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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Love lost

30 replies

Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 19:57

Hi, Need some advice please. I’m a man (50) who 6 months ago who accidentally finished with the love of my life. I had extreme pressure at the time and wasn’t in a good place. I’ve had counselling since and now understand my mistakes and have learnt from them.
my ex girlfriend (18 month relationship) were totally in love and an amazing relationship. One day I just cracked and basically said I wasn’t happy living with her and broke her heart.
after 7 weeks we made contact and slowly built bridges and I let her back into my heart. After a couple of weeks she said she can’t trust me anymore and finished with me breaking my heart.
my ex had previous issues with trust as her mother walked out on her as a teenager, and her ex husband cheated on her, so rightly so has trust issues.
recently, we have started messaging and I have asked her for my forgiveness. She however says she doesn’t know if she can trust me anymore. Does anyone have any suggestions?
we both love each other, and I have said I’ll do anything to make her trust me. i am just so sorry for hurting her. And ultimately breaking both our hearts

OP posts:
decayingmatter · 10/06/2022 20:04

For a start, it's not about 'her trust issues'. I wouldn't invest in someone again after they had binned me off and 'broken my heart' either. Take accountability. You can't force her to have a relationship with you.

RedRec · 10/06/2022 20:11

Ugh. 'Accidentally' binned her off.
I wouldn't trust you either.

Justcallmebebes · 10/06/2022 20:24

Unfortunately you sound like a fuckwit and we're sick of them. You have to rebuild her trust and that means actions and not words and it won't happen overnight, if ever

Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 21:08

I do sound like an arsehole, I’m not denying that. I absolutely hate myself. People don’t know what stresses I had at the time. However I know action speaks louder than words, and I don’t want to cause her anymore pain. I would do anything to turn back time Maybe everyone is right, I’ve done un repairable damage, and I should let her move on with her life and meet someone who she deserves

OP posts:
decayingmatter · 10/06/2022 21:21

Your stresses are irrelevant. But yes, leave her be.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 10/06/2022 21:39

Have you dealt with the issues or stresses that made you end the relationship? If you can talk things through honestly and openly with her, you may slowly regain her trust.

I’ve made too many stupid mistakes myself (without meaning any harm) to condemn anyone else for doing the same.

Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 21:51

Thank you. Yes I got some counselling to understand why I did it and to make sure I would never do it again. I now have coping skills to ensure this.
I am generally a good honest hardworking person who made a huge mistake. I love her so much, and know she’s hurting as well.

OP posts:
Littlepaws18 · 10/06/2022 21:59

Deeds not words

Catlover1970 · 10/06/2022 22:11

Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 21:08

I do sound like an arsehole, I’m not denying that. I absolutely hate myself. People don’t know what stresses I had at the time. However I know action speaks louder than words, and I don’t want to cause her anymore pain. I would do anything to turn back time Maybe everyone is right, I’ve done un repairable damage, and I should let her move on with her life and meet someone who she deserves

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who finished an amazing relationship and broke my heart. She will worry that next time you have a wobble you’ll do the same. Leave her be to find a nice guy

Oceanus · 10/06/2022 22:23

OP, you've gone to therapy and only people willing to change their ways do that. Talk to her and tell her you've gone to therapy and that you love her. If she still doesn't want anything to do with you, give her some space and talk to her in a few weeks to see if she still feels the same. If she hasn't changed her mind, just move on.
The biggest love is only the biggest until sth else bigger and better comes along. If it doesn't work out it won't be the end of the world for you. You're still young and now that you've gone to therapy and have a better insight into your soul it should be easier to find a new person.

Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 22:30

I understand what you’re saying, she does deserve someone better. However I would never ever do anything like that again.

OP posts:
Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 22:45

Thanks everyone for your messages. She knows I’ve had counselling and says we could maybe meet for a chat in the future. I think it’s best to give her some more space and for her to decide if we meet.

OP posts:
Oceanus · 10/06/2022 22:46

No, what I'm saying is you can't make someone love you. You love her but if she says no, you must respect that and move on. You're in a good headspace now, she's only for you if she wants to. And if she doesn't that's fine too, you sound like a nice person I'm sure you could find sb else to be happy with. Give her some time though to think things over and then have a proper conversation to listen to her decision. Don't throw the towel down yet, when you talk to her make sure she knows you think she's the one and why.

Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 22:55

Thank you for your lovely message. She knows I love her so much and before I did what I did she absolutely loved me too. I will do as you suggest and also give her time and space. Thank you

OP posts:
Oceanus · 10/06/2022 23:01

Don't give up Rileyo77! A lot of people post about having DPs who are pricks and you took the step many wish theirs took, you went to therapy and you've fixed your ways. Nobody can ask for more! Keep your head up and, in the meantime, don't let her forget about you: a little text here, a joke there...!

Rileyo77 · 10/06/2022 23:09

Thanks Oceanus, if there’s a chance I’ll never give up. Thanks for everyones help

OP posts:
Oceanus · 10/06/2022 23:12

Good luck Rileyo77, going to therapy was a brave thing to do and I wish you the best!

