Life after separation...really excited

[Tolerancenomore]

We are separating and I cannot help but feel really excited! The idea that I no longer have to put up with everything I put up with for 6 years, constantly second guessing myself, the gaslighting, the blamed pushed on me, the boring anxiety filled weekends, the name calling etc.

I loved my single life many years ago but the last year before I met H I was getting depressed, really depressed, as I wanted a child and I was approaching my 40ies. I now have my amazing DD who is almost 5 and I feel like I'm taking my life back but with a bonus :). I know it's going to be incredibly hard juggling everything as a single mum and we will have to live in a smaller place, but I really don't care.

I just joined a gym today for the first time in 6 years and I'm going to start meeting friends again at weekends.

Is it weird to feel this way?

Not in the least is it weird! It is an emancipation, a soul-deep emancipation.
I have to admit, I am extremely tired and ground down. I'm not really seeing anyone because my head has been extremely fucked with and I just need to step back from the human race for a while (you'll know me from other threads- my former husband has just been recently sentenced to prison for sexually abusing our daughter... my DD's disclosure last August kickstarted divorce as well as criminal proceedings). So I've not got that skip in my step (yet!) because my divorce has come with lots of bells, whistles, and processing, processing, processing. Not that I'm special. Every divorce is a process. It's been a tiring few months.
But I absolutely LOVE, fucking LOVE having total agency over my life again. I will never be in a relationship again. Please don't take any offence, those of you who are in another one/want another one- wanting a relationship is healthy and healing. I'm just too damn selfish now. Just stretching out on the sofa and watching any old crap I like, letting the dog and cats sleep with me, knowing that the bathroom remains un-gross and lovely... it's just too much to give up now. My whole diet has changed for the better, I look healthier and brighter (though I am underweight which kind of ages me), my sleep is interrupted by a dog licking my face at 4am which beats the hell out of being repeatedly woken by some snoring bed hog who was up and down most of the night and when he was finally horizontal and snoring, he'd talk or shout in his sleep. An utter mess of a man. I'm in no rush to risk attracting another weirdo.
Thank you for this thread, OP. It's really encouraging reading your words and the experiences of others. Onwards and upwards!

I'm always suprised why so many on here following a divorce/separation often are rushing to meet someone else or move someone in - given the number who mention horrible exes . if I'm honest I think for a lot of people it's financial , rather than an emotional thing

@TheVanguardSix So sorry to hear that, what an absolute low life!!! 😢 I don't blame you for never wanting a relationship again ❤

Today I went shopping for clothes and summer shoes and for the first time in 6 years I felt free to buy whatever I wanted. He never really liked my style (sporty, casual - I'm out with DD all the time so need comfy clothes and shoes) and I always felt anxious that he's going to make some negative remarks about them. Today I felt FREE, I got exactly what I wanted, the feeling is priceless.