He says ive forgotten about us

[Lancaste12]

My partner of 10 years has told me we are all but over. He claims we have nothing in common, we don't do anything together, i have no interest in him, he's been showing me signs he isn't happy for months and I've been ignoring him, he asked me to marry him 4 years ago and i didnt do anything about it and he has given up on us.
We are parents to 3 children under 6. I work 30 hours a week (i took part time because of school pick ups). I do everything around the house and to do with the kids. He works in the city and so leaves at 730 and gets back around or after bedtime.
I am at my wits end.
He won't go to a counsellor. He thinks the fact that we have no time for each other isnt the norm with young kids.
Whenever we do talk about these issues it ends up in a row.
He is short with me in front of the kids. He doesn't want to do anything with me, he'll do stuff with the kids on his terms.
And this now seems so pathetic but I want him to come back. I am concerned over his mental health and I'm convinced it may be a mid life crisis.
Anyone else gone through this and made it out on the other side?

*immediate recourse (in the short term, you need to take back control after such a shock)

Yup. Cherchez la femme.

Sorry OP.

Any further word OP?
Has he communicated what his intentions are?
Have you figured what you want?
Take care

Still no idea
I asked him about OW weeks ago and it was denied.
He said he's still here because of the kids. Thats all very well and good but if you are living with us then you need to make an effort. At the moment you are being a shit.
Thank you for the opinions ! It does read that there is OW but (and this sounds totally delusional and I may live to regret this comment) but I'm not convinced there is one. Think it may be easier if there was, at least there would be a reason for his change in behaviour

He’s checked out but he’s telling you it is you who has checked out to allay his guilt and shrug off the blame.

These men are so fucking pathetic.

It sounds like you need to push for the idea. You are not anyones option to be strung along. He doesn't get to check out & leave you hanging.
I'd suggest you complete a rota for the school holidays & childcare & outline what dates & times you are handing to him. You are working 30hrs, plus caring full time for 3 under 6. So that's beyond any full time he's appreciating. His 'being there for the kids' means he therefore has to be there productively & as he's already indicated his intentions in that he's merely being a lodger out of 'goodwill' then he'd need to figure out all the parenting tasks he's going to have to master for 50/50 childcare. If his utopian future is not taking on 50/50 future care then you can get him to consider the 31% of his gross income he'll be needing to budget for (CMS calculation when 3 kids). I'm not being flippant, that is the situation.
His contribution if he's checked out needs to be formalised. Stop cooking his meals, doing his washing. He has told you clearly he's not in a partnership with you anymore.
This does not sound like mental health led or mid-life crisis, he's showing disdain for you. You sound like an amazing, effective, coordinated mum & partner, that should be cherished. Don't undervalue yourself.

Just a quick thought but when I read your last post, it seems your spider senses were already aroused & you'd previously asked him about another woman. Have you any idea if there's another man?