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Original poster

Joint money whilst on maternity leave

67 replies

mockayz · 13/06/2022 14:35

My partner & I are having a baby, my income will only be the minimum statutory rate plus child benefit (for my child I have with ex partner)

We have agreed that all income goes into the same pot, however, he wants to save a few hundred, up to about £500 a month just in his separate account. Some months may be £200 depending on how much commission he earns.

All bills, food, expenses are covered, we each have a spending amount of around £500 - £600 a month, then whatever is left he wants to keep.

He feels its unfair as he has worked hard for it and he isnt leaving me in the lerch, everything is covered.

Should i just be ok with that?

It doesn't feel fair.

I would at least like it to go in joint savings.

But maybe that is unreasonable?

OP posts:
TibetanTerrah · 13/06/2022 14:49

Personally I think it should go into joint savings with an agreement that spending from that account is discussed beforehand (so he can't suggest you'd be dipping into it constantly to spend frivolously!). You're having a kid, you're a family, all money should be pooled and the only reason you're on a reduced income is because, to be crass in my choice of words, he impregnated you.

I get his knee-jerk logic to an extent, but his mindset needs to change now there's a baby on the way. Once you have children it should no longer be thought of as 'his' money that 'he' earned. It's family money.

Clymene · 13/06/2022 14:53

It's shit of him. Ask him how much he thinks it's worth you pushing his baby out of your vagina.

And get married for God's sake! If this is his attitude now, it doesn't bode well for the future.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 13/06/2022 14:54

I think you are right, its his child as well why should the financial repercussions just be yours, however the law does not see it that way. If you want this approach in your relationship you should think about getting married.

MolliciousIntent · 13/06/2022 14:57

I'm obviously in the minority here but I don't see why he should have to give 100% of his earnings to the family pot. Cover all the bills & family spending, make sure you have enough to cover what you need day to day on mat leave, and then keep the rest for himself. That seems reasonable to me.

PurassicJark · 13/06/2022 15:01

Er no you are having a kid together. If he can't act like a family now, you are screwed. Good luck to you, I don't see this ending well unfortunately.

WeAreBob · 13/06/2022 15:02

MolliciousIntent · 13/06/2022 14:57

I'm obviously in the minority here but I don't see why he should have to give 100% of his earnings to the family pot. Cover all the bills & family spending, make sure you have enough to cover what you need day to day on mat leave, and then keep the rest for himself. That seems reasonable to me.

If they didnt have the baby, she would be putting money into her savings as well.

Having the baby means no money into her savings but he still gets to put money into his?

How is that fair. If there is momey leftover for savings then it gets split, because the only reason she is losing out on saving money is because she is having their baby. The financial impact just be split evenly and that includes the loss of adding to savings.

You're saying it is right that she loses 100% of her saving contribution while he keeps his? No.

She could save out of her personal spending allowance but then she has less spending money than she would have if she hadn't had the baby and he will still have the same amount of spending money for himself. So nope, that's not fair either.

Notajogger · 13/06/2022 15:02

Perhaps you suggest he takes the time off and takes the career hit, while you go back to work and keep all your money for yourself while he looks after your joint child. See what he thinks of that.

You are enabling him to earn money for the family. He is being selfish and ridiculous. Oh and if I were you I would be wary about giving up work entirely and wary about getting pregnant again if this is his attitude!

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 13/06/2022 15:03

So you have two children? One with him (due) and one with your ex?

I'd normally say all money into one pot, then each gets equal "fun money" but then what happens with CMS from your other child's father? Your first child's costs should be covered by you.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2022 15:04

Out of the two of you, if there is an issue you are vastly more likely to be living in poverty, caring for a child. And he wants to have the savings. He wants the security while you produce and care for his child. He's an arsehole.

