Life after separation...really excited

[Tolerancenomore]

We are separating and I cannot help but feel really excited! The idea that I no longer have to put up with everything I put up with for 6 years, constantly second guessing myself, the gaslighting, the blamed pushed on me, the boring anxiety filled weekends, the name calling etc.

I loved my single life many years ago but the last year before I met H I was getting depressed, really depressed, as I wanted a child and I was approaching my 40ies. I now have my amazing DD who is almost 5 and I feel like I'm taking my life back but with a bonus :). I know it's going to be incredibly hard juggling everything as a single mum and we will have to live in a smaller place, but I really don't care.

I just joined a gym today for the first time in 6 years and I'm going to start meeting friends again at weekends.

Is it weird to feel this way?

Not at all, I think when you’ve been unhappy in a relationship looking forward to what comes next is natural. Enjoy your new found freedom.

No, I am really enjoying living on my own with my kids. No loud snores at night, no criticism of the way I choose to do things around the house. I have a new partner now, but we live separately and I want to keep it that way.

@Stayingstrongish Oh yes, the loud snores too, although we've been living in separate rooms for a few months now...I totally understand not wanting to live with another partner

I am in the process of finishing house renovation where I’m going to live as a newly single person. When I tell people we’re separating they say sorry and are you OK and I’m nope, haven’t been happier in a long time. Can’t bloody wait. I’m not even worried about the DC, it will be bumpy until they adjust to the new life but ultimately their lives will be better without them witnessing daily squabbles and misery that our life together has been for years.

@luggageandbags best of luck with everything! X
I'm starting to tell people too and they go 'oh I'm so sorry, I'm here for you' which is of course very well meaning, but I cannot be happier.

@Tolerancenomore

I've been divorced (no DC) from my 1st H for 40 years and I STILL remember the absolute bliss of my first day after he moved out. Getting up that morning to a peaceful house and enjoying a quiet coffee on my own with the morning TV news shows, going out and (gasp, horror!) spending a bit of money on myself for something 'unnecessary', going to the bank and actually opening a checking account (exH refused to have one, cash only was his motto!), and then getting McDonalds for supper. It tasted like ambrosia. Then a blissful silent evening at home reading a book and going to bed when I wanted to, not when I was told to.

The difference between that marriage and my current (30+ years now) marriage is night and day.

Relish your freedom. Enjoy every moment of the realizations of what your new life is.

@AcrossthePond55 Thank you for sharing your experience, I understand everything you said.

The realisation that things will NEVER change no matter how much I try is quite liberating.

Congratulations! I also only felt relieved and happy once the ex DH moved out. It was a revelation not having that constant tension, ranging from irritation to rage, preoccupying me. My house became calm, orderly and quiet. Much better atmosphere for the kids. I also had a lot of people express sympathy and all I could say is no, it's a GOOD thing. Too many people stay embittered and entrenched for too long because they are afraid of change.

I smiled reading this! The time after my divorce, well from the evening of the day he moved out, was such a happy time in my life. I don't think I'll ever forget it, best decision ever.

I had the time of my life the first few years after I left exh. I had met my late dp, me & then 6 year old ds were living in a 1 bed flat, me & dp slept on a blow up bed in the living room. On the weekends ds went to his dad's we went out drinking & I went in a nightclub which was something I hadn't done for at least 20 years. We would go out on a Friday, late afternoon, go to early bar in the pubs & sometimes end up dancing in a club or stay at home, cook a meal & have a couple of bottles of wine. It was almost like being a teenager again. When ds & I got a home of our own it was lovely the first night to snuggle up together with a pizza & watch television, no walking on eggshells like it was with exh. I was able to read in bed which was something he went mad about. I loved taking ds to school, doing the shopping, going home to do the housework, prepare tea, being able to sit & have a hot drink & watch TV in peace before collecting ds from school, having tea together, watching TV when I had put him to bed. It was the first time I felt like a proper mum.

@AcrossthePond55 your post brought back an old memory. Yours sounds very much like my first day after leaving vile 1st husband over 25 yrs ago.
I can clearly remember the elation and feeling of courage that day.
Thankyou!

I was single for two years between ex dh and current dh and I loved it. I had so much fun , I loved the freedom of eating what I wanted, watching what I wanted on tv, going away when I wanted seeing who I wanted. Embrace it!!

Remember that photo of Nicole Kidman when she divorced Tom Cruise? That's how it feels! 😁

Reading your messages makes me so happy 😊. Congratulations to you all!

Oh please, the OW doesn't owe anything to OP? Of course she does. She is a rodent who is happy to flirt and more with a married man. She has no morals and deserves the disgust she gets.
All OW do.

Sorry wrong thread 🥺

@Tolerancenomore
@Weatherwax13

I know for many people a separation can be a devastating event. But it's good for those people to also know that it can be liberating and a reason to celebrate.

They may not feel that way at the moment, but even those who are blindsided often find, after they've caught their breath, that what they thought was a 'perfect' marriage was in reality a cage in which they walked on eggshells, stifled 'who they are' or that they were in actuality victims of abuse.

This thread shows that it's OK to feel GOOD about the end of a marriage despite what we are taught about it being a 'failure'. The end of a marriage can be a major success, especially if you've had to fight your own fears for it.

No, not weird at all!

The first year after my husband and I separated was my best ever. I loved it! I did loads of things I couldn't have done when I was with him and, 10 years on, although things aren't perfect, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love my life!

It was almost like being a teenager again.

Yes. This in spades!

In fact, I had a few friends who told me after about 18 months that they'd been devastated for me when I told them but were almost envious of me by then.

Another friend often reminds me that he once asked how I had the time and energy to have such fun and my answer had been - I got divorced 😁

This is a good thread!

Been divorced about 12yrs now - I remember literally dancing around the empty room that had been his WFH study - radio full blast - brushing the floor. Never looked back. Life is brilliant.

@GreyCarpet

Another friend often reminds me that he once asked how I had the time and energy to have such fun and my answer had been - I got divorced 😁

That's how I'm starting to feel right now. I all of a sudden have time for myself, my hobbies and social life 🙃

@EmotionalSupportWyrm

Been divorced about 12yrs now - I remember literally dancing around the empty room that had been his WFH study - radio full blast - brushing the floor. Never looked back. Life is brilliant.

🥰 so happy to hear that, I totally get it

@AcrossthePond55 You've nailed it.