Supporting each other after affair discovery

[ettiespaghetti]

Hi is there anyone else out there dealing with the aftermath of discovering an affair ? I’d appreciate support from people that are experiencing the same awfulness !

I was never angry with the OW and even thanked her for being honest and telling her side of the story.. I'd never have found out otherwise as my H was hoping he could hide it all.! I'm angry with the man I put my trust in. His selfishness and disregard for his wife and his family is unforgivable.

@Username2101 gosh I've said worse! My daughter was in hospital (18mos old) and was suffering with a suspected allergy to penicillin, she was very unwell. He fucked off for a few days with his GF. Can't understand why I don't care if he lives or not!

@Username2101 you could easily have said worse. What a selfish man he is. I hope your DD is feeling better?

@cleanbreak2022 isn't it funny how they happily spend months putting themselves first and avoiding their family responsibilities and then as soon as they are found out, they're all 'let's be civil and put the kids first'. Errrr, that's what I've been doing since the children were born, unlike you. They are totally selfish.

@ettiespaghetti I feel the rage too. It seems so unfair. However I do think to myself that she must know that he is capable of lying and cheating and therefore what sort of foundation is that for a healthy relationship? Sure as hell sounds like dodgy foundations to me.

@Likeairirise we haven't got to civil yet. He left me, out of the blue 2 weeks before Christmas, citing I was toxic and unloveable. 3 months later I found out he had been leading a double life with a younger woman. He had gone and rented a place with her.

He hasn't asked for forgiveness or apologised, he's standing by that I was so awful he couldn't take another minute of me. We were clearly in very different relationships. In 15years I never once looked at another man, he on the other hand, was caught twice.

Just divorce them- cut them out and live your best life without the snake in the grass. My husband cheated after we suffered a miscarriage following IVF. Suddenly he became a different man and stated that he was never really happy in the marriage and I was the reason for this. That was almost 2 years ago. I hate him- I lost my future, the chance to have a family and literally the roof over my head. I will never ever forgive him and hope he ends up living a very miserable life!

My DH has ended the relationship with the OW. I know that he has and he is desperately trying to make things better. I don't know what to do yet. I contacted the OW and we talked on the phone. She offered to meet me and I am dying to see her in real life. I know it will achieve nothing apart from satisfying curiosity. What would you do?

Well my DH came home didn't speak aword to me and is now making himself Dinner. Utter selfish bastard.

@Notever I genuinely don't know. I think it depends on what your plans are. If you think you may be able to move forward together, you might want to verify what he has told you. Although, would you believe her? Remember that she will have her own agenda and she won't be looking after your well-being. If that's the case, what's the point? You might well end up torturing yourself.

On balance, I don't think I would. Although I understand the morbid curiosity and desire for answers (which I don't suspect you would get. You need to do what you think is best for your emotional well-being.

My wife continued an affair begun before we married for 4 years (with a married man)- suggested only a friendship. I suspect one child is the result of the affair (with very good reason) but they are not to blame. My wife (still) will not know when I leave her but will know why. Children are now 29 ish so well able to cope whatever is thrown at them.

I obsessively went after details and to be honest I have tortured myself with them so much

It was a compulsion to know but now I wish I didn't know so much as I have flashbacks and I wasn't even there (obvs!)

I'm really struggling with it all - rage and anxiety both really strong and overwhelming

Is it in your interests to stay? - even temporarily ? Start putting yourself first - everytime.
Men will continue an affair if they are that type (disloyal) and you do nothing to criticise. Leave when you wish.
There are some loyal men and women but sex is a very strong draw, motherhood makes women different and better (supposedly).
There is a phrase - if one is not enough a thousand is never plenty - I can confirm that betrayal of trust cannot be forgiven or forgotten but - think of yourself first - what do you want ? what is best for you. Time does not heal if you constantly reflect but I think about it everyday, I now wish I had been more selfish even though my emotional tie to a child is very, very, strong. That is he only ting t hs kept m ere - for now.