He says ive forgotten about us

[Lancaste12]

My partner of 10 years has told me we are all but over. He claims we have nothing in common, we don't do anything together, i have no interest in him, he's been showing me signs he isn't happy for months and I've been ignoring him, he asked me to marry him 4 years ago and i didnt do anything about it and he has given up on us.
We are parents to 3 children under 6. I work 30 hours a week (i took part time because of school pick ups). I do everything around the house and to do with the kids. He works in the city and so leaves at 730 and gets back around or after bedtime.
I am at my wits end.
He won't go to a counsellor. He thinks the fact that we have no time for each other isnt the norm with young kids.
Whenever we do talk about these issues it ends up in a row.
He is short with me in front of the kids. He doesn't want to do anything with me, he'll do stuff with the kids on his terms.
And this now seems so pathetic but I want him to come back. I am concerned over his mental health and I'm convinced it may be a mid life crisis.
Anyone else gone through this and made it out on the other side?

I'm sorry to say this but could he have met someone else?

The i have no interest in him, he's been showing me signs he isn't happy for months and I've been ignoring him is him pushing the blame on you.
There may be an OW

I'm also predicting he's having an affair or just can't be arsed with being a parent. The other woman will appear shortly.

Hmmm. I would look for signs for another woman OP.

I agree with the above unfortunately.

Could be OW.

However, when you say he asked you to marry him and you did nothing about it, did you accept, ignore it, agree and put it to the back of your mind. We often get comments from people who's partners have agreed to marry and then just put it off, usually they'll be told that their partner said it for a quiet life and isn't really committed. Sounds to me as if he's angry and upset about the current situation. It's tough being a couple with small kids they take up so much time and obviously take priority , he ought to understand this. We basically put 'us' on the back burner while they were little and became mum and dad, we were lucky if our time could be a cuddle before someone else wanted attention or we passed out exhausted.

So you're run ragged with work, kids, doing everything at home and he's moaning you have no time for him.
If he'd shared parenting at all then maybe you'd be closer.
He's probably met someone else and is rewriting history to assuage his guilt and justify leaving you.
Don't worry about his mental health - and don't let him blame you at all.
Its a story as old as the hills!

Wow, he’s textbook.

He’s entirely unhelpful at home, does everything on his terms, he dips in and out of parenting, and he’s blaming you for everything. What a weakling he is.

I’d be surprised if it isn’t as others have said.

It's the start of the script. He's had his head turned, OP.

My estranged H said exactly this to me in September. A month later he was 'seeing someone' and six weeks after that moved in with her. Typical gaslighting telling us that we should have seen they were unhappy etc. in my case, he bought me a 2k eternity ring two days before he left. But I should have known it was over 🤷‍♀️

Yeah was thinking this too.

It’s The Script. Cherchez la femme.

Sorry, op, it's The Script.

Jup, I wasn't even halfway your post and I literally thought: cherchez la femme.

So sorry.

Oh dear. I do hope we are wrong but I agree with pp who say 'cherchez la femme'
I bet there is a 'friend' who is providing a listening ear and boosting his ego, telling him he deserves to be happy bla bla bla. He will swear blind that nothing is happening with this friend, then woops after a little while they will have got together, but ONLY after he knew your relationship was over.

Heard it so many times before 😡

I'm so sorry OP, this has all the red flags of there being another woman. I would be getting your ducks in a row and keep coming back to this forum for support, even if the replies aren't always what you want to hear. The vipers will get you through whatever the issue turns out to be

So do a hypothetical plan of 50/50 dc care for post split. What him shit himself.. He wants life his way. He wants to parent when it suits. Make it clear that won't be happening..

🐍

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · Today 16:27
“So do a hypothetical plan of 50/50 dc care for post split. What him shit himself.. He wants life his way. He wants to parent when it suits. Make it clear that won't be happening..”

Sounds good but in reality how do you force someone to do 50% ( or indeed any) childcare ?
So many times I read posters saying that OP must insist on 50/50 care but I have only heard of one such arrangement in real life and that was simply so that the father didn’t have to pay maintenance.
You can’t force someone to be a parent .

I do agree that it sounds like there is an OW .

I'm so sorry. Your situation does seem typical of OW. The unwillingness to discuss issues and blaming you. Sounds like he has met someone else.

If only that were true.
But sometimes the goods in town seem much better than the corner shop and we'd miss the corner shop more if it wasn't there anymore 😂

So he's been trying to 'show you' that he's unhappy? Is that in mime? Or has he got any responsibility in stating what he feels or making any attempts to strengthen his relationship. I'd guess not.

How close is he currently with his phone? Any evening meetings, new credit card or weekend friend catch ups? Has he always got home after kids bedtime or only since the kids were young?

Just some thoughts Id be having & considering before jumping to think the poor petal is ill or not himself.

Yes purchasing goods in town to consume at poc but the corner shop still has everything he needs albeit at at price he’ll still (yet progressively begrudgingly) pay.

Also agree with @trackerc re the mime/interpretative dance that has somehow not got through to you until the point of stating to an unsuspecting you, that he’d been stating this for months…. it’s funny how it was never overtly raised as an issue or addressed by him before some crunchpoint that you haven’t agreed to and are essentially an unwitting innocent victim, having something of this magnitude sprung on you with little/no chance of recourse. My heart goes out to you OP.

Irrespective if any OW, do not do the “pick me dance”, keep your dignity and we’re here for you if needed x

Op, are you ok? I remember posting a similar thread years ago and hoping all the replies were wrong. Sadly they weren't. I had great support from people on here.