept with. Colleague and I went to eat lunch in the canteen. Man I slept with was eating with 3 of his male friends. When my colleague and I walked over, the man I slept with said "hey", and kept looking from me to my colleague with a sort of "wide eyed" expression, then when we said we'd sit down he suddenly excused himself and claimed he had to get back to work to complete a small job that was due for 2pm. It was 12:50.

The disappearance was so abrupt that my colleague privately commented that the man I slept with behaved very strangely, and asked me what was going on.

I'm worried he's ashamed of me because I'm ugly and he doesn't want anyone to know. 😔

OP you sound absolutely lovely !!
this guy was lucky you hit on him, but he isn’t going to ever really into you due to the cultural / race issue and he’s not going to be good FWB material - too much baggage, possibly shame and not confident to pull it off -

look elsewhere for someone who really deserves your time !!
and those dickhead school bullies ….
they should be ashamed, not you, regarding their behaviour !!

I bet he has feelings for you now

I'm actually going to go against the grain and say that your gut feeling may have something to it.

It may be that he thinks he is better than you (that doesn't mean you are ugly, it just means he has an inflated af ego). That he is one of those assholes that just thinks his shit smells like rainbows.

And that whole 'not looking for anything serious because of my family' was actually just bs. Because arrogant sorts like that think they are so high value that if you aren't a frigging supermodel, they've done you some sort of favor. And that you'll be gagging for it and not leave them alone otherwise.

Also (again, absolutely not saying that you are but) some men absolutely do sleep with women who they consider unattractive. Heck, some of them fuck actual pies xD shagging and liking someone don't have to go hand and hand for men, many are not remotely fussy.

Second alternative - one of the rest of the group fancies you so he bolted it before it became apparent to that person that you two had had a thing.

I'll I'll flamed for this but fwb doesn't work for most women.

In my experience, most catch feelings, want their fwb partner to make it more, and end up feeling hurt, rejected etc.
It generally ends in tears for the woman.

You sound vulnerable already due to the effects of bullying.

I would advise you not to get into a fwb or casual situation with him in any way.

He has already told you clearly he's not getting jnto a serious relationship with a woman not from his race and cultural background.
Some women might think he might change his mind and stand up for himself/them; odds are he never will. I actually find that in itself a big turn off aboit his character, but that's a whole other thread.

Don't go there.

Look for a boyfriend, a real boyfriend, a real relationship.

I don't know any women who fwb truly suits.

And to ne you definitely sound like it wouldn't do you any favoure.

*favours

he’s not going to be good FWB material - too much baggage, possibly shame and not confident to pull it off

This is true as well.

Even if you got into a fwb with him (which you shouldn't!!) he doesn't sound like good material for it. He won't be able to do it without making you feel self conscious & confused and crap; he's already doing that and it's like 2 mins since you first had sex.

Not a good candidate at all for fwb.

But I don't think fwb works for most women anyway.

It's a scam/bullshit that works mostly for men.

I second pp. He isn't fwb material.

In my experience it's its not just that ppl can get attached in fwb situations thats the problem, but also that many men who enter into them are all about their ego and so, when youbdont fall for them they gey really pissy about it.

This guy sounds like he'd fall into the later category.

Don't go there. It'll be a headfuck and a half.

If you want casual, stick to tinder hookups. Because the majority of fwb situations just turn very messy. Especially if it's someone u work with.

• they get really pissy

Regarding guys who don’t like the scars - you can think of them as the trash taking itself out and saving you the trouble.

I've still heard nothing from him.

I'm really surprised because part of the reason we became closer friends was because I asked for advice about another guy I was seeing.

And he was constantly telling me I'm beautiful, clever, kind, wonderful etc. and no guy should treat me badly.

He knows how much the other situation hurt me so I'm surprised by this.

Tbf though op he said he didn't want anything serious and so you slept together...but that doesn't mean he wants anything more than that. Casual for a guy can just mean a shag. And that's it.

It’s very odd to me. He doesn’t want a relationship, you don’t want a relationship…so where is the problem for him? He is clearly attracted to you, and you both understand it’s not a relationship, you’d think he would be in the same position as you really and that he would be happy to have a FWB situation

Find another one :)

OP he's slept with you and you with him. Was it on a fwb basis? Cultural and gender differences eh?
Forget it. He's a mysogynist, no?

@Sellingsunrises have you heard from him?

Yeah, we texted on Sunday (I initiated with "hey") and he suggested and was keen to meet but had some commitments that day that ran on.

Then he said Monday but when I asked he was too tired after a 10 hr shift.

He hasn't suggested another day but he's sat with me in the canteen and invited me over to sit with his friends.

And he's been liking things I post in the work chat.