RoyKentsChestHair · 10/06/2022 23:19

FWIW I did a similar thing. I finished my relationship after a big argument because I was in a bad place emotionally and physically. To be fair he had been a massive arsehole so did deserve it, but having reconnected recently after several months I’m also like you, wanting to convince him that I still love him and would never do the same thing again.

He is rightly hesitant, he’s being the sensible one, and saying he doesn’t want to make any promises or rush into anything and that he’d just started dating other people so I’m left almost waiting for any new relationship he has to fail so that he can see how good it was with me. It’s utter torture tbh.

My original strategy was to keep telling him how much I loved him, sending him cute messages and links to songs that would make him cry etc! However I see that he’s not matching my energy so I’ve backed off with all that. I will send him a message every couple of days, sometimes just a kiss to let him know I’m thinking of him. Sometimes it will lead to a little chat back and forth, and hopefully whatever else is going on, he will see that I am consistent and will feel loved.

I’m not a total mug though, and I’m now chatting to new people too, hoping that I meet someone I like too. I can’t imagine it at the moment, but I can’t put my life on hold for someone who’s not committed to me. I’ve set out my stall and it’s on him to decide if he wants to take a chance on me. I deserve to be loved and cherished too. We all make mistakes, him included.

Good luck, I hope that whatever the outcome, you find your happiness.

Rileyo77 · 11/06/2022 07:08

Thanks RoyKentsChestHair. My current situation is very similar to yours. A few months ago I was sending texts and links to songs etc but received replies like “you threw this all away” or “if we could turn back time “ etc

We decided to stay friends and thought I’d give her some space and we’d text randomly. Last week we said we both miss each other. I asked if we were definitely over as I needed to hear this, (as it would be the sign to me to move on with my life). She replied that sending messages like this wasn’t ideal and that we could meet up and chat. However she said this once before, and I don’t want to put any pressure on her. I guess she’s still thinking about everything, one of her recent messages was “how can I trust you again “ I gave her my reasons etc
so I’m just waiting for her in limbo to decide. Good luck with your situation too

OP posts:
ASmallCat · 11/06/2022 07:33

I believe in a person’s ability to change and grow, in working out issues if possible.

However it requires accountability and this little phrase in your OP I let her back into my heart. suggests a good reason why that first reconciliation didn't work.

If you were the one who broke her heart then no, it was not for you to let her back into your heart, you really needed to be focused on addressing your actions that hurt her and see if she was willing/able to let you back into her heart.

It may seem like a small thing but that phrase stands out to me as indicative that perhaps you didn’t fully take on board your responsibility for the first break-up, and so she may have felt the same.

That would be a deal-breaker for many people because it suggests that you haven’t fully appreciated the impact of your actions (& so might repeat them)

Rileyo77 · 11/06/2022 07:59

Thanks. At the time I wasn’t in a good place. It’s no excuse, and for the first time in my life I really struggled. I reacted under pressure, and didn’t know what I was doing. I regretted it straight away, but knew I’d broke her heart and thought at the time she’d never forgive me. When we got briefly got back together for a week, everything seemed to be like it was and perfect. However she then broke it up. And I was devastated. I guess it’s karma.

OP posts:
spotcheck · 11/06/2022 08:19

Karma? No, it isn't some universal check and balance- this has come about because if YOUR actions.

I absolutely believe that everyone developes and evolves as they go along in life.
However, I'm just not buying that only 6 months ago you were so stressed that you binned off the live of your life. In that time you've realised it was wrong, found a counselor, started counseling, sorted out your issues, got back together with your ex, and then broke up again ? Sorry, I don't buy it. As in.... I'm wondering if you have gone to counselling a few times in order to win your ex back.
Is six months enough time to do all that? Hmmm

escapeaa · 11/06/2022 08:21

Reverse?

Rileyo77 · 11/06/2022 08:46

It was a massive step for me to get counselling. I needed help, to find out why I did what I did and to make sure I learn from it. Many people suggested I get help including my work. I understand what you’re saying, but I can swear on my life I’d never do it again.

OP posts:
ASmallCat · 11/06/2022 20:46

Do you see how saying you let her back into your heart is you placing the impetus/responsibility for saving the relationship onto her instead of taking responsibility for your own actions that ruined the relationship?

Your ex has no responsibility/obligation whatsoever to solve your issues.

Your ex also has no responsibility/obligation to forgive/accept your mistakes and try again.

The effort getting therapy was for you is nothing to do with her at all - what of her efforts to understand your fuck up? Do you give her any understanding at all for that?

If the original break up was solely, by your own admission, your doing, I see no reason at all why you would insinuate that she needed to do anything different to make you let her back into your heart.

If you can’t see the difference then she is absolutely right to not continue.

If you can see the difference, then why would you use that wording and place blame on her for your mistakes?

And saying how much work you undertook to understand what/why you did something so hurtful to someone you professed to love means fuck all if you then get pissed they won’t carry on as normal because you've decided they should.

You hurt her, and you’re pissed she’s hurt instead of her playing pretend that it’s all ok.

That’s messed up enough to warrant additional therapy on your part.

(and because you need that therapy, not because she doesn’t want to put up with you blaming her for your issues)

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