Until the next time you are under pressure?
my ex girlfriend (18 month relationship) were totally in love and an amazing relationship. One day I just cracked and basically said I wasn’t happy living with her and broke her heart.
Sounds almost like you ended it on a whim. Anyway, no-one knows why men do these random dumpings but its quite common amongst me and my friends. Most of us have had it happen to us. I would say that most of the women don't want to get back together with their ex when they inevitably come crawling back. The one couple I think of who did, the guy was a doctor, very good looking and had a lot going for him, and he worked really hard to get his ex back. My ex dumped me twice and that was one chance too many that I gave him. I began to think he was addicted to the highs and lows of dumping and getting back together, and a bit hystrionic. He too had "stress" and hinted at MH issues.
The thing is, its a competitive world out there. There are plenty of men who don't behave like this and you don't really sound like you're organised enough to do the work it takes to get your ex back, and of course, the longer you leave it, the more she will get used to being without you and be meeting others.
I don't know what you expected to happen - you split up a live in relationship, upset her badly and now you've got what you want, you've changed your mind. Honestly doesn't make you sound like a great, or very reliable prospect. Its noticeable that most of your postings are about you, how you feel, what happened to you and so on and theres very little concern for your ex and how much you devastated her (and being dumped like that is horrible). I'm guessing she had to move out and find somewhere else to live while presumably having the pressure herself to hold down a job. It doesn't look great tbh.