Can anyone confirm I'm not being controlling?

[Littletikes41]

I have 3dc with with P, been together 4 years, on again off again. More off than on, but have now had enough and plan to leave. I believe he is an alcoholic and addicted to cocaine but he does not think he has a problem. He cannot keep a job longer than a few months, he usually gets sacked for constantly being late/not turning up due to being hungover and/or come down.

Every time he is unemployed he expects me to buy him drink/fags/drugs even though it leaves us without enough money to provide everything we need for our DC. I regularly borrow money off my parents to accommodate this. It leaves me in debt and I'm sick of it. I have told him it's not happening anymore.

He started his most recent job in February and he has been sacked already. Every day he is asking me for money but I simply cannot afford to pay all the bills and I'm not willing to accommodate his addictions.

He sold his car because when couldn't afford to keep up payments. He had over £3000 to buy a new car, to get him back and forward to work after he paid off the remaining finance on his car and buy a new one. He blew it in the space of a few weeks on drink and drugs.

He has a shift tomorrow in which he expects to use my car. He has just left tonight to go to his M's after I told him using my car isn't an option. He has been drinking and taking cocaine. If he is involved in an accident, which is highly likely, he could kill someone. I'm not willing to risk anyone getting hurt because he can't do without drink or drugs. It would also void my insurance.

He has spoke to his M, who is also an addict. They share drugs, and she seems to be of the opinion I am controlling, coercive and financially abusive. I have been NC with her for the majority of our relationshi as she enables him by constantly giving him money to fund their addictions.

I have told him it's over, but his reaction was to tell everyone how abusive I am. This is the case every time I try to break up with him. I know it sounds ridiculous but I need an outside opinion to tell me I'm doing the right thing, I'm not the abusive one in this relationship.

Leave him,why would you want to be with a addict!

Ignore him when he says that.

I don't think you are controlling but I have no idea in Hell why you got together with this complete waste of oxygen and had children and enabled him to live this destructive, shameful lifestyle around three small babies.

Good for you for seeing the light. Run like hell and do not ever go back.

I've read the whole thread now, sorry I was a bit harsh in my PP. Don't allow him to gaslight you, this is HIS fault and nobody elses. It's sad about his dad but you are not to blame for his responses. He needs professional help.

@Littletikes41

I don't want yo be the horrible person he is making me out to be.

Rather that than stay in the situation you were in, OP. Wear that badge with pride (even if there is sorrow too) because YOU know and anyone outside the situation will either see or soon realise the truth of the matter- that you are protecting yourself and, more importantly, your children.

I'm glad your parents were supportive when you told them and that you can stay with them for a while whilst you get sorted longer term.

Next steps - do you have any money of your own? If so, get it out of his reach ASAP and change passwords to any bank accounts you have in your own name. It wd not be the first time an angry partner made funds inaccessible to their partner/children. Change passwords on any streaming/shopping (eg Sky, Netflix, Amazon) that you pay for so he doesn't lock you out if those accounts. Or cancel what you can, to save money.

Contact CMS as soon as you can, so he can start paying child maintenance.

You are going through tough times but you are not alone - you have support in real life. You can do this. Good luck to you and your children for a calmer future.🌹

Honestly take the nonsense you are being abusive as he says, for the record you are absolutely not, but turn the lies around, say "I'm not being abusive but we seem to bring out the worse in each other so going forward it's best we are co-parents not in a relationship together". I know it's bullshit but it might soften the gossip blow.

Let his mum and him circle the drain together they won't drag you and your children down the plughole as well.

Kick him out and concentrate on your kids