Unsure of what to do

[Sarah18220]

Just after some advise really… I’m really unsure of what to do.. and what is acceptable/unacceptable

myself and OH have lived together for 5 years. We have a DD of 18 months. He works 5x 8/9hour shifts a week , 7.30-4.30/5ish and I work 2 x 9 hour (10-7)and 1 x 5 hour shift (9-5)

I am always always the first one out of bed at 5/5.30, I get up walk the dogs, tidy up from the night before, feed all the animals (we have dogs, goats and chickens), prepare everything for the day

i then get DD up and sort her out

OH then gets up 7 ish, gets ready and goes out the door
i then have to get myself ready whilst dealing with an 18month old and get out the door for 8.40 ish to drop DD off at my mums to head to work?

am I being unreasonable asking for help?

He thinks housework is beneath him, that is why he won't change. He knows how hard you work but he does not care. He wants you to be his servant.

Well, don't

Don't shop for him, cook for him, clear up his stuff or, frankly, go near him.

And tell him he steps up or it's over

At this point he's just adding to your load.
I think you either need to give up the livestock or him.

He is only counting the paid work you do as work, he isn't including all the other stuff you do, animals, walking dogs, looking after your child, washing, drying, putting away, shopping, cooking, clearing up, hoovering, tidying etc etc.

Add all that up and place next to his 'work' hours and see what it looks like then.

It seems he's quite happy with the status quo and has no problem with letting you do everything. You've talked to him, he's not made any changes long term and is now arguing the toss. He may work 50 hours a week, but if you're getting up at 5am and not stopping until 9pm, then you're actually working longer hours than him.

You've given him the chance to change but he's chosen not to, you'v e now got 2 choices, stay and accept that this is how it will be, or leave.