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Original poster

How do I face him,after I made a fool of myself?

61 replies

nallycally · 09/06/2022 16:42

3 years ago I started dating a guy and he had form as a womaniser (did the cliche thing of thinking I could change him)
Anyway he wasn't very nice to me and treated me bad ,messed me around,he honestly broke my heart.
Picked me up,threw me away (our mutual friend (not mine anymore ) fell out with me and that was it for our relationship.
We continued to speak for a year after and we still flirted and chatted on the phone most weeks .
Then he got a girlfriend and said he didn't want to ever speak to me again (blocked me and everything)
Obviously I was heartbroken ,I had came to terms with no relationship but not even worthy of friendship.

Next week we are both at the same event and this is the first time since he blocked me a year ago I've seen him.
How do I go ? After making a fool of myself?
When he told me he didn't want to speak to me again I sent a long rambling message about how he hurt me etc
He didn't reply and just blocked me

OP posts:
5128gap · 09/06/2022 19:06

Most of us have said and done things we're embarrassed by when we're upset. Your's is minor compared to many. You're just going to have to style it out. Act like he's of no consequence to you at all. If you come face to face, a vague, distracted 'Oh Hi Name, how are you?' as though he's a slight acquaintance you barely recall would be good.

Iamnotamermaid · 09/06/2022 19:13

Be polite, breezy, smile & wave. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Shit happens but life (& you) moves on.

Remember it is your new boyfriend you should be impressing & focusing on now...not the ex

JanePrentiss · 09/06/2022 19:20

If, and the likelihood is he won't, he makes any reference to the message you sent, politely reply "If only your treatment of me was evidenced in someway, a message or otherwise , you'd be the one who would be embarrassed" and walk away.

Polite disengagement should deal with it,. Enjoy the day op.

Besttobe8001 · 09/06/2022 19:24

OP I have had a past relationship where the man begged me not to break up with him, cried down the phone and sent me barrages of messages.

My reaction was sadness and feeling upset for him. Now I don't feel anything and if I saw him I'd hope we'd have a nice chat.

If this guy feels anything else other than that, if he's superior or smug or enjoys your discomfort, then he's an arsehole and why do you care what he thinks?

5128gap · 09/06/2022 19:31

JanePrentiss · 09/06/2022 19:20

If, and the likelihood is he won't, he makes any reference to the message you sent, politely reply "If only your treatment of me was evidenced in someway, a message or otherwise , you'd be the one who would be embarrassed" and walk away.

Polite disengagement should deal with it,. Enjoy the day op.

If he makes reference to it I'd roll my eyes with a little laugh (if I could manage it) and say 'I don't know what I was thinking! Embarrassing. I maybe meant it at the time...'

ImpartialMongoose · 09/06/2022 19:39

People act and speak irrationally and emotionally during a breakup. So what? Most people will have been on the giving or receiving end of this and familiar with how it works. It's just life and this guy would have to be spectacularly arrogant to think his devastating charisma caused your separation anxiety outburst. Don't overthink this, he probably hasn't given it a moments consideration since. You've both moved on, so relax and enjoy your event.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/06/2022 19:45

Practice your "Meh" shrug so you have a reply for anything he might say.

BTW. I think you did the right thing telling him that his shit behaviour was really hurtful. That's actually quite assertive.
He's not the Big I Am - He's the one who made a fool of themselves, not you.

simoncowellsdog · 09/06/2022 19:58

If he tries to speak to you just say 'sorry do we know each other?'

Otherwise just go, enjoy your day and be safe in the knowledge that you are NOT the one with anything to be embarrassed about. He was the one that acted like a dick, not you.

Original poster
nallycally · 09/06/2022 20:04

I deffo couldn't pretend I didn't know him
We were friends (of sorts ) 2 years before we dated and then a year after

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 09/06/2022 20:22

Never apologise for having emotion. Your not the first woman to have taken a break up hard and you won't be the last.

