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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling controlled

54 replies

AllAboutMargot · 11/06/2022 09:43

I feel like my H is micro managing me.
Some examples, and these aren't one-offs, it's nearly every time I do these things.
I open a cupboard door, he says "what are you after?"
I get dressed, he says "Oh, I thought you'd have put your shorts on"
I'm cutting up some salad, he says "oh, I thought you'd have used the other knife"
I bring the shopping home, he says "there's not much there. I thought you'd have gone to Tesco"
I take the dog out for a walk, he says "oh, I thought you'd have taken him to the woods"
He's there at my shoulder, what seems like all the time..
He talks, constantly, and when I do start to speak he cuts me off and always thinks he knows what I was going to say.
He explains to me, in great detail, what his next DIY job is and what he's planning on doing that day.
He talks about people he's met while out, everything about them - where they live, what car they drive, what job they do, what dog they have.
Whenever he's achieved something he brings it up, repeatedly, that day and for several days afterwards. To start with I tell him how great he's done and that he should be pleased with himself because he worked so hard on it or it was a brilliant idea or outcome.

He's got so many good qualities but he's ruling my life and I feel suffocated.

OP posts:
KettrickenSmiled · 15/06/2022 16:08

He just looks blankly at me and says it doesn't bother him and if it bothers me it's because there's something wrong with me.

Ouch. That's a dealbreaker, surely OP?

If he constantly pinched your arm, & you told him to stop because it hurts, would he tell you it doesn't hurt him, so if it hurts you there's something wrong with you?

At best, it's a blistering lack of empathy.
At worst, he does it because he knows it pisses you off, & he's happy about that.
Either way, he's totally failing to consider your perspective, & it doesn't matter why he fails - it matters that he does, & it's becoming impossible to tolerate.

Sorry, your thread must be hard to read, especially given the 29 years you've ploughed in.
Flowers

Shitscared123 · 15/06/2022 16:25

Could be on the spectrum? Does he have any other traits?

KettrickenSmiled · 15/06/2022 16:27

Shitscared123 · 15/06/2022 16:25

Could be on the spectrum? Does he have any other traits?

By now, what does it matter?

What hurts OP isn't WHY he does it - it's that he does it knowing damn well it pisses her off, & his blank refusal to stop doing it.

GentlemanJay · 15/06/2022 16:28

Sounds like my ex mother in law. Constantly wittering on. Doesn't sound controlling. He just can't shut up.

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