Hpw to cope after fleeing domestic violence

[Wildchild001]

Finally told my dad an hour ago that I am being mentally physically and emotionally abused by my partner we've now made a plan for me to get out of this safely and as quick as I can no children involved thank god just a dog he threatens to kill, i am frightened at my wits end how I will ever get my self and my life back after leaving even though I need to do this and be strong I just feel I have no fight left in me before telling my dad I came to terms with the fact I'm going to die either by him or me killing myself as that is where we are at now and wrote out everything I wanted for my funeral. My mum told me to not come knocking on her door so I only have my dad, i feel so alone and confused. Does anyone have a story to share if you have been through the same thing how did you carry on with life after as I feel I just want mine done and over now I'm 22 23 in a week and I literally do not see a future for my self I cannot believe I let my self get into this position I feel so ashamed and embarrassed

The shame is not yours. This is not your fault.

Please get you and your dog out, safely and then worry about what happens next.

Well done for telling your dad, that can’t have been easy but was the right thing to do. Once you’re out, please call Womens Aid and the police if you feel able to. There is a lot of support out there and I promise, you will be ok and happy again but please, please follow the plan and be safe.

Sending you a massive hug x

Loot

You have so many decades ahead of you.

Take your time to recover, rebuild, find yourself.

Sorry pressed post by accident

I fled
With a 7 week old baby

Lovely people on here helped hugely

Womens aid are AMAZING

You can do this
When will he be away?
If he gets the hint you are leaving you wil be in an unsafe position

Will your dad take you in?

Go to the police
He could get jail if you have proof?
We hid in a toilet for 7 hours while the creep waited outside
Somehow kept the baby quiet and managed to escape on the fire exit

You can do this
Please keep positing with us

One step at a time. Get yourself out of there and safe, with your dog, and the rest will follow.

Have you packed
Do you have a plan in mind

Does he know you use this app?

Some of these abusers and sneaky and can watch every step

Mine memorised by phone log in code
And got into my contacts to find me

Hes away for 10 days from 4th of July so I have 10 days to get all my stuff out the flat and be gone he has no hint what so ever, 3 occasions he has assaulted me i reported it and I didn't press charges as after the first incident he told me it was just an argument that got out of hand and mocked he wouldn't get done because he went no comment and he would tell the police I was off my meds, I didn't realise what was happening to me and now 2 days ago he headbutted me and tried to throw me out by grabbing me by the throat shouting screaming telling me I'm fat and ugly and I'm nuts and need sectioning (I'm on antidepressants as had a troublesome upbringing with an alcaholic mother) which he mocks me for tells me I've done fu*all with my life and never will tells me I'm going to turn out just like her, kicks me out of bed as says budge up fatty wakes me up saying vile things he said if I ever get with anyone else he will throw acid in their face and shoot them threatens to kill my dog says he wants the thing to hurry up and die, we once had a pregnancy scare told me he hopes that fuc*ng thing inside me dies and if I'm pregnant to get an abortion asap or he will kick it out of me. I'm just trying to act normal as possible and not let anything slip. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and help, I've contacted the council yesterday and I'm now going to contact womens aid didn't have a clue about that. It's hard coming to terms with this but I realised yesterday this is abuse and I need out!

Are you going to be safe until then?

Please don’t let his poison get inside of your head, there is NOTHING wrong with you. The police will have a record of all the times you’ve called them whether you pressed charges or not, you can still report him and if you are ever in danger please call 999 immediately.

Womens aid will offer you a lot of support, you’re not on your own OP.

Make sure you delete your browsing history so he doesn’t find this thread too x

I havent packed yet hes away for 10 days for medical reasons from the 4th of July so my dads going to come up and get me then I have a plan and a place for me and my dog to go to where he doesnt know, I've cleared all my web history and made sure nothing is traceable to this site or post, thank you for sharing your story with me I hope you and your baby are doing well and wishing you both well for a better brighter future x

You have nothing to be ashamed about.

He is a thug.

Please consider going to the police and reporting him.

If you call 101 you can ask them to come quickly if you call because he has assaulted you multiple times.

4th of july is still several weeks away.

Op you asked for others experiences, well here is mine;

When l was 30 l met a seemingly lovely man, kind, loving, generous to all and pretty much perfect, until out of the blue after 10 months, with no argument prior he hit me, hard, across the face.

was beyond shocked but LIVID, and knew in my heart he was seriously dangerous, l dumped him then and there and blocked all communication, (we did not live together)
After trying all avenues to contact me and being blocked, l came home from work one day to find he had broken in, l was held all night, screamed abuse at, dragged around, hit etc.
Yes l was terrified but also so.very.angry. how dare he. Eventually at 5am l tricked him, escaped and hid until he had left my house.

Immediately l called the police, they came, l asked why they were not at his house as l wanted him arrested, l was told it was a first offence, only it wasn't, l found out he had done this multiple times, but no previous girlfriends had formally reported him. I made a statement and he was warned.
He stalked me for 6 months so l moved, changed my job, he could not find me.
However before the move he found me, l threatened to ruin his career by writing to the professional board of his profession, describing his actions, he would have been struck off (medical professional) if he ever contacted me again.
I also told his family, friends, my family and friends, as abuse thrives on secrecy.

I was devastated at being tricked into thinking this vile excuse for a man had made me feel like he loved me, it was all a lie, so yes l was utterly heartbroken and felt a fool.
But l had had many lovely boyfriends before, in fact all of them, and knew l would again.
For my peace of mind l tracked his whereabouts for 10 years or so.....