Whose idea was it to have a baby and not get married?

everythingelseisafacade · 13/06/2022 15:13

Who would pay the big bills like a repair or days out or holiday? If it's him then it's perfectly reasonably that goes into a separate savings account

everythingelseisafacade · 13/06/2022 15:15

Also presumably you'll be paying the cost for your older child that isn't his out of "Your" spending money?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2022 15:15

everythingelseisafacade · 13/06/2022 15:13

Who would pay the big bills like a repair or days out or holiday? If it's him then it's perfectly reasonably that goes into a separate savings account

Why wouldn't joint saving work?

namechangeanonymous · 13/06/2022 15:17

My husband will be paying all the bills for the household my maternity allowance will be covering my bills with a small amount of disposable left over I've saved like mad to increase my monthly disposable income for my daughter and I my husband will also pay for our daughters needs classes etc. On top of this if I need more he will happily pay. I don't want joint accounts.

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 13/06/2022 15:19

MolliciousIntent · 13/06/2022 14:57

I'm obviously in the minority here but I don't see why he should have to give 100% of his earnings to the family pot. Cover all the bills & family spending, make sure you have enough to cover what you need day to day on mat leave, and then keep the rest for himself. That seems reasonable to me.

Maybe the OP can start billing him for the cost of being a surrogate and for nannying.

Galvanisa · 13/06/2022 15:21

You’re having a baby with a miserly man who doesn’t see you as a partner, nor care about your contribution to your family.

He’s not committed to you long term, his actions speak volumes.

These men swanning around wanting our wombs, sexuality and unpaid labour with zero skin in the game are disgusting.

I can’t really give any advice I’m afraid- he is who he is.

MollyRover · 13/06/2022 15:22

We saved enough money to cover the difference in salary between what I earn and what I will get while I'm off with the baby. Every month on payday we will transfer the difference into my account from our savings and I will pay my normal share into our current account for bills etc. The rest is mine so I'm not out of pocket at all during my leave.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2022 15:23

If you're not married, he doesn't want to share his money aside from what's necessary to pay the bills. If I were him, I'd do the same. This is why if you're financially vulnerable it should be no marriage, no baby.

Rewis · 13/06/2022 15:49

Maybe the benefits should go into your savings account and then some if his salary into his. Or you both get £x per month for personal use and get to decide if you want to save it or buy some luxuries? I also know a couple where the husband pays £x to their wife's perosnal account every month as compensation for their lost wages due to being on maternity.

I can totally understand where he is coming from. I would feel a bit uncomfortable if I wasn't able to save some of my salary to myself. But unfortunately part if having kids and partner being on maternity means you can't save for yourself when your partner doesn't have the same opportunity.

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2022 15:52

If I were him, I'd do the same.

Would you? I can't imagine having a baby with someone and being so self-serving and mercenary.

Aquamarine1029 · 13/06/2022 16:04

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/06/2022 15:52

If I were him, I'd do the same.

Would you? I can't imagine having a baby with someone and being so self-serving and mercenary.

If you don't have the protection of marriage, you need to be self-serving, financially speaking. If mn has proved anything, it's that. Countless women find themselves with nothing when the relationship breaks down.

I fail to see what the op's partner is being vilified for. All of the bills are paid, they both have spending money, and he puts his income into a joint account. All he wants is some savings in his own account. Women are encouraged on here to have their own savings in their name only quite frequently, especially when not married.

BoredatHome321 · 13/06/2022 16:08

@Aquamarine1029 is spot on.

Crikeyalmighty · 13/06/2022 16:16

I'm with @Aquamarine1029 on this- everything's being covered off and you still have a good amount of spending money- stick £200 of that into savings.

iCorvidae · 13/06/2022 16:21

MolliciousIntent · 13/06/2022 14:57

I'm obviously in the minority here but I don't see why he should have to give 100% of his earnings to the family pot. Cover all the bills & family spending, make sure you have enough to cover what you need day to day on mat leave, and then keep the rest for himself. That seems reasonable to me.

All bills, food, expenses are covered, we each have a spending amount of around £500 - £600 a month, then whatever is left he wants to keep.

So OP is not part of his team then? if you're a team you work together you share.
OP does not have the opportunity to earn extra money as she is looking after their child

GrazingSheep · 13/06/2022 16:25

Presumably you discussed this before getting pregnant ?

Lavender2021 · 13/06/2022 16:28

I would also ask about long term finances. Nursery in my area is around £70 a day so quickly adds up if full-time.