Go. Look your best and try to ignore him and keep out of his way as much as possible,

HousePlantLandlord · 09/06/2022 20:28

nallycally · 09/06/2022 20:04

I deffo couldn't pretend I didn't know him
We were friends (of sorts ) 2 years before we dated and then a year after

Why not? He’s done that to you.

chiffchaffchiff · 09/06/2022 20:30

milkmaiden · 09/06/2022 18:34

Honestly go and simply do not go up to him. If your paths cross just be polite and act like you have forgotten your whole interaction. It will take skill, don't act like you don't know who he is, but act like you've done that much since you last saw him that what you shared has faded into a blurry memory that you can hardly recall.

This describes my suggestion better than I could.

GrumpyTerrier · 09/06/2022 20:31

Something I have learned--- you can chase someone and show you like them loads etc, but if you then go on to act indifferent, they will believe you no longer care. They may even believe you never really cared. So just go, ignore him and and have as good a time as you can.

simoncowellsdog · 09/06/2022 20:36

nallycally · 09/06/2022 20:04

I deffo couldn't pretend I didn't know him
We were friends (of sorts ) 2 years before we dated and then a year after

Yes I know I get that.... I meant I'd just be that level of twat to him.

Let him know he's insignificant to you now if he attempts communication.

You do not need to apologise for having feelings.

AMindNeedsBooks · 09/06/2022 20:41

milkmaiden · 09/06/2022 18:34

Honestly go and simply do not go up to him. If your paths cross just be polite and act like you have forgotten your whole interaction. It will take skill, don't act like you don't know who he is, but act like you've done that much since you last saw him that what you shared has faded into a blurry memory that you can hardly recall.

Excellent advice.

Can I ask, is it truly only the embarrassment of the text or do you still have feelings? If you both have new partners I really don't see either of you being bothered unless there were still feelings. Everyone has sent an emotional text at some point, I'm sure he'll also have done when trying to reel people back in after his shitty behaviour.

Original poster
nallycally · 09/06/2022 22:36

I think it was the level of nastiness it was at the end.
We both said horrible things.

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 09/06/2022 22:36

Repeat the mantra “I did nothing wrong, he’s the one who should be embarrassed” frequently on the run up to the wedding. Believe it. Just smile (just a little) and keep.moving if you end up near him at some point. Focus on your real friends and your boyfriend.

Original poster
nallycally · 09/06/2022 22:36

@simoncowellsdog yeah I think he deserves it,to feel that unimportant
His huge ego probably thought I would be still sat crying over him

OP posts:
MissSmiley · 09/06/2022 23:27

Does your new boyfriend know about this guy? How long have you been seeing him?

AMindNeedsBooks · 09/06/2022 23:36

nallycally · 09/06/2022 22:36

I think it was the level of nastiness it was at the end.
We both said horrible things.

You both said horrible things but he was the one who ACTUALLY was the nasty piece of work so I honestly wouldn't give it a second thought. It's someone else's day, you're all adults and I seriously doubt anything will be mentioned. You've both moved on, be grateful you're not the one stuck with this loser now.

Original poster
nallycally · 10/06/2022 08:21

We have been together 10 months now and live together so I have moved on.

OP posts:
Original poster
nallycally · 10/06/2022 08:23

Nothing at all will be mentioned
He will hiding like the snake he is
Last June he was meant to be at a gig with his friends (I have them on social media )he knew I was going and didn't show up (could be another reason ) but he is all talk behind a phone ..real life not so much

OP posts:
goldfinchonthelawn · 10/06/2022 08:26

It's the only time in life when completely ghosting someone in public is fine. Behave as if he isn't there. Don't look at him, talk to him, if you pass him, walk past as though he wasn't there. If he comes over to speak to you be monosyllabic. if he gushes and flirts just say, 'Hi,' with a polite smile and then say, 'Excuse me, I must just...' and walk off. No need to finish the sentence. Surround yourself by people who you like at the event and have a good time with them.

Yellowhase · 10/06/2022 10:34

I would nod and smile if necessary. Make a great effort to look and feel good for you. Have an amazing time with your new bf. Hold your head high. You clearly didn’t need him.

inklop · 10/06/2022 13:51

Just ordered a few new dresses and booked to get my hair done too.
Want to go in feeling good and hopefully looking nice.

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