I was lucky that night, he could easily have killed me and l vowed if l ever got out alive l would shine a light on his behaviour and fight back from a position of safety.

Do not stay a moment longer than you have to, any day can be a day too long, when you feel powerless FIND YOUR ANGER it is your friend, it makes you strong and think clearly. He could kill your dog, or you, so get her and you out of there any way you can.
BTW l am 20 years married with 2 lovely teenagers, and have never felt scared since.
Take a deep breath, know this will soon be behind you and you will have your whole life ahead, with many lovely things to look forward to....
Call womand aid, call friends be very careful and get out, then report him, do not allow him to be in a position to kill someone else...
We are all on your side.

I fear for you

4th of July is too far away

That could be one assault per week

He could kill you and your dog

Trust me been there

Please can we help in any way

Or ring womens aid ASAP

Well done you.

The first time I heard of domestic abuse was on the radio and a woman was telling her story probably 40 years ago.

She had gone out with her lovely doctor boyfriend for 2 years, got engaged, and married him and had never seen a hint of violence.

The day they married they were driving away on their honeymoon and she offered to drive as he had had a few drinks.....he, while driving, gave her an almighty slap across the face and told her never to question him again.

She spent her honeymoon in shock, convincing herself it was the stress of the wedding that had caused his behavioural change.

She stayed, quickly had several children and was regularly beaten by him until she eventually left after 15 years.

Her message was that she should never have stayed after that first slap and he had deliberately waited until theyvhad married.

Her story is as clear to me today as the day I heard it in the kitchen with my mum.

I was stunned by it, and the idea that he could have clearly kept who he really was from her, for so long.

For me it was a seminal moment.

I could have written your post ten years ago; I was 22 and living with an abusive boyfriend who made me feel like no one else would want me and that I wouldn’t be able to cope with the career I was working towards and trying to isolate me from my friends and family.
I had a light bulb moment that I had to get out and told my close friends and family and they helped me get out, I stayed with them while I got myself sorted and once I was sorted out practically I started to mentally recover which has taken some time. I had therapy, did a lot of reading and came to terms with what had happened.
And he was very much wrong about how my life would be without him,

I agree with people 4th July is a fair way away yet. Please call women's aid at the earliest possible convenience. They will help you. X

You are only 22 , you have your whole life in front of you. Well, that's if this bully doesn't kill you first.
Is there a reason why you can't just arrange for your dad to come and get you right now? He could come with the police and you could walk right out of that door with your dog. The police could stay while you grab your stuff, but quite honestly, you don't need to take anything you can't carry out that door. Things are replaceable, you are not.

Another one here who thinks 4 July is too long to wait.

All you need to take from that house is your phone, charger, ID documents, medication and dog. Start thinking about where those things are in case you have to grab them up in a hurry.

I'll help you if you are near me. I'm West Midlands if that helps.

OP when is this abusive piece of scum leaving the house again?

Could you fake a sickness and get out somehow over the course of this weekend

Or leave today with the dog for a dog walk and. Notify the police?

I fear for your safety

These mad bastar-- have a way to detect when we may have a plan

Please let us know your plan to help you somehow????

Thank you all so much for your replies, he is next out the house monday he has the hospital for a blood transfusion so he will be gone quite a while I am leaving then, I'm not fussed about my things they are all replaceable and just things, my safety and sanity is more important so I will be gone then! Again thank you all so much

Amazing !!!

You sound so very strong

A happy life is round the corner

Don't be afraid to report the bast---

Please update the thread when you get out. We can all celebrate with you.

Well done for deciding to get out and finding a safe time to do it.
Do not tell him you are leaving —- an abusive man knowing his victim is planning to leave is considered the most dangerous time.
Get the dog to safety first —- in that way you’re not worrying about the dog and abusers very often pick on pets to get at you.
Pack as much as you can, get your mail redirected ( Royal Mail site gives details)
Leave your keys.
Do not engage with him after you’ve left. He will either do everything to get you to move back ( turn into Mr Nice Guy) or he’ll become more threatening.

I had less of a window to get out, a day while he was at work and I wasn’t even sure he’d go. Luckily he did and I threw as much as I could in my car and left.
You’ll run on adrenaline for a while, you’ll feel torn as you process all the mixed messages you had from him but stay strong and in time you’ll be 100 x stronger.

Does he know where your father lives?

If not, please tell the police you are fleeing domestic violence as he may report you missing to try and find you.

Also, whilst YOU may not wish to press charges, if you tell the police, for their files, that you thought he might kill you, it will help his NEXT victim.

Because their will be a next victim.
You will be helping her and the police.

I am so glad you are getting out.

Start doing a big of tidying and sorting out if you can.
Nothing obvious.
Just moving stuff so you know whatvyou want to take with you.

Have a roll of good quality black bags at the ready to fling things into.

Best of luck.

If you think you are in danger before he goes away get out with just your dog if necessary. The police can facilitate you going back to collect things.
He sounds horrendous, very like my ex. He found my weak spots —- worry about my weight ( I was a size 10-12) he put down my job, —— they’re all the signs of a weak person who can only feel strong by belittling and threatening another person.
Please do NOT stay if he’s violent to you—- take the dog out for a walk and don’t go back. Can you stay with your dad? Or a friend?

Gosh so much good advice

You can do this op

Def consider the police too