Husband likes to stay our till 4 to 6am

[AshK777]

Hey everyone I just feel like I need some unbiased opinions.

My Husband is 30, and when he goes out he often stays put really late... like between 4 and 6am not he only does this about 4 times a year (he goes out more to football and things and other stuff)
He tells me he's allowed a blow out every now and then but I don't feel like it's acceptable.
Besides the states he gets in, I feel like any time after 2 is really unacceptable.
I don't want my children thinking that behaviour is normal. He always feel sorry for himself the dat after his nights out cause he's so hungover and doesn't move off the couch.
I disagree so much that I actually feel like eventually we might break up over it. He's not taking me seriously when I say it but I really don't want to be with a party boy and I don't want my children to think it's normal.
Am I being over the top?

It’s so depressing that anyone over 40 cannot have fun,drink too much and feel hungover the next day!! Am off on a four night trip with my friend and we are in our 50s !!
We have every intention of enjoying our wine at any time of the day 😂
OP it’s fine for your partner to go out and have ‘down’ time as long as you get the same opportunity.

He's only 30! Of course it's ok to go clubbing every now and then. Don't you do the same? I'm over 50 and I still have the very occasional night out until early hours.

But is it ok to come home, wake everyone up and piss down the stairs?

If your partner rocked in when ever he felt like it. Went the toilet down the stairs instead of the toilet.... and water the following day... really surprised people are putting nights out before thier children.
People should be setting an example for thier kids.

It's not the staying out that's the issue, it's the state he gets in, the behaviour and the disrespect.

He has plenty of down time. Our children are young. 2 and just turned one.
He doesn't pull his weight with the kods that's a different matter.... I can accept that je earn more money so the kids are my job.
He goes practically every home football game.... he socialises alot.... my issue are the wild nights.

I don't do it. I put my kids first. I wouldn't wanna be ging over and just wate a day and can't look after my kids properly.

Which is every time he has one of these wild night. He's came home with drugs in his pocket on occasions.... he's been on a birthday weekend in Dublin and not come home.....
I am forgave the Sublin time purely cause our baby was just born and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But these things keep happening.

Now my friends partners don't stay out like my partner does. Even some of the lads he plays football with all the k es with wives and kods go home at like 12 or 1.... call it a night..... he will go out at 5pm and get back at 4 5 or 6 o'clock when I'm getting up with the kids.

My 3 year old still wakes up I the night and asks me wheres Daddy.

Your issue isn't him staying out until 4am, your issue is him not pulling his weight domestically. That's probably why you're focusing on the example to your children aspect of it. (By the way, I don't agree getting drunk every so often is setting a bad example necessarily). If you sort out the relationship imbalance you'll probably become a lot more forgiving

I'm on the fence somewhat. I think it's fine, and healthy, to go out with friends a few times a year and have a blow out. What's not acceptable is urinating on the stairs, doing drugs and bringing them home.

Could he stay in a hotel and come home when he's sorted himself out?

If you want to go away for the weekend with friends or stay out to the early hours, will he have the kids that evening and the next day?

So confront him about his behaviour. If you say he can't stay out late he'll just act like a prick and maybe come home earlier. Nothing will change except you'll have to put up with his ridiculous behaviour for longer every time.

Suzie thank you for you response.... there is also more to what he's like in nights out .
I don't so it I expect the same respect. As a husband and a father I don't think it's acceptable. If you read my replies to other people you'll see there is more to it aswell.
He has plant of night out... he has one great social life (can't say the same for me)
I normally wouldn't be with someone this irresponsible. I got pregnant by accident so we made a go of it. I do love him... but I can't keep putting myself though this every time he wants to go out. Worrying will he come back... what state will he be in. 4 time a year or every few month je does this....be he does go out alot more.

