Dh just suggested we split up

[BacksideInParsley]

DH is drinking too much... always has.. I said he had to go bed because he's listening to crap 80s music (nostalgia goes with whisky) and he said "maybe we should split up". I my heart I know he doesn't want to but I also know he loves whisky more., 5 bottles of malt a week ... I'm not coping

Thank you for your responses and advice. Thank you @MrsTerryPratchett for the sound advice to go to sleep and start a sober thread. I will go over to the sober threads now.

I wanted to respond to those concerned to say no we don't have children. This is very probably one of the things that both led to and facilitated our increased drinking over the years. My mental health suffered after IVF and 5 mc's and it was all too easy to open the fridge door, pick up a chilled bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and head to the sofa with a fleece blanket to binge on crap TV to "have fun" and try to mask the grief.

We also live in a remote area, noone popping in, no dependents, working from home and earning money to spend. Except we don't have money to spend. It has all been spent on single blend malt whisky and £10 bottles of wine. It's disgusting. All those empty bottles. The smell of them. All that time wasted on watching drivel reality TV. Wasting my talent, ruining myself.

DH is full of remorse today and said he will do anything to stop drinking and knows it is time he stopped and he doesn't want to do this anymore. He is going to speak to his 10 years sober friend who goes to AA. I told him that I will leave him if he does not seek professional help.

We both know what we need to do but it's clear we cannot support each other to do it. I know recovery can only work as individuals.

I am going to work on breaking away from this pattern of living so that I can live a positive healthy life. I am going to take this time to allow my mental health to improve, sort out my finances, save up an emergency fund and, with the support of my family, stay sober.

I hope he stays true to his word OP.

My father’s drink was whisky. Watching him convulse from withdrawals on a hospital trolley is permanently etched into my brain.

There’s hope though, he’s still here and hasn’t been drunk in years, so if he can do it, so can you and your husband.

Having just seen your post about the reasons why this started. I think a grief councillor would be good to look into as well.

I lived in the countryside for a while and I think that it is very easy to get into a particular life style which does revolve around alcohol as in the evening, especially in winter where there isn’t anything other to do than go to the pub or sit in front of a fire or the tv at home with a glass of something and quickly 1 glass becomes 2 then 3 etc

It was definitely a slippery slope for a lot of people.

Your op is about your dh
but it is clear from your follow ups that it is much bigger than just your dh and very much involves your excessive drinking too and the “existence” you are both enduring (not living, because what you describe is no life)

what have you done re change since that post? Did you drink last night?

I think for both of you whether you do this as a couple or apart you need to change the scenery.
Move to a town or city where in the evening you can easily get out to places where alcohol isn’t the reason for being there.

I don’t drink (I can’t. I think it is a genetic issue) Dh does drink and when we lived in the countryside I could see how much he enjoyed being there. However everything he enjoyed revolved around drinking.
Standing in the local pub sober was ok initially but it became very boring very quickly when you realised that everyone else were at best tipsy.

I could see why people drank. I probably would have joined them and gone down the rabbit hole if I didn’t collapse drunk in a heap after 1/2 a teaspoon of wine.