Do I confront the woman I've been cheated on with..

[a647gjf]

I recently found some messages on my partners phone (not proud of it, I had a gut feeling which turned out to be right). They're Snapchat messages and one of them was about them arranging to meet up. No evidence that they actually did. I've confronted my partner about it and he's adamant he didn't but I'm not so sure. He's was also messaging 4 other girls on Snapchat, one of which his ex. Anyway, I've found the girl he was arranging to meet on Facebook.. and her boyfriend. I really want to message her to get some answers. Do you think I should? If so what should I say? Do I message the boyfriend as well to let him know what's been going on? I think if I was in his position I'd appreciate it if someone told me.

just get rid, Honestly what is he like? Messaging 4 girls FFS. Red Flag is flying super high!

You know enough to know your bf is a cheat - he is messaging multiple women and arranging to meet up with at least one of them. Even if they hadn't (yet) got around to meeting up, that was his plan and that's what would have happened eventually.

EVEN IF they never met, he is still cheating on you. If I found my DH was messaging another woman behind my back he would be by ex. Why would you want to be with someone who is looking for other women? Who you can't trust? Who doesn't respect you? Who you know would be meeting up with other people given half a chance? Who is spending their free time chatting up other women??

So if you spoke to her and she confirmed that they hadn't met up, what would that achieve? You won't know if she's telling the truth (likely she will lie if only to protect her own relationship / reputation) and even if you chhose to believe her, it doesn't mean they wouldn't have met up eventually, or that he isn't meeting up with other women.

Don't forget it is your bf who's let you down, not her. If you feel the need to let her bf know then I'd understand that. Just so it with care. He may choose not to believe you. He may choose to stay with her anyway. Once he knows, that's his business.

But please please please tell me you are no longer with the bf?

Why are you with this looser? Focus on building your self confidence and work out what you want from life.

There's a whole world out there...

He sounds like a dream (!) so you’ve got the hunch something was up ✔️
messages on his phone ✔️
multiple women ✔️
lying to you ✔️

and you’re wondering if you should confront the other woman who may or may not deny everything anyway?! What would you gain exactly from confronting her? If she says yes I slept with him is that your bar for leaving your partner? Because tbh I think that reflects more on your self esteem that his behaviour so far isn’t enough to make tell him where to shove it!

he’s lost your trust once that’s gone you’re basically on quick sand now until it takes you under. Don’t be a victim here, get rid and move on.

Is it because you trust her more than your partner to tell him the truth?

Why is this your question? Surely you should just dump the cheat. Are you ok? What answers do you need. He’s been messaging multiple other women with the intent to cheat with them. Your focus should be on him, not them.

Dump your partner and tell hers. You both deserve to not be with cheaters

I'd tell her and her boyfriend, a bit of rough justice from the other side might be just what your boyfriend needs. Going around shagging and shitting on his partners!

How do you k now this?

“Why is this your question? Surely you should just dump the cheat. Are you ok? What answers do you need. He’s been messaging multiple other women with the intent to cheat with them. Your focus should be on him, not them.”

This is beautifully put.

What did you learn about relationships growing up that makes you want to hang on to your partner? I’m guessing he’s very handsome on the outside but he’s sounding pretty ugly on the inside and long term that counts for a hell of a lot more than looks. Plus there are plenty of good looking men who are faithful to their partners. You will have a life full of stress and grief if you stay with this guy and the relationship will almost certainly end at some point in the future and you’ll just wish you’d ended it now.

What answers do you need? He's a cheat. At the end of the day that's what it boils down to.

@a647gjf

Sounds like you're trying to treat the symptoms not the disease.

Dump him then tell the boyfriend. Give him his personal agency back. He deserves a cheating girlfriend as little as you deserve a cheating boyfriend.

I assume that you are still together as you don’t refer to him as your ex.

Sort your own relationship out first.

You seem to be focused on the OW and her bf rather than tge person who has actually cheated on you.

I think that should be where your focus is.

Dump your boyfriend and raise your standards in life?

If you choose to stay with this bloke you’ll be knowingly opting in to being made a complete mug of, and needing regular STD tests.

It's you partner you should be aiming at or rather leaving if you think that's a better route. He's talking to multiple people and if he's doing this now he's unlikely to ever change

I'd not aiming anything at OW as it takes two and by the sounds of it your partner is looking for anyone and she was just the current person and he will move on to the next soon enough

@Morph22010 I saw the messages. They were both referring to being in a relationship so they'd have to be 'careful' and use hotels and cars.

I assume you're staying with him then.

If so then be aware that next time he does this he'll learn from his mistakes and be harder to catch.

I messaged the OW as a heads up as I didn’t know she knew about me. She ghosted me and now her friends are harassing me.

honestly not worth it

Well then, what's the point? What could possibly happen that would make you happy?

Dump him, ignore her. She's irrelevant to you.

I have no intention on staying with him, no. I know I deserve better and this isn't the life I want to settle for. I've forgiven him once (more fool me) but I don't have it in me to do it again. I should never have forgiven him in the first place, I know. It's a case of sorting out the house situation etc.

Don't waste you time and emotions by trying to communicate with her.

Work on getting away with him with your dignity intact.

He's a loser. You are not.

If you're absolutely sure that cheating was going on by all means tell the boyfriend

But I will say this I was accused of being the other woman I won't say he didn't kinda hint once I will say I put a stop to it instantly she messaged me "calling me out" I said nope not with me her friend told me to just admit it I said I admit nothing nothing to admit (there really wasnt) she pulled her kids out of the school moved areas took themselves off my Facebook ceased his business etc etc it was intense over nothing

Longer story he had it in his head we were supposed to go on a date way over 20 years ago and asked me if I ever "thought about him" what "might have been" etc etc I said no anyway I clearly did you a favour because if we had got together you would never have met your wife and had your children (I really think he was mistaken because I don't remember him at all) anyway after that conversation I asked him how much he charged for his business as my friend was looking for someone but that was literally it the limit to our conversations but apparently that means affair

When I found out my husband was cheating (and who with) I served him with divorce papers pretty quickly, told him to leave, and then let her partner know.

He ( her partner) had had suspicions and was glad I told him. He promptly dumped her.

She went ballistic and threatened to come round and kill me, so I notified the police.
I couldn't understand why he (my ex) wanted to be with someone who was both violent and unhinged.

I think I had a lucky escape.