It isn't just that he goes out. The issue is his general behaviour. Those 4 nights a year would be fine without all the other issues you mention. They are actually more important

Upon first reading this I was going to say you are being super unreasonable. Until you mentioned that he gets so drunk he pisses everywhere . That’s a different kind of drunk ( u less that was just a one off- we all have maybe one bad experience)

i in my fifties and would never expect to HAVE to be home and tucked up in bed by the time of the last bus. If I go out with friends I stay as long as I like - i would keep DH informed it is was going to be super late so that he could go to bed and not worry about me. I would not ask permission. He’s not a party person but I would feel the same for him. We don’t control each other.

i think though that your main issue is that he doesn’t step up for the DC. It’s tough with young DC and it is not fair for you to do It all. Perhaps you need to discuss this aspect of your marriage and put things on a more even footing.

either that or ditch him and go it alone - sometimes it is easier 😉

Ah, the shameless drunkenness would bother me too.

Would honestly not have a problem with my DH being out-out until early AM. I've had the occasional late night / early morning fun with my pals and it has been wonderful.

But I've never been so blind drunk (or party high, for that matter) that I've forgotten where the actual toilet in my own house is.

So he goes out often... like I keep stating he's a great social life.

4 times a year is still like every 2 or 3 months.... if he did stay in a hotel je wouldn't be home at all the next day cause he would be to hung over.

I don't see why he always has to be the last man standing. All the responsibile people go home.... but he doesn't.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd child he went out and came in when I was getting up with my daughter..... how can people think this is acceptable?

I do t and I came here thinking people would look at it from my perspective.... a wife... and most importantly a Mother.
However everyone seems to think having a good time comes before your family.

He can go out with his mate.... I do t want to stop him I just wish my husband was like my friends partners who know when yo call it a night!

I won't stand for it anyway

4 times a year is ok
bit I’m a ‘party girl’
well - ex party girl !

it wouldn’t bother me - as
long as i got my Own time back

This wouldn’t have bothered me and I would have taken up the slack in the next morning too giving them a lie in to shake off the hangover. Isn’t that the norm?

2am is night time, 6am is the morning.

4 times a year is fine.
But he should nurse his hangover in bed not in the family space.

Your further posts make this sound a lot worse than your initial one. I wouldn’t be too bothered about a blowout four times a year, but coming home so drunk you use the stairs as a toilet is unacceptable.

I think though that you’ve said you won’t stand for it, but you’ve married him and had two kids with him so clearly you are standing for it since this sounds like long running behaviour.

What do you want to do? What are your options realistically?

Well with your first post I’d say YABU. Dh & I are nearly in our 60’s & we both go out with our own friends & stay out till the early hours- we’ve both both been known to come home at 4/5/6am. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Even when we had young kids. The other would parent. We are both out separately this Friday - we have made zero plans for Saturday. We go away with our friends as well. We’re married not tied to each other.

But drugs, urine down the stairs. No.

I got pregnant by accident... we made a go if it. In lockdown he obviously isn't behave like this.
He promised he would grow up but the hasn't.
My options are stay and let my children witness this every couple of months.... or leave.... My Mum has 3 empty bedrooms but Nan has 2 empty bedrooms.

Long term who knows....I've not thought that far ahead...

Just him telling me I won't leave him makes me want to leave even more

Some couples like to party I personally put my children first. I partied enough in me teens and 20s.... I feel like I've passed that stage of my life now.
I've grown up.

I can have a good time without getting rotten drink and staying out all night.

I do t and I came here thinking people would look at it from my perspective.... a wife... and most importantly a Mother.
However everyone seems to think having a good time comes before your family.

If you'd have given all of the information in the first post then you would have got some very different answers.
What you described first isn't unacceptable however, your subsequent updates do show him behaving in an unacceptable manner. The drip feed didn't help!

Nobody is saying having a good time comes before your family. What people are saying is that it is perfectly possible to still go out when you are married and have children, and that it's okay to stay out late occasionally. You need to understand that when most people go out they don't behave in the same way your husband does.

Some couples like to party I personally put my children first. I partied enough in me teens and 20s.... I feel like I've passed that stage of my life now.
I've grown up.

I know you're upset but there's no need to be rude and insult people!

Just because, at the grand old age of 40, I still like to go out doesn't mean I'm not putting my child first or that I'